confused is it anexity? or am i mad !!

Hi, i am a sufferer of anexity/depression/ptsd/bipolar basically whateva my body decides to blame at the time my thoughts run away with me and i always assume im suffering from something if not dying from it. Im 35 years old and have always had some form of anexity or so i thought. Without the detail i have,nt had the best in life various stepdads violence and a partner who wasnt afraid to show love in a fist kind of way and had a funny way of showing love, i am currently married to the best man in the world even though he has flaws they are nothing compared to what i went through. i have 3 kids and 2 of them have been very unwell almost dying on a few occassion, i grew up unloved by all but my nana n granda who have left me in the space of a year of each other and now im sorta alone bar my little family. I had some brilliant friends so i thought but these have used me and turned me against lesser friends to the point im now billy no mates so here i am alone confused n suffering i guess some would say karma for treating these lessers the way i did. My mam suffered from anexity and this was the first i saw of how this illness could mame people, i helped her so much in all the time she suffered, virtually running her life for her but i get no return help now. I have never been a confident person shying away from all situations letting people walk over me hiding , but i was beginning to feel better and thean wham like a bolt out of the blue this happened. The attacks started i stopped caring and gave up, i let myself go, some days i cannot even be bothered to get out of bed:/ i feel like givin up and letting go but then when i think thats happening it starts me panaking because i realise i want to live and be a good mam n wife, i just need to sort myslef out. I live in hope that one day i can return to my normal ways, sadly ive become a recluse to because im so shy and worried so bloody worried all the time about the way others see me i think if i go out and panic in public people will laugh, your all thinking now i am mad lol i think it myself. people try to give me advice n say dont think of others but hey ive tried its not working. anyway enough of the boring for now. any suggestions?? anyone feeling similar??

Donna x

[fadedlizard]

Hi Donna,

You're not going mad (or if you are you're in good company lol). You are suffering from Anxiety and when it gets bad like this it leaks out into all areas of your life and suddenly you're swamped.

I'm not surprised though ~ you have been through an awful lot in a short space of time, any one of which could knock you side ways, all together and I think you're doing brilliantly to still be standing.

Are you getting any help? If not your first port of call should be your doctor. Go as soon as possible and explain to him all that has happened and how you're feeling. Probably you need some meds to see you through this patch. If you are under the doc, on meds, etc I would still go back as it sounds like you need further support. Try to push for counselling too as it sounds like you need to talk. I'm glad you have such a good partner. It's good to have someone on your side but if you're like me you worry about overburdening people so having a professional to chat to can be a godsend. I'm sorry you have had such a nightmare experience with domestic violence but perhaps you could check out helplines and websites that deal with this specifically ~ just a thought but it might get you some much needed support.

Keep posting on here too. I've found the support of the people on here invaluable and I hope you will too.

Best Wishes,

Lizard.

[Hidden in reply to fadedlizard]

ty lizzard x im on propronol and i start to see a councellor in feb if i can actually get past my recluse stage and get t the clinc x im hopin by writing this out and sort of making myself see im not alone it will ease the way i feel and make me notice that once i can accept that i can go out into the world and find myself again x

[fadedlizard]

Do you find the propronol is working for you?

I'm glad you've got counselling coming up although i understand how hard it can be to psych yourself up to get there. Is it a long trip to the clinic? I know for me a lot of the anxiety is worsened if I have to add travel to the mix. Try to keep telling yourself this is your first step on your recovery journey.xxx

[Hidden in reply to fadedlizard]

Hi again x i was begininning to think that the tablets where working but i guess they only stop the actual physical symptoms such as heart racing and tingling the rush of adrenalin etc the thoughts still come and they trigger the attacks. I have to travel but its only a 10 minute journey and i go in the car with my hubby but i feel nervous in the car as i feel everyone stares which makes that part very nerve racking once im actual in a enviroment im confortable with i can relax and if i engage in chat can forgot an feel normal but if i remember the anexity i feel it coming x

[fadedlizard in reply to Hidden]

Hi,

Glad you don't have to go on your own and it sounds like you'll be fine once you get in there which is good. Just a bit stressed going there which isn't. Try to focus on the end result not the process. It's not easy but you'll get there. Also read some of the posts on here as there is a lot of discussion about acceptance and just letting the panic come. it sounds really scary but actually the anxiety gets less powerful.

Also I would recommend discussing your meds with yr GP as it is possible you need something different.

Let me know how you get on.xx