Why why why does it have to be like this

Ok I woke up this morning I was ok. I ate about 11 and then went back to bed actually took a nap woke up then took another nap. The most I've done in months as far as sleep goes. Ate again about 2 pm. I'm doing all I can to get my appetite back and sleep back. No good sleep or appetite for over two months now. Now my mind and body is paying for it. Well I was ok while in the house. But as soon as I had to leave to get the kids, and I had to stop to the store. There It Was I Felt lightheaded a bit, moderate weakness like I had to walk slow or my legs would give out, muscles feel tight in my calf and legs, a bit of detached feeling, so of course my mind just went to the same old thoughts which I'm sure brought on more anxiety. It's like I'm trying so hard to accept the fact that anxiety can do this but it's so hard when the physical symptoms step in. Now I'm home feeling a bit down again, thoughts kind of all over the place. Is this really the life of generalized anxiety disorder? Can this just come when it wants? I've tried rationalizing my thoughts by saying ok my body did lose most of its strength from being malnutrition so maybe this is why my muscles feel week. I even said ok, stress may have brought these headaches on instead thinking it's a brain tumor or something else, I'm really trying here but it's so hard. Now I'm home trying to push through these those which now anxiety is on me. Will my body and brain do like a reset to get back to normal? I'm trying to eat so I won't lose weight, I trying to get back to a better sleeping pattern so my brain can rejuvenate. Can I? How long did it take for you all to get back?

12 Replies

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  • I'm sorry you're struggling. Have you had blood work and a check up?

  • Well I've have blood work done like the usual blood works, checking for anemia, thyroid, diabetes, h pylori, no hypertension, hiv check, last pap I had in Feb gp said all looks good as far as cervix screening, so basically been to urgent cares several times, emergency room too much and all never said anything that warrants no problems. But every time I've called an ambulance to my home because of what I've been feeling, they've all said, "sound like panic attacks". But yes I did get some bad news from my blood work which was said I have kidney disease (not failing) but disease and that's what traumatized me in june and I think brought my anxiety back sky high. I stressed every night since june, no sleep no appetite and it all went down hill. Now almost four months later, my body and mind is paying for it. Atleast I hope that's all it is because yes I have bit of health anxiety too, quite badly matter of fact. And when I did decide to see a cbt she pretty much assess all my symptoms and what I told her and she said it's GAD AND MILD DEPRESSION.

  • I have experienced every single symptom you have described. I saw that you have had multiple blood tests, and everything came back normal. Your symptoms are all very common anxiety symptoms and none of them can harm you, so there is nothing to worry about. You mention feeling detached, it's called derealization. I've experienced that many times, you feel like your surroundings aren't real, but it's almost like a coping mechanism, and is not harming you. There is nothing wrong with your brain I promise. I got an MRI a year ago because I thought I had a tumor but it turned out everything was normal, and you do not have a tumor I promise! If you take the time to let yourself feel the symptoms and accept them instead of trying to fight them you will feel a lot better. God bless you take care

  • Thank you for responding I'm trying to cope with it by and trying to accept it so I can move forward and as I've learned this thing takes time. But thank you for reassuring this. It really does bring me to a calm when I see that others have been through the same things. Yes if derealization is the word then yes I feel that quite often throughout my days it's almost like only a few moments or hours out of the day that I feel normal. And if I'm lucky I may get one full day of feeling normal.

  • Yes it's going to take time! But that's an awesome step, I'm glad you're trying your best to accept it because that's all you can do, and I'm sure you are perfectly healthy. Please always remember that there are millions just like you who are feeling the same way, I once felt that way but it will get better and you are not alone. When the derealization starts to happen try and tell yourself that it's just your mind trying to cope with the high level of anxiety and worry and that it will not harm you like I said , also try and focus on 5 things you can hear, smells feel, and see and that always helps me bring me back to reality a little bit.

  • Yes that us certainly what will stick through my mind. There are mil

  • *millions going through this and as I realized that all these days that turned into months if me thinking the worst shows it was me being in that vicious cycle and now it's time to try plan b which is acceptance and move forward

  • Hi Icanbeatthis

    Recovery isn't instantaneous but your mind and body does reset itself so don't worry about that. You might think you are broken beyond repair but that couldnt be further from the truth. It sorts itself out just like a broken bone. It's nature. Nothing more, nothing less. At the moment, you are getting in the way of the natural healing process by trying to rid yourself or control the feelings, all of which are fear based. You just need to lose the fear by practising acceptance and loosen your grip on the anxiety.

    Recovery happens in layers, thin layers which you may not even notice happening. For example, I used to get brain zaps that would stop a charging bull at 50 yards. Awful things but didn't actually notice that they had stopped until weeks later when I thought "oh, I've not had any brain zaps for a while." Even then, recovery may not be linear in that you feel a little better each day, week, or month. For me it was a very up and down affair...one step forwards, three steps back, two steps forward, one step back etc. So long as you accept that it is all anxiety and get on with your day, no matter how bad you feel, your mind and body will be recovering behind the scenes.

    Don't go searching for recovery and trying to get rid of anxiety because it is the "trying" part just adds more tension to your mind and body. Don't try to sleep either. Your body knows when you need sleep so don't force the issue because that just adds more stress..."I must sleep, I must sleep, I can't sleep...arrrghhhh." if you don't sleep, you don't sleep. Give up caring about it. Give up caring about anxiety. Let it be there, let it make you feel dizzy or feel crap or whatever it does to you. Just don't fight any of it or try to control it.

    Recovery is different for everybody. Some heal quicker than others but don't be concerned about that. You will recover at your own pace, just don't try forcing it because it won't happen. There is that word again, "try." You literally have to do nothing about the anxiety and just take it with you, wherever you go. Recovery will then come looking for you, bit by bit. It may start by you having moments of clarity when you start to see through the lies that anxiety has been telling you. Those moments can be fleeting at first but you can learn a lot which makes it a little easier to accept the symptoms when the anxiety comes knocking again. And it will but if you keep practising acceptance, you will stop caring about that too. The more you accept and say "so what?" to it all, the more you recover. Develop a "I don't give a damn" attitude, and mean it and the old (but wiser) you gradually surfaces. The more you resist and fight to get rid of your anxiety, the longer it stays. Accept it all as anxiety and do normal stuff. Pick up the kids, go shopping, meet friends for lunch, coffee etc. Take the anxiety with you. Don't let it dictate your life. You are so much bigger than anxiety, you probably just don't realise it yet but you will, in time, if you keep practising acceptance.

    By all means eat regularly, even if you don't feel like it. You know it helps to maintain your health and is important. don't give in to the anxiety. Do the opposite.

    You can and will recover so long as you give up trying to fight it. You are only fighting with yourself which is a battle you can't win so no point in trying.

    Regards

    Beevee

  • Beevee I can't begin to tell you how much sense you make and I truly hope and I plan to take your advice every step of my journey. I have began to rationalize better when it comes to all my negative and outlandish thoughts so I hope that's bit of a start. But again thank you for being that coach in our ears when we need it most.

  • At its height, it is difficult to rationalise with anxiety and could be exhausting, as well as being in the "trying" mode. Basically, you are anxious so your thoughts will be anxious too and attempting to rationalise it could be adding fuel to the fire. Just let it be there. If anything, just say to yourself "hello anxiety " and carry on doing the normal stuff. Just feel the fear and let it run its course. I know it feels awful but it is completely harmless. Do nothing about it. Don't push it away or try to stop it coming. The best way I can describe it is to be comfortable about feeling uncomfortable.

  • Awesome post Beevee! Makes so much sense.

  • You are much much stronger than you think and recovery wil come.

    I am very much in a place where I can relate to the whole anxiety thing - last year when I had post concussion syndrome, my anxiety was so severe that I literally had a nervous breakdown after not sleeping (at ALL) for about a month. My GP nearly called the crisis team and prescribed various psychotropic meds to try and sort it out. I took sleeping pills and diazepam that stopped working, plus Citalopram (although prob not for long enough) that also didn't work either.

    Eventually after a horrible period of taking a typical antipsychotic for a week, I was calmer but I have a drug induced movement disorder because of it(tardive dyskinesia (TD) - LUCKY ME!), and it was the Citalopram that got me sleeping and a lot calmer in the end.

    Insomnia and anxiety are awful - I certainly wouldn't wish either on my worst enemy. TD is worse but I guess life has given me lemons so I'm making lemonade...

    Stay strong, hang in there and don't be scared to ask for help or take meds like antidepressants (NOT antipsychotic drugs though - that stuff is evil). They work and lower your cortisol / adrenaline levels and help you sleep. Believe me when I say I prob wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. Obv everyone is different but sometimes getting some extra help can be the thing you need.

    Good luck, stay strong. I'm rooting for you. 😊👍🏽 Big hugs x

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