Hi all, well i'm slowly getting round to doing my cbt homework for wednesday, 10 things i like about me, I've got to 3 and that was bloody hard lol x Who knew when suffering from anxiety I could find i liked myself so little. Maybe why i was always so envious at other people and wished i could be like them. But i guess 3 is better than none and i have been as genuine as i could be, It would've been so easy to fill the page with lies. Thats my first dilemma out the way. After trying with my homework i decided to go over some of my old cbt notes from previous therapist and found i had squiggled in her suggestion not to go over and over my past. She said it would make my future unlivable if my past reigned and by visiting it often it was obviously still to much a part of my life to have a future. I was merely looking for pointers to good things but hey ho, it did make me wonder though as my current therapist says in some ways i need to go back and close the doors on my past as if they remain open stuff will sneak through, Any thoughts on this? after all of this as you can imagine my head was slightly clouded so i decided on a nice bath, big mistake, don't know if it was tiredness, or what it was but i felt worse after. Really run down and as if my whole body had shut me out and i was unaware and detached. I had mini panic episode and the whole oh my heart has stopped reared its head but i ignored and away it went. Then i went on fb and the neighbour had started, I had posted earlier on there on another friends comment about stuff that goes through peoples minds and my comment was merely so much stuff i could amaze some people, this lead into a debate with my neighbour on my not knowing the genuine meaning of life (note my neighbour is the only person who brings out my non existent violent side) i told her surely it was to live and be happy and she sarkily replied that i was thick and it was 42. I tried so hard but the urge to t**t her with a frying pan was growing. I ignored her and then the posts started about people with anxiety and it being in there head and they are not ill they just want sympathy, this coming from a woman who writes on fb like its her diary and we all know every detail of her life and the whopping lies she tells to make herself sound good, which people tend to buy. Long story straight i was civil and told her the meaning of life was living because if that was not the reason we would all be dead and then there would be no reason for life but then it ended my otherwise ok day with me and my tears as i felt down again x rant over thank you listening xxx Donver
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