My Husband is close to leaving me.......

My Husband of 10 years has been getting more and more distant from me over the past few months. He has been through a lot with me regarding my depression/anxiety.

I had to recently come off Sertraline due to a clash with other meds, which has resulted in a relapse of both depression/anxiety. Doctors have been trying several new meds, had to come off both Mertazipine and Trazadone due to nasty side effects. Now trying Pregabalin.

Worried about side effects, but today Husband has said he doesn't think he can go through all this again....Trying so hard to tolerate meds, and my MH to improve so he doesn't leave me.

I never asked to have this awful condition, and feeling abandoned by the person who should love and support me the most - as I have supported him through his life.

I feel very alone right now...

[Hidden]

Good Morning Newday. I feel so very very much for you right now. This is awful to say the least. Does your husband know about the complications all this can have on your day to day living. Is he aware of the problems this can cause you. Im not talking right now of him leaving you but of the actually depression and panic. Why not ask him to come online and have a chat with some of us, it may educate him a little. Oh its terrible to hear is has said these things and as much as i feel for you there is only yourselves that can sort this out. I wish there was some good advice i could give you on this situation but all i can say is your husband should be supporting you, he should be helping you through this. Surely he knows a little about all of this condition and if he is not fully aware then maybe coming on here and talking to other fellow sufferers it may point out that it is not only you who suffers this but thousands out there and everyone has anxiety but it shows differently. It might just be that he needs support as well. He could be feeling that he gives you a lot of support and your not helping yourself so why should he bother any more, but this is only me thinking hun. it could be he does not fully understand it. There are hundreds of possibilities as to why he feels as he does. Please do not feel so alone, your husband could just be having a bad day himself. As i said he could need the support as well. Its very difficult and i do hope you manage to discuss this today at some point before it gets totally out of control. Good luck hun and if you feel the need to talk more there are lots of people on this site that will be there to listen to you. I do hope you can both get through this. Its not easy but there is a way to cope without it feeling daunting all the time. x Debs

[duckula]

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. The illness itself is scary enough without being told something like that. I understand it must be hard for your husband too. Sometimes I wonder how much more my boyfriend will be able to take when I have a relapse. I guess they feel so helpless. We have found that doing exercise together, like running is good for us. It helps my anxiety, it's good for him and he's supporting me in helping me to feel better..I'm sorry I can't be more help.x

[Hidden in reply to duckula]

Thank You for your kind words. Agree that exercise is a great mood booster.

[Hidden]

Thanks Debs, really appreciate your kind words. My Husband has supported me through a long battle with anxiety. 2 years ago I found a drug called Sertraline that completely changed my MH in that it stopped my anxiety and panic disorder.

With things a lot calmer, I was able to socalise, travel more and have a normal life without the dreadful awdeal of panic. I can understand that my Husband doesn't want to live through this again - and have to say neither do I.

I will suggest him looking at this site.

XX

[Hidden]

Your more than welcome and its nice to know he has supported you but sometimes these feelings and fears do come back but once we have had them we find a way to deal with them. It may be a good idea for him to perhaps login and have a chat with a few people. I did put up a blog for partners.

Although i have taken all my blogs away now because i felt with one response that i was upsetting someone. Im not hear to do that im here just like everyone else to help support and guide and chat with other members who suffer the same and try get ideas that way. Its hard though and i do feel rather bad about upsetting someone because of my blogs which was why i removed them. Its not fair though to make someone feel bad about trying to help others, its really not.

I suppose in some ways i should not have removed them because they were a good insight for people who are new to suffering and gave a lot of information. Sometimes someone does not want to talk about it but reading something that makes them understand more can help but still i thought it easier to remove them...

Anyway i do hope yourself and your husband can sort things out, it would be a great shame to know he has helped and supported you all this time and now he is ready to give up to. maybe he is suffering himself and needs support. Which is why i suggested that this site may be good for him too.

Good luck hun and best wishes. x

[leapea in reply to Hidden]

i wish u hadn't removed ur blogs before i had a chance to read them, u seem a real help to alot of people x

[BriarRose]

Hi, Newday

I'm so sorry it's so difficult for both you and your husband. I've been on both ends - caring for someone with MH problems, and suffering from them myself, so I do understand a bit. Haven't any "magic bullets", but MIND do have a whole section of their website aimed at carers. Not all of it will be relevant, but your husband might find it helpful to look at - I'm sure there's more than just the link I've found.

Try going to:

mind.org.uk/help/carers

Really hope this helps, and things start to pick up for you both. MH problems do put a strain on relationships - but then, so does any other illness! And, at the risk of sounding sexist (sorry, guys!) I do think men find it more difficult, because they're still taught not to talk about emotions, and some of them find it very uncomfortable. Do look at the website, there might be something there to support your husband in supporting you.

Very best of luck to both of you.

Rose xxx

[Hidden in reply to BriarRose]

Thank You Rose. Your kind words and link are very helpful. x

[BriarRose in reply to Hidden]

You're very welcome, Newday, hope it helps you both. xx

[Hidden]

Hello again. I have posted a new blog on the site. Maybe you could get your husband to take a look. It may work it may not, its worth a try, i guess anything is worth a try at the moment. Good luck. x

[hedgecrone]

Wow - I feel for you both, newday. Mental health problems affect everyone in the family and both of you need support. I agree with everything said here and I would urge you to contact Rethink - it's a support group for partners and families of those who suffer from mental illness. There could well be a local group in your area where your husband could get support.

And no, he doesn't want to go through all this again but neither do you - you didn't choose to be ill any more than if you'd had cancer or any other illness. He must be scared - scared of not coping, scared of letting you down. Tell him you understand how hard it is for him and how much you value his support and that you can see it through together, and get some support for you both. If he doesn't want to contact Rethink himself, you can do it - I really recommend them.

[Louise8]

I know what your going through. I have a phobia which can restrict the places that me and my partner go and the things that we do. His told me a few times that he can't handle it anymore and will leave me and he has nearly walked out . It's heart breaking because they don't understand, you don't want to have this thing about you. It's just the way you are. People need to accept that but its easier said then done..Especial when his mum thinks that he should leave me too, due to my phobias. I think you need to talk to him and tell him that his mad for thowing the marriage away and it could just as easily happen to him one day ! I'm seeing a man called Craig Price about my problems, he deals with loads of things from depression etc ... and is trainned by the speakmans who are therapists and they can help . Let me know if you want his web page .