Am I making excuses??

Hi all, hOw are we all? Well where to start today x I feel like I'm on a rant the last few and my head has never felt so full of crap. Mt cbt therapist has really done a number this week, I feel like I given up.

Today started well, got up had shower etc made dinner felt good. Then the neighbour started with her lies stupid silly likes. She sent me a message on fb asking if i felt i was being watched. Our houses are detached but if you stand in my kitchen window you can see straight down into hers (the houses are on a hill hers below mine ) you can also see straight up into her stair window so we don't have privacy much. I replied that yes I had seen her watching me from the stair window while I was washing up, to which she basically called me liar. I'm not blind I saw her and no disrespect but she is a large lady so you can't miss her. So to all on fb Im the liar, whatever Im not bothered she wants to fill her life with lies on her head be it.

And then the disagreement with the hubby, it doesn't happen often but today it did. We have a holiday booked in 4 weeks time, only a week at weymouth but I don't want to go. Im scared as I cannot even get out the house never mind go and sit in a popular holiday resort park full of people. I said Id go if I could sit in the caravan all day but nope he expects me to be better and go. Its making me feel ill, the stress and pressure have started. It was the same back in july when our 2 weeks to alcudia came round, I stayed home alone for 2 weeks, relied on online shopping and this site for company as no one came to see me. I cried for days and felt so alone. No one cared no one was bothered. And now he informs me he booking it again for next july and I have to go. I don't want to I wanna cry. How can I make him understand If o cannot leave the house I cannot go. He is supposed to be helping me get out with one to one company, but he is always busy. He takes kids to school goes at dinner time for youngest insulin, and the times in between he is either at hosp for his illness or shopping or theres something he needs to do. He goes to bed at 8pm every night and I just find now I am on my own. Sick and worried about this hol xxx Thanks for listening if you do xxx Donver

22 Replies

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  • Hi donver, yikes if that was me I'd be putting blinds up at the window she sounds creepy!

    Had a similar thing years ago with neighbour over the road she was staring at me putting my Christmas decs up so I got fed up and pulled a face at her she stopped after that :D

    Mimii xx

  • Hi Mimii, she is very creepy lol x I have blinds up but they are roller blinds so unless I want to live in the dark all day I have to have them semi open alas she can see in as with the level of the houses her stair window is almost level with my kitchen x I hate people who are always starting saying that I also like to be nosey out the window at the right times lol x Good for you with your neighbour xx

  • Hey give her a scare you could get a Halloween mask stand there doing washing up with it on , oh the thought has me in stitches would love to do that :D

    Mimii xx

  • Lol x nice thought xx :)

  • Hi Donver,

    yes I am listening and reading your blogs.

    Oh dear not good when you don't want to go on holiday or anywhere in fact.

    I have wanted to go to the seaside for the last ten years as I love the sea. But to go on the motorways or any busy road is a big no no for me. I dare not tell my family I would love to go to the sea as they would have it all booked and arranged in a week, then wonder why I was freaking out for. So I sort of understand where you are coming from. I do get out but it is always local never to far from home.

    As for your neighbour, I wouldn't worry about the Facebook thing, so much get puts on that site in the day, her comment will be half way down the page by now if not gone. people are always putting strange things on Facebook.

    I can't understand why your hubby booked a holiday for next July if you didn't go last year. maybe he is thinking things will change by then for you, who knows what people are thinking and why they do things we don't want them to do.

    Don't know weather my reply has helped or not. But hope you feeling a bit better now, Gardener x

  • Hi gardenertwo x Ty for listening :)

    Its not that I don't want to go out, I want to more than anything in the world. I'm just so scared of panic attacks and looking silly in front of others. I've never been a confident person and have always been more bothered about others and there opinions than I should be. I love the seaside, I only live 20 mins from it x I love the sea air and the smell of doughnuts etc so that way I'm so excited but its the travelling for one, 6 hours from my home to weymouth:(

    then its going to be so busy. And I know I will feel lousy with all those people and panic. Make a prat of myself :/

    I have blocked her on fb and I'm thinking the hint may have to be delete and get lost . Got enough going in in life without her x

    My hubby bless is thinking by next year Ill be cured, dont think he understands as he has always been the type who grabs life and lives x so confident and outgoing x Wish I could be like him.

    A reply always helps as seeing things from diff perspectives makes you realise things that can be changed x if you know what I mean.

    Ill keep on swimming x :) xx thanks

  • Hi

    If you pull the roller blind half way down when you are busy in the kitchen , wouldnt that block her out , other than that it would be going to the expense of getting the other kind , I no I would have to do something though , she would do my head in :o

    Well as you never go out , I think you are doing well , even saying you will go & sit in the caravan , I couldnt & wouldnt

    I no I went to the town the other day , first time in ages & was going to go to daughters today but thats my limit

    I would sit him down & try & explain , that would he prefer you not to go at all , because thats the deal , you go & stay in caravan or its not going to work

    If I am not under pressure , someone could say yes thats ok , & just maybe , I might venture out once I was there , its that pressure though that makes me anxious if I feel someone is saying "you will " that makes me even worse & you have no chance then

    Now hubby , I do no we are not easy to live with when we have anxiety , & he is a man & they dont think like women they cant , i think though maybe they need to keep escaping & doing their own thing to get a breather so they can cope with us again :-/

    I no if I had to live with me & put up with me , I would have to keep wandering of

    Just a thought , I am sure he does care , but he may feel the need to keep escaping , now & again :-/

    I could kick your counsellor myself this week as I do think she has done a good job on you , I hope its a better session this week coming :)

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • hi whywhy x even with the blind halfways she can still see x its a blackout blind ot so cannot take it to far down. She has mentioned moving again today so x fingers x maybe its karma but some kids took it upon themselves to egg her house last night so she in a grump due to that x

    This caravan thing is gonna be a tough choice as if I don't go I'm home alone for 7 days and i know I cannot do that again x But at the same time if I go i'm under pressure to perform the mother can do this role. I think thats half my problem I always feel under pressure. My family don't bother me unless its to offload there problems and I take them on and listen x I have no real friends only ones who like to make me feel worse than I am. And If i didn't go they wouldn't visit x

    The Hubby is great in most ways theres not many men who would do what he does for me. He makes sure I don't have the stress of going out and maybe sometimes it adds to my worries as he makes it to easy for me not to go out. I know he likes his time to himself and he deserves it x Really wish I could be like him, he has been told his illness is getting worse and that he now has increased risk of cancer or h attack and his attitude is so what im alive now x He really is live life to the full x and because the kids have both been at deaths door they take after him x Its hard to keep up x

    I have been writing down how I have felt from what the counsellor said this week and I intend to give it to her x Maybe thats my problem I try to remember what to tell her and I cannot, when she is here so I ramble x

    Hopefully tomorrow brings a better mood for the week xx:)

  • Oh I do hope she moves , if not maybe start a fund to save up for some new blinds :D

    Oh what a shame her house got egged , I thought you would have been over there helping to clean up the mess :-/

    Hubby has a lot to deal with & yes I to wish I could have that attitude , how do they think that way I will never no

    I have quizzed them before to find out & they look at you gone out as if to say well this is normal thinking isnt it :-/

    Maybe try & explain this under pressure thing , as i do understand thats what gets to me , he maybe able to understand & you could come to some compromise as he does sound a lovely man :)

    I am pleased you have written down what you need to say to the counsellor , at the moment this seems to have done you more harm this week , so good for you , I have got everything crossed it goes better , as it may have shook your confidence a little , but maybe with this counselling you have some bad sessions now & again , but in the long run it will work :)

    xxx

  • I need to learn to live in hope so this is a start lol x The thing with the blinds and I know it sounds daft is my kitchen is just as i like it x its got its own style and it was the only purple blind I could find as I decided to paint my kitchen lilac on a spur x

    I was ever so slightly childlike and giggly when the egg thing was announced :)

    If I knew the answer to the hubbys attitude id so be cashing in lol x I think in life you just find some people who aren't bothered by things x He always says what's the point in worrying as your wasting what precious time you have x

    My list is long for this wed x ty for the crossed fingers x maybe if i'm not baffled I can express myself some more x Im reminding myself its only week 4 coming I cannot expect miracles xx

  • Well donver , I have to be honest , I like my kitchen & at the moment everything else just as it is & I wouldnt want to change it either !

    Erm , wonder whi threw the eggs , if you new you could buy them another box :D

    xxx

  • Lol x id buy them a friggin hoard if i thought she would move faster x I know I could and tb we are considering making the move to bournemouth soon as the in laws are there x but my house is perfect to me and i'm so dammed fussy x

  • Its very very hard and I totally know where youre coming from regarding hols,,, I cant even go see my friend 30 mins up the road at the min, no way I could go on hol.

    I had to cancel a hol last Dec with my then partner cos I just couldn't go!! Its very hard for them to understand I think, cos they just think its a hol and that's lovely, they don't realise what its like !!

    Anyway Ive been no use what so ever, but just to say youre not alone!!

    Good luck

    Ker x

  • Thank you anne x its more than a help to just know I'm not alone and being selfish not wanting to go x I cannot go anywhere takes me all my time to go into the garden x my car is parked in the layby and i cannot even get to it and your talking across 10 foot of green. I have tired to explain to my hubby its not the panic its not the worry its the people laughing at me x they scare me x and going to a haven park there is a lot of people :/ but then I feel guilty as the kids suffer x Thank you again x x

  • Hiya,

    Your neighbours a looney tune, who does that!? Its intimidation. Delete and block! Im sure your mutual friends know shes a liar and wont believe her lies, you can take confort from the fact that you may be poorly with anxiety but your a nice person who does nt bully others. It does nt sound like you can stop the hubby booking a holiday, at least your forewarned so you can arrange some company for next year so your not alone. We ll keep you company if not xxxx

  • Hi looking glass x my neighbour is defo a looney tune lol x nicely put :) I used to feel sorry for her, thinking it was her way to get attention but I think now she gets what's coming. We don't have many mutual friends i have always lived in my town all of my 36 years while she came from an isolated town. She seems to try to impress the parents of our kids who are in the same class at school. Cannot be doing with school yard parent crap tbh. She is blocked and soon deleted.

    I have told the hubby if he feels the need to go away he can x but he has to go it alone with the kids again, I have never flown and it would add to my anxiety. I have experienced abroad good old zebra coach trips and tbh I wasn't impressed. I like the twinkles of blackpool better than the dull benidorm lol x And i'm not a sun person my skin blisters into huge mega blisters x Ive told him if he goes away i will book myself into the priory lol x they seem to cure all the celebs so maybe they can me lol x wishful thinking :) xx

  • Morning x,

    You blister in the sun? poor thing, are you a red head? My sister sent her fella to get some antacids when they were in spain, he s ginger an would nt put sun block on (typical man!) when he came back he was so badly blisterd he had to go to hospitall!

    Blackpools ace, im taking my niece to see the illuminations once the clocks go back. Coming on here and talking to people i realise how lucky i am that my anxiety does nt stop me from going out the house. I just cant handle friends, a fella or any type of social life lol!

    2 weeks on your own eh, sod the priory id start collecting films i wanted to see, books id always meant to read and hoarding chocolate! xxx

  • HI x Im not a redhead I have a very dark brown hair (well mainly grey now hehe stress ) but my skin just doesn't like the sun x I burn very badly x its only the tops of my arms that blister but they become huge domes of puss x tmi i know. Then comes the steroid cream to clear it up.

    I long to go out, and see blackpool but could,nt. Im not bothered about a social life to live is a adventure in itself x

    I hate being on my own lol x I think being one of 7 kids I always had people around so cannot do the alone thing. Pretty silly how it works out when im afraid of people outside isn't it xx I can do the choc thing though as long as i had jelly tots x x

  • Ps, was just thinking if someone who did nt suffer stumbled on this site they d think we were a gang of weirdos! One minute were at the ends of the earth, the next whywhys posting pics of freaky alien caterpillars and were all like ooooh looka t that! xxxxxx

  • LOl whyhwy,s post cheered me up last night xx Aliens are amongst us x And we are all weird together sod the world lol xx

  • Hey donver , we have a problem here , because half the time I think I am normal & its the rest of them out there that are weird :D

    xxx

  • :D This is why this site is so good , we can go from been serious , to having a laugh , shows we can still have a sense of humor , even when suffering :D

    Dont no where it is today by the way , but at least I dont have ET in the garden , which my crazy head thought I could have by this morning :D

    xxx

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