Things just keep getting worse

I'm writing this because I genuinely need help.

I'm 25 years old and was diagnosed with GAD, panic disorder and comorbid depression when I was 18 (it was entirely a genetic condition that turned on like a light switch. One day I was fine, the next it was panic attack central).

After a year of severe domestic abuse, I developed PTSD in 2013; the icing on the cake.

Throughout this time, I have done everything I can. I see a therapist, and work with a psychiatrist. I have been on every medication and every class of drug used to treat anxiety and depression that exist. I typically have allergic reactions or severe paradoxical reactions to these medications (Zoloft, effexor, and seroquel all put me at the ER). At this point, only klonopin has offered relief, but it's minor at best.

I maintain a very healthy diet, exercise at least an hour each day, practice meditation. I don't drink or do drugs...ever. I adopted an emotional support animal. I try to limit my stressors. But things have gotten successively worse as time has gone by.

I'm at the point where I'm incapable of doing much of anything. I was working on a graduate degree I was very passionate about and after three semesters of having to withdraw for mental health, I eventually left the program. I used to volunteer in the community, and can't anymore. A job is out of the question entirely. I have to take extra clonazepam to even spend time with friends.

For all my efforts, to continually see my health deteriorate is frustrating at best. I worry that my life is just pointless at this stage, because I'm incapable of LIVING. In spite of every effort on my part, the support of family and friends and teachers, and the assistance of a mental health team, not only am I not learning to cope with my anxiety and PTSD, but things are genuinely going downhill at an alarming rate.

I don't know what to do anymore. Any suggestions or thoughts would be so helpful.

3 Replies

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  • this was me also. my suggestion you have to push through it. your mind can put you even more in despair. don't let panic and anxiety control your life. The more you talk about it with your friends and feel comfortable that if you have a panic attack around them you don't have to worry so much to leave or go ou.. Eat the healthiest you can, exercise, communicate because you feeling and knowing your eating and being healthy , that will put your mind at ease even more. take vitamins magnesium zinc, fish oil. i did a lot of research on panic attacks too it soothed me to know all this and be on this message board .

  • I too feel like I am not living at all. Everythung took over my life, there's days I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel like I am stuck inside a body that isn't mine. I get so tired of the daily struggle and the progression of my disorder is so rapid that I can't keep up anymore. I went from outgoing, brave, career woman to terrified to leave the house or even live in my own skin. I could just cry. My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain. 😟 Never give up! That's what I have left, is the fight in me. 🙂

  • I'm only suggesting these particular substances because they are being used in studies at the moment to treat severe PTSD and anxiety. I am not for a moment suggesting you go and acquire theses substances. I'm just letting you know that there are studies underway at the moment in the UK looking into how these substances can help a brain that's function has been changed by PTSD and also a brain that is genetically predisposed to anxiety. I'll tell you about them and then I'll go and do some research and find out exactly where and under whom these trials are being conducted. The first trial is looking at how small amounts of the substance psilocybin taken on a regular basis can help with anxiety, depression and PTSD. Psilocybin is the hallucinogenic compound found in 'magic mushrooms'. Please don't let this put you off. After all the worlds best pain killers are made from the same plant heroin is made from. It has proven to be effective, very effective in helping to manage these conditions. The substance is given in minute doses, far too small to cause hallucinations. I know there is a study going on in the Uk right now, most of the subjects are war veterans and survivors of atrocities, but people with anxiety and depressive illnesses are included in the study.

    The other study which is being carried out at the moment looks at how therapeutic doses of MDMA can help relieve symptoms of anxiety, and PTSD. Similar experiments have been carried out in the USA and in Canada and MDMA has proven to be very effective in achieving meaningful results.

    Obviously these are still at the study stage. I wanted to let you know that this is something medical science takes very seriously and is trying very hard to find the right answer to. You could put your name forward to be in any further studies. I understand you may find these studies preposterous but I can assure you medical science wouldn't be looking at these substances if they didn't believe there was hope that they would be likely to achieve positive results.

    MDMA has been used in cases of the most severe combat PTSD and has proven to be very well tolerated and has yielded extremely encouraging results.

    Maybe something to think about. I hope it gives you some hope.

    If you want I will try to find out the name of the professor carrying out these studies.

    Wishing you calm and peace of mind

    Jack.

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