Hey guys, im 27 years old and this is my secound time writing on here but i would like to express how i truly feel just to see if anyone out there feels the same. I was diagnosed with adjustment anxiety which my therapist says is one of the lowest forms of anxiety but my life doesnt feel that way. I have always suffered from anxiety i know how it feels like and how to get myself off of its bad habits such as derealization and scary thoughts but somehow this time around i cant beat it. I had a panic attack two months ago after the panic attack i was fine but than started fearing death heartattacks seizures epilepsy you name it... After a while that subsided now i fear more than anything is schizophrenia or psychosis. I had horrible anxiety i couldnt control for ex shaking uncontrollabliy fast thoughts irrational fears and uneasyness and overwhemled. One day i was brushing my hair and felt this sense of anger or maybe overwhemled not sure of the two and feared that i was going to do harm to someone and that was driving me nuts all day like why did i feel that way was that truly me what if i cant control it and etc. I feel emotionless at times i barely laugh how i used to and feel as if all this is consuming so much of my time its all i think about. What if i lose myself and this anxiety monster controls me who i used to be. I must sound nuts but im just so scared all the time. Like im just waiting for a mental breakdown and just for me to have all these things my mind says i have. I need to break free and i know i do but how? I was so happy before all this happened as of right now im crying just thinking how beautiful my life was in the past and now i feel as if im in a nightmare i cant get out of. I dont know if im depressed because indont feel unmotivated i just feel stuck like there are no positive thoughts in my head. Now about my biggest fear schizophrenia i was assured by my therapist that i dont have it and deep down inside i know i dont but my hypersensitivity gets the best of me. My brains tricks me into believe that my own thoughts are others and to be scared of them. I want to enjoy life again i want to dance and sing without a care in the world.i used to love cooking going out shopping doing makeup all these girly things lol but now i dont have that passion because when i do cook all i think about is all the fears in the world that i have. I just want to be me again!! Does anyone relate or have some words of encouragement and strength i need that more than ever!
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