why cant i socialise?: im finding it really... - Anxiety Support

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why cant i socialise?


im finding it really hard to socialise i saw my sister today for the first time in 6 months and i was so anxious i couldnt take my mind off myself worrying about how i was feeling the whole time and i only see her for 20 mins bumped into her in the street.I was trying to sag and float but i had so much inner tension everything was tight.I walked away feeling awful as the adrenaline got pumping as we know cos of my anxious mind and i felt so giddy unbalanced like i was drunk just horrible then the hot flushes started i felt truly awful walking home.I just want to be able to have a conversation without feeling rubbish.The other thing is i dont feel as though im progressing im agarophobic and ive only just started going out 2 months ago just locally and im not feeling any relief ive high anxiety all day symptoms raging.Cant even watch telly without tension rising and anxiety.Just want a break people talk about having good days and bad but im not having any good days im lucky if i get a peaceful 10 mins and thats when im not thinking about myself.Wish i had a button i could press that released adrenalin cant take pills im allergic to them.I know i shouldnt question it all and wish it didnt exist but its so hard.I guess i have to keep going facing fears just wanted some encouragement and support ppppllllleeeeaaasssseee!!!!!!

13 Replies


I'm sorry you're going through such a bad patch at the moment but please don't be so hard on yourself. It sounds to me like you're making a lot of progress (just not at the speed you'd like to which I know is extremely frustrating). You are going out again - this is a huge achievement. Yes, it's stressful and you feel awful but you are still going out. This is fantastic - little by little you are reclaiming your life. Be strong; you are going to get through this.x

Hi thanks everybody for your help and support.Il keep going and hopefully one day il get some relief.

Lots of luv

claire x

Hi Claire, Don't be disheartened love, it's not long ago you managed to go to the local shop with your Dad and it is not long also since you almost crossed that bridge... and there you were a full 20 minutes with your sister! You are improving Claire and you are getting out and about a bit more. Be proud of yourself! I'm proud of you : ) you are very brave. Sometimes I live 10 minutes at a time, but we get there. Keep practising honey, I know all too well how hard it is. Lighten your mood if you can.....imagine all of us together on a day trip : / I bet we would have a right good time Love and Hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Ellabella thankyou for reminding me my small achievements its hard to see how well u are progressing especially when we have the voices of doubt.We would all have a great time on a day trip wouldnt we least we would all understand one another.You always make me feel better thankyou sending u a big hug xxxxxxxxxxx

LOL A day would never be long enough would it ???? xxxxxxxxxxxxx

in reply to ellabella

lol definately not xxxxxxxx


Many years ago I was just the same as you, so I know exactly how you feel. It's too long a story to write here about the reasons why these days i am a lot better, but I used to feel like you do - that it would never end, that it would always be that bad.

You are doing the right thing by trying to go out, not avoiding all the unpleasant symptoms by staying home all the time. You have to set realistic goals and try to reach them, but don't beat yourself up if you don't acheive all that you would like to straight away.

If you find that the build-up of adrenalin in your body causes you tension then an easy way to release it is to do some exercise. I used to find that my body would tremble and I would feel horrendous after running on adrenalin all day, but I made the mistake of crawling into bed to rest. All that happened was that I was still trembling while lying in bed!

The answer is to perhaps walk up and down stairs a few times, lift some tins of beans in each arm like weights, shake out the tension by flicking/flapping your arms and legs around (it will also give you a good laugh at how silly you look!) and generally "burn off" the adrenalin that has been settling in your body and making you feel dreadful.

Hope that helps, and don't give up hope that one day things will get easier X

have you tried cbt yet?

im having therapy at home only been a few weeks but i suppose i have made small progress just need to be patient.



Ive always thought i was a bit shy, but now i know it is social anxiety, when im speaking to someone, or trying to have a conversation with someone, my mind goes blank, and im concentrating that much on what to say next, i dont hear what they say to me, which makes me feel embarrassed and paranoid that they think im a bit weird. I have over heard people talk about me in the passed saying i was a little weird and look at me funny, or just ignore me and walk by when i say hello, social anxiety makes me feel like an outcast, like i dont belong anywhere. I tried hard making friends, but i just dont seem to make that connection, or find anything to talk about because my mind goes to mush and adrenalin surges through me and i have that desperate need to get away before anyone thinks im a weirdo. I do sometimes hate being me, i always feel isolated, and its like i cant be bothered to go out some days and always make excuses to my kids about staying in waiting for deliveries or that im just not in the mood to go anywhere. I always thought it was lazyness, but i dont think it is, my anxiety had been very bad, hopefully in time, with the meds im on, i can get through this and start living x best wishes to you in your therapy/recovery, i wouldnt wish anxiety/panic on anyone x

HI clairep, im agoraphobic mainly when it comes to going out alone and just woundered how you started out going local alone, got any tips? i also feel like i have more bad days than good, when you find out where that magic button is let me know. x

Hi Sam i just started going to the end of my drive then in the back garden to the back gate then i went just a little bit further than my drive then i walked to the post box near my house,then i went to the end of my road then eventually to the local shop just to the entrance then inside i used to take my walking stick with me all the time or my wheelchair just to push u wuldnt believe the ppl that stared at me pushing an empty wheelchair but i needed it to get out it was like a safety thing.My dad comes with me when i go in shops though but least i can get out.I dont have my stick or wheelchair now iv gradually stopped i used to get my dad to push it at first til i found courage to walk without anything.Ive got along way to go i still get really nervous and anxious when im away from home and i still dont go shops when its busy i go early when the shops open and i still have my dad with me in the shops.But im hoping eventually il be able to cope .Ive still got alot of fears to overcome like socialising,being in a car,bus,and having to sit in waiting rooms or cafes supermarkets even talking on phones.I wont tell u itsbeen easy cos it hasnt ive had strong feelings when out and still do but i do alot of self talk to myself like it just an overload of adrenline it will pass eventually dont run away from a feeling just sag my muscles and float go slow.If u buy a book by claire weekes self help for ur nerves it will help its helped me alot.I suppose it has become easier i dont get as panicky when out but i do get more anxious the further away from home i get but i know its just builiding up my confidence and learning to cope with myself a new way and learning to trust myself.The only tips i can give u is just go for it but do it slowly and expect the panic and feelings to be there but go slow dont try and distract yourself it doesnt work its normal to be constantly thinking about yourself its the anxiety state from a tired mind.Set yourself little goals like just to the end of the drive and back etc and write it down every success despite how u feel ive got a success diary.You need the feelings,thoughts and symptoms to recover so u lean how to cope with them the right way.This takes the fear away once u cope with the feelings this is accepting.Just small steps at a time no rushing take ur time and exhale slowly dont tense sag/relax/slump floppy like a rag doll but keep going as far as u can.Dont worry if u are unable to do it at first this just means more practice thats all u need is practice so it gets easier the more u do it,.If u need me pm me anytime il be willing to help u along i know its not easy.You can do it just takes a bit of courage once u take that first step u will be on ur way wish i could hold ur hand and show u.You will be ok nothing bad will happen to u.

Lots of love

Claire xx

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