All the help I can get!

Hey guys, im 27 years old and this is my secound time writing on here but i would like to express how i truly feel just to see if anyone out there feels the same. I was diagnosed with adjustment anxiety which my therapist says is one of the lowest forms of anxiety but my life doesnt feel that way. I have always suffered from anxiety i know how it feels like and how to get myself off of its bad habits such as derealization and scary thoughts but somehow this time around i cant beat it. I had a panic attack two months ago after the panic attack i was fine but than started fearing death heartattacks seizures epilepsy you name it... After a while that subsided now i fear more than anything is schizophrenia or psychosis. I had horrible anxiety i couldnt control for ex shaking uncontrollabliy fast thoughts irrational fears and uneasyness and overwhemled. One day i was brushing my hair and felt this sense of anger or maybe overwhemled not sure of the two and feared that i was going to do harm to someone and that was driving me nuts all day like why did i feel that way was that truly me what if i cant control it and etc. I feel emotionless at times i barely laugh how i used to and feel as if all this is consuming so much of my time its all i think about. What if i lose myself and this anxiety monster controls me who i used to be. I must sound nuts but im just so scared all the time. Like im just waiting for a mental breakdown and just for me to have all these things my mind says i have. I need to break free and i know i do but how? I was so happy before all this happened as of right now im crying just thinking how beautiful my life was in the past and now i feel as if im in a nightmare i cant get out of. I dont know if im depressed because indont feel unmotivated i just feel stuck like there are no positive thoughts in my head. Now about my biggest fear schizophrenia i was assured by my therapist that i dont have it and deep down inside i know i dont but my hypersensitivity gets the best of me. My brains tricks me into believe that my own thoughts are others and to be scared of them.  I want to enjoy life again i want to dance and sing without a care in the world.i used to love cooking going out shopping doing makeup all these girly things lol but now i dont have that passion because when i do cook all i think about is all the fears in the world that i have. I just want to be me again!! Does anyone relate or have some words of encouragement and strength i need that more than ever!

7 Replies

  • Hello

    I can relate to everything you have said how you feel and how you are thinking and took me back to when my anxiety was at it's worse and I do feel for you because yes you do feel you are going mad but be reassured you really are not and this is anxiety at its worse and it will latch on to and fears and feed of it till we learn to change the way we think 

    It is an unwanted visitor so no it does not have to be a part of your life and take you over for ever , but it is one of those visitors that does not like to go , hangs around and torments the living day lights out of you and I can see you have been seeing a therapist and not sure if you still are but you need some more support or if you are still getting support you need to keep been open and honest about just how bad this is now affecting you 

    Anxiety and Depression can come hand in hand , I think I have always asked myself if I did not feel anxious would I be feeling depressed and the answer has always been no and when I have no anxiety I do not feel depressed and I enjoy life so for me yes I get or have got depressed but I know with changes that goes where some with clinical depression no matter what is happening they just cannot feel happy and fulfilled but the best person to asses this is your Doctor and if you go and talk with them they will take you through some questions which will answer if you are low with the anxiety wearing you down or you do have depression to 

    Hope you feel a little reassured that you are not the only one that has anxiety that has these irrational fears and thoughts 

    Take Care x 

  • Wow bounce thank you so much for this i litterally cried just thinking that im not alone. Your words gave me a sense of peace that i havent had in a while. I will continue to go to therapy and try my hardest to get my life back.... May i ask what were some steps that you took to overcome some of this? What did you tell yourself? 

  • Hello

    I am pleased that at least it was a relief to know you are not alone anymore as I remember years ago when I started with anxiety and I was very young ( unlike now lol ) and there was no help , you were afraid to talk about how you felt , people would either look at you as if you had two heads or those dreaded words which I think all anxiety sufferers hate to here " snap out of it " O if only it were that easy 

    So to be honest I spent years and years just trying to cope it was like hell on earth , so young no one to talk to and so very very afraid , afraid what was wrong with me , why I was like I was and how was I going to live feeling like this every day plus I used to try and cover it up from others because the as I saw them put downs just made everything feel so worse especially when you just want someone to give you a hug and tell you everything will be alright 

    At one time Doctors did not become more understanding but they did start dishing out the tablets and for a while they helped me cope but then I got addicted and that cause a whole new problem but I did get of them which could be when I look back I have a meds fear now and I am very careful what I take and how many 

    Eventually I found a support group which really was my life line , I could not believe it when people were there just like me , with the same fears and feelings , the same struggles , knew where I was coming from and they gave me that hug that reassuring one and those words we can long to hear that everything would be alright 

    Listening to others and realizing some were where I was at and others were past that and had become free from anxiety or at least learnt how to manage it was the starts of me accepting which I do think is the key to all this , accepting you have anxiety , accepting it won't kill you etc is the first step in starting down whatever path you need to go down to get to a better place and you will :-)

    Don't look back what life was like but look at what you have today even the bad one's , I learnt how to be grateful for what I had and not what I was missing or had not got , I learnt that no matter how much I was suffering there was always someone worse of than me and there always is if I looked hard enough so this started me down the road to feeling grateful as bad as anxiety is I realized a lot worse could be happening to me 

    Keeping a dairy can be good because when we are consumed with anxiety running round our heads we can only remember all the negatives but if at the end of the day you write down what your day has been like then most of the time even though it may have felt horrific you can see something good happened or some part of the day you coped and we have to try and focus in on those good parts and not pay the negative parts as much attention because they feed the anxiety 

    I don't want to go on to much but I did develop ocd very bad with my anxiety and I got to a stage where therapy would not help me as such as I had done all that in my meetings with others like me but I knew where the root of my problems had started even from a young age and I wanted to get to understand me more so I have been seeing a psychologist to help unravel and let go of that young person that suffered so much pain but I was still carrying about inside me 

    One thing I have learnt is do not look or compare yourself to others like your friends , you are a unique human begin and there is only one of you and learn to accept who ever that is for today , love her /him and tell yourself well done at the end of every day because living with anxiety deserves a pat on the back when we go to bad and we have done the best we can in that day , learning to like and love yourself just the way you are is something else we struggle with but something we should do :-)

    Gone on a bit , so will shut up now lol but keep coming on and getting support and continue with that therapy it will help if you want it to and even if you have to go back several times as long as each time it gives you the tools you need to deal with your anxiety then keep going :-) x  

  • Your words touched my soul thank you so much!! Im so glad that thru all that you are here and stronger than ever it gives me soooo much hope! You are an inspiration thank you again! I will continue with this process thinking of your words!

  • Don't know if it's much help but I have read many articles that say a symptom can be that you feel like you are going crazy.......but you won't.    Do you do your breathing?   Also meditation helps.....but you have to stick with it.....don't give up.  

  • Thank you Roma for replying yes i try to breath and convince myself that I am not going crazy in any way but it takes some time getting used to.... I wont give up i cant even if at times i feel hopeless but i know at the end this will make me stronger!!! I just want my happy place back you know?

  • I know it's easier said than done......doesn't always work.  I do a numb

    Er of things and sometimes they work and sometimes no.   

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