Sunday sadness..

[shadow45]

Boy do I hate to be saying this.... After really pushing myself last week I feel terrible this morning.... I have been working the CBT hard today trying to pull myself out of this sadness....Its not anxiety or depression today. I have taken in so much information now that I do fight with my brain quite a bit.... The brain.. it has been said ..can be our worst enemy.... And I find myself having to battle what my brain is trying to get me to believe. I have had one or two "triggers" occur in the past day or two. The first was my Brothers Email and then an update on my parents health ..So I am hard at work letting the negative thoughts flow through me and not allowing them to stick. My Brother has a good life.. there trip this year will take them to Portugal Spain and Italy...All good stuff right.. and I should be pleased for them... and I am.... . Last night I had a hard time settling myself and the temptation to take a quick fix pill was there .I went for a drive instead That helped ...Understanding that these moments will pass and we all can live a life with these problems is important to keep in mind. That's what I tell myself now as the waves of worry come and go. Right now all I want is a hug and some love which is making me cry a little Looks like today will be another struggle ...Much love steve

[Hidden]

Hi Steve.

Sorry to hear your having a bit of a downer,it doesn't take much to set us off when we are anxious.I am glad you resisted the temptation to have a pill,I am sure that during the course of the day you will feel better.I totally agree with you when you say our brains are our worst enemy,anxiety has a lot to answer for.I hope you feel better soon.

Kenny

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Kenny yes I am in a bit of a state right now.. Slowly getting my head together as the day progresses...Just so tired of it all... you know....steve

[Hidden]

HI Steve x Sorry to hear you are having a off day x You have done so well all week a little blip can be expected. I often find that if you feel overwhelmed with new information writing it all down in a way you understand can help a great deal x Or talking about it out loud. I can agree that at times brains are the worst enemy a person an have, as they work so hard against you x I often say at times my anxiety is the battle between the head and the heart x you will always find that things will trigger you to think negative thoughts but the fact you chose to counter act them by going for a drive was good x Emotions are like the waves of the ocean sometimes the tide brings in the crap but it can also take it back out to sea if you let it go x Sending some big hugs your way xx Donver x

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

Hi donna Its just such a bummer one day good the next not so much. I know we all know this feeling... Its a kick in the crotch and disappointing as well...When we try all that we can and still it persists...Much love steve

[Hidden]

Hi Steve,it's good you didn't take the meds but went out instead.As you said you know the bad moments pass,You've been so busy this last week with your new job and meeting new people,and trying to take it all in,not surprising your in a bit of an overload.

It hard to think of others seemingly living great lives and having an easy time,when we find things hard,you can get a little resentful,even if it is family members ,I've been there,then feel awful for feeling like that.

Hope you manage to have a reasonable day today.

Know it's not the same ,but sending you lots of hugs

Anne xxxxx

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Anne. I will get out and visit today I have been trying to work on my issues maybe a little too much... the need to get myself to a place where I can take on some stress at work had been a struggle.... Still not sure how its all going to work out. I think that that is behind my feelings of sadness today... I just want to pull the covers over my head.. But as the CBT says avoiding things makes them worse. Thank you for the hugs much love steve

[bepete]

Hi steve.

sorry to hear you are having a bad day.

I can understand how you feel about your brother etc.

there will be a time when you can send an email, telling people I am away on my travels.

God only knows you deserve ,to get away ,after your caring life with your parents.

You've had a busy time recently ,with the new job etc,

I only wish I had my car , and could drive it, I would be off to somewhere good and out of this house, before you could say on your marks !.

And as anne says ,I hope you manage to have reasonable day today !

Pete.

[shadow45 in reply to bepete]

Thank you Pete. Slowly getting to feel a bit better the mornings are usually the worst time for me ..hope your doing ok steve

[bepete in reply to shadow45]

Doing fine today steve ,mornings are my worst time too.

But I have my classes to do now so I am beginning to get busy .

And as you know I have lots of hospital ,physio and therapy.

so my days can be fraught , with a mixture of nerves and highs or lows.

Today was a good fun day , Tomorrow who knows (I have a pre op assessment ).

Look after yourself steve !, its once more your time !.

The job sounds a busy one ,But remember what i said weeks ago don't do too much.

Its been my experience, the more you try the less thanks you get !.

And if you are anything like me that will upset you .

Take it easy !

pete.

[Hidden]

hi steve, can two blokes give each other a hug? ( am sure they can ) sending mine & o/h by first class travel to Canada , love jasper,

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

Oh I think so jasper thank you wishing you a great day...steve

[Hidden]

Hi Steve

Sorry you are having a bad day.

I always think starting a new job or course is like information overload in our brains. You will slowly get used to and familiarised with your new job and settle in. It's early days yet.

As for your brothers email I know what you are talking about as I have a much loved sister who has a lovely husband and two lovely little boys and a nice life in London with no health problems. It can be very hard sometimes to feel envy at her life compared to mine. But she deserves it and has worked hard for it but I get upset about it. I would love a husband and I can't have children so it can be very hard. But such is life. We all have our problems. But it is painful if we are struggling and we see others sail through life.

Xxx

[shadow45]

Sail is a good word to use... I used to sail a lot back in the day.... and its a good metaphor for how I see my brothers life. I am happy you have a good sister in a stable life situation.. I hope she shows you comfort and support. How have you been lately.. Much love steve

[Hidden in reply to shadow45]

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Hi Steve

She is supportive but is quite far away in London but we speak on the phone all the time. Haven't been to visit for awhile due to my health issues. Would love to go when settled into new position and health is stabilised

No fits today which is good. Busy week next week. Anxiety club tommorow morning, Tuesday pyschiatric nurse, wed work meeting, Thursday doc appt, hairdesser is coming round to do my hair and mum and dad's hair too. So a busy week ahead. I'm praying I get a good transfer in my job so I can get back into work and build up my self Esteem again. Will have to see what they say.

Hope you have a good week . Xxxx

[shadow45 in reply to Hidden]

All good news I`m pulling for you.. GB steve

[Yummimummi]

Hey Steve,

So sorry you've had an off day

I really hope your day improved .

Sending hugs xxx

[shadow45]

I did manage to pull it together and had a good afternoon bike ride ....much love steve