I stopped taking meds in April. The reason I had gone on meds (five and a half years earlier) was because I was agoraphobic. At first my anxiety was really bad but I felt like I was dealing with it ok recently. But for some reason, I'm becoming more and more agoraphobic. I have been trying to make myself go outside as much as possible and to continue working in another city and travelling around the country as my job requires, but to be honest instead of getting better and me becoming desensitised as I'd hoped, the panic is getting worse.
I don't so much have panic attacks when I'm away from home now as feel really ill. My body goes very weak, I get nauseous and have a lot of diarrhoea and I just have this ever-present feeling of terror - like I'm in imminent danger. It isn't episodic, it is present for the whole time I'm away. I try telling myself there's nothing to be scared of but all I can think of for the whole time i'm away is that I need to get home. It's exhausting.
I'm going away on Monday camping with friends. I've been trying not to think about it at all and have been putting off organising myself (haven't even bought the stuff I need yet and will have to do so tomorrow!) because I don't want to think about it. But now that I've realised I have to go shopping tomorrow and I'm actually going to be in the middle of nowhere for four days I feel really bad. I don't think I can cope with this, I want to pull out, I don't even think I can cope with going shopping in town. But I know that whenever I pull out of things because of irrational anxiety I feel like a total failure and that just makes me worse. I don't want to let this beat me this time, I don't want to be stuck inside my house.
Does anyone have any tips?