Emotional blackmail

Hi.I have been helping an elderly lady for many years.Shopping,odd jobs.Because of the way shehas treated me over the years (unnecessary bitchy comments) I have become very stressed and keep tripping over and crashing into things.My doc says to stop seeing her .She has now turned nasty toward me , but she has no family.So I am feeling a little guilty.My husband is disabled so I am already a full time carer.My daughter reckons she is being very selfish ,she doesn't give a dam about my commitments.Why are people so nasty if they don't get their own way.?

17 Replies

  • hi rosie i share a story i was helping and old lady i must admit this was some years ago, anyway it started when one weekend when i was working i couldn't do her shopping for her because i was at work, and like you she started to call me from a pig to a dog, i just said to her look i'm working the next few weekends so you would have to find someone else until i could carry on anyway to cut a very long story short, it got that nasty her son who i thought was in prison came round to ask why i was doing his mum shopping anyway i told him what went of and he said that if i didn't do his mothers shopping i would be looking for some new teeth. that was the final straw i phoned her told her i wasn't helping because of her son coming round and because of the way you speak not only to me but others i said that's it, and told her if her son came around again she would have to visit him in hospital. you have enough looking after your husband his one in your life, just tell the old woman to find someone else and you look after your family they come first, not her. she soon got the message. take care Alan

  • Thanks for reply.Sorry to hear what you went through too.She has just sent me text asking me to go back ,only because she wants shopping.I have not replied. I'm still seething over some of her remarks.Watch this space,as they say.😈

  • hi Rose i'm not surprised your still seething over what she said and glad you didn't texted back, she will either come to her sense or stop texting because your not at her call all the time, well done, i must admit its hard to think like that over any human but at the end of the day if you are not treated with respect and for being called there no respect for you take care keep in touch let me know how things go all the best Alan xx

  • Thanks Bigalan ,Due to depression I've put back all the weight I lost last year.Mutter mutter.If I can keep out her way I'm hoping to get my act together again.😱

  • hi Rosie that's the worse when suffering with depression, if your like me when i'm down like that i comfort eat and i've had to rain it in, i'm at the moment 21 stone 10 lb and 6 ft 3 inches so i've a bit to lose, so by sticking to this diet the weight may be slow coming off but because i'm disabled now i can't walk as far or as fast has i used to do, but that's the best plan stop answering her calls in fact on my mobile i've downloaded an app that blocks callers its free to download and its called truecaller, once you have install it the next time she calls just go onto the app it brings the number up and you just press block and it blocks her number every time she phones or any unwanted calls you just block them hope this helps take care Alan

  • Thanks Alan.When she texts I choose whether or not to answer.When she uses the house phone the number comes up and I never answer.The last couple of weeks my emotional eating has been ridiculous. Take care.

  • hi Rosie yes she is playing on a weakness that she knows you have, the only thing i can try and suggest is try and block her out of your mind, i know its easier said then done, but the more you think about what she's trying to do you the worse you will feel. try if possibly to think of something wonderful whenever she texts or phone's just something that will make you happy. in the end she will get fed up trying to text or phone if you continue not to reply, it might take a week or two, but try your best to block it out. i'm here if i can help any further kind regards take care Alan x

  • Hi ,one whole day with no contact.Bet it won't last.😊

  • hi there Rosie you never now, but take it one day at a time, the more you ignore her phone calls, the more it might sink in to her head. anyway take care hope all goes well for you. Alan

  • Don't believe it ,a week with no contact from Her.x

  • hi Rosie things are looking good you have won that battle, lets see if you can win the war take care your friend Alan well done xx

  • Thanks .I've even lost 2 lbs since Sunday,so well chuffed.😀

  • hi Rosie i'm so pleased for you, i bet your well chuffed and not hearing from her has made you feel better take care your friend Alan xx

  • Hello. Sometimes you need to look after yourself first in order that you can help look after others. As far as the old lady is concerned, you should not be feeling any guilt. I see you live in the UK - the person concerned should be in the hands of social services if there are no relatives to help look after her. You have been doing their job for them - with little, or no, appreciation or thanks. Rather than feeling guilty you should feel proud that you have helped for as long as you have.

    But as the situation appears to be deteriorating, its time for you to look after yourself and your own family. It is frankly shocking that your own health is suffering because of what appears to be at least verbal abuse.

    You are already looking after your disabled husband - for most people that would be enough to have to deal with. I have to say I agree with your daughter based on what I have read here. This person is being selfish and abusive. In normal circumstances I would have added that the lady herself might be behaving that way due to her own deterioration, but you said that this has been going on for years. So it seems like that is her normal demeanor.

    My advice to you is simple - get out and dont feel guilty about it. hand her over to social services, whose job it is to take care of her. You need to take care of yourself by not allowing others to be nasty and abusive towards you. I wish you well.


  • Hi,your right its time I looked after my self.She doesn't like social services because they took her daughter away.She is now in a care home and being looked after properly.She has Downs syndrome .Her mother more interested in looking after her chickens and dog.

  • Well that explains a lot - you are well out of it. I was a social worker for about 5 years at the beginning of my career 35 years ago - so I know they would not take the child from a parent unless there was good reason.

    Now you can concentrate on yourself for a change p- and your own family of course :-)

  • Hi Alan.Quick update.Not heard a word from HER.Very surprised. She litteraly does nt do anything in the house unless I'm there.Cobwebs hanging from every ceiling, floor filthy,rubbish piled every where.The only thing she does is look after her chickens.I've even had to open the post and make her pay the bills.Hope your OK.Take care.😃

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