still stuck on therapist homework & do u think we should shut the past out? and arrr the neighbour = ok day gone bad

Hi all, well i'm slowly getting round to doing my cbt homework for wednesday, 10 things i like about me, I've got to 3 and that was bloody hard lol x Who knew when suffering from anxiety I could find i liked myself so little. Maybe why i was always so envious at other people and wished i could be like them. But i guess 3 is better than none and i have been as genuine as i could be, It would've been so easy to fill the page with lies. Thats my first dilemma out the way. After trying with my homework i decided to go over some of my old cbt notes from previous therapist and found i had squiggled in her suggestion not to go over and over my past. She said it would make my future unlivable if my past reigned and by visiting it often it was obviously still to much a part of my life to have a future. I was merely looking for pointers to good things but hey ho, it did make me wonder though as my current therapist says in some ways i need to go back and close the doors on my past as if they remain open stuff will sneak through, Any thoughts on this? after all of this as you can imagine my head was slightly clouded so i decided on a nice bath, big mistake, don't know if it was tiredness, or what it was but i felt worse after. Really run down and as if my whole body had shut me out and i was unaware and detached. I had mini panic episode and the whole oh my heart has stopped reared its head but i ignored and away it went. Then i went on fb and the neighbour had started, I had posted earlier on there on another friends comment about stuff that goes through peoples minds and my comment was merely so much stuff i could amaze some people, this lead into a debate with my neighbour on my not knowing the genuine meaning of life (note my neighbour is the only person who brings out my non existent violent side) i told her surely it was to live and be happy and she sarkily replied that i was thick and it was 42. I tried so hard but the urge to t**t her with a frying pan was growing. I ignored her and then the posts started about people with anxiety and it being in there head and they are not ill they just want sympathy, this coming from a woman who writes on fb like its her diary and we all know every detail of her life and the whopping lies she tells to make herself sound good, which people tend to buy. Long story straight i was civil and told her the meaning of life was living because if that was not the reason we would all be dead and then there would be no reason for life :) but then it ended my otherwise ok day with me and my tears as i felt down again x rant over thank you listening xxx Donver

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  • I've always had issues with neighbours! My husband said something similar to me about me having anxiety it's not real and I'm just after attention!!! Don't cry it's your neighbour that has the issues and they don't understand at all.

    I like the idea of being able to shut doors on your past. I would love to be able to do that to my past as I'm sure this is why I'm like I am!

    Well done for thinking of 3 things you like about yourself, that's enough

    Take care :)

  • ty winter, my neighbour is the pits, i have tried so many times to be nice but sometimes u gotta accept there are people in life you just don't like x My husband is very good and supportive but he has his days of thinking i'm never going to get better and this upsets me as i feel i am letting him and my kids down. He has put his foot in it a few times and said the wrong thing but i try to take it with a pinch of salt. I am more convinced than ever my past is why i am like i am, i never learnt how to deal with the problems i had back then and thats why to me they keep coming back up. If i could close each door i would maybe feel that little better with each one. Ty for you comments it all helps xx and 3 may have to do

    :) xx

  • I am having CBT but still not sure if its working, perhaps I am beyond hope. I agree with all that she says but it is putting it into practice. Hope you get something out of yours

  • Hi holly x i have been having cbt for a while but this is my new intense cbt with a cbt therapist/psychologist who backs up the past issues the first one i had was 4 weeks of phone calls,and then 4 weeks of visits to my home by a cbt therapist but she only did module work, so far of the intense i'm on one out of 16, after the 16 weeks i can continue going but at a group so al is good for future plans. I still feel at times that it is not working but then i think if we let ourselves be convinced it is,not working it will feel that way. i don't think any of us are beyond hope, we will all get there one day x

  • Donver

    Well done finding 3 things , I do think when we suffer with anxiety we really do struggle in looking for any positives about ourselves & I couldnt have managed one , so you have done well :)

    To be honest for me , I need to go into my past & make sure the doors are shut behind , to move forward , as the past rears its head for me & stops me moving on & thats what I no I need

    Oh FB , well , I dont let many on mine & certainly wouldnt let a neighbour

    Dont let her upset you though , sounds like that what she wants

    Maybe think what you put on there because of people like her or delete her :D , or keep your conversations private with your friends as she sounds a right bleep bleep

    We no it's not true , she sounds like a small minded person & not worth your time & certainly not your tears

    Hope you feel a bit better now :)

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • ty why why, ty x them 3 things felt like i was finding diamonds in a mine lol x hard to get but once i had them wow the shine :) I can see many positive in people as I think you once said before but not in myself, but then i learnt that one of my positives was having the patience to help others when i was so down myself, which i think you have in abundance. As i have already said my past is a big fail zone, there where lots of times i should of had some help and support but i had no where to turn as i was maybe to young or to frightened to ask. i don't actually add many people on fb as i don't see the point why do i need to know the ins and outs of daily grind when mine is hard enough. I must admit i have been very naughty, as my neighbour is my clone and likes to do what others do, i told her i was moving, told her my name was down next house i was gone, she lectured me on taking my kids away (yes she also has 2 kids the exact same age as mine ) and how i would spoil there future and i said i was saving them from growing up around negative people. So you can probably imagine where i am going with this, she is moving adamant she is off and soon. Maybe i am mean but if she goes I ain't lol x x ty for listening xx

  • I can see a lot of similarities in what you say , but it is our time now & we will get there

    I love the way you said trying to find diamonds , but how the shine , I bet they do , that was beautifully put :)

    Great about the neighbour , lets hope she goes soon :-/

    xxx

  • thanks again x one day we will all get where we need to go x i like diamonds i think i was a magpie in a former life as i love things that glitter and shine i'm at my happiest surrounded by lights flickering in many colours x x fingers for the neighbour x

  • :D

    xxx

  • Sounds to me the first thing you should do is delete & block yr neighbour from facebook!!!!! its meant to be fun! not to go on there with false 'friends' who end u up in tears! who cares what she'll think or say, stuff her :)

  • ty ladysha x i don't know it its just anxiety but i always end up feeling sorry for her still bigger fish to fry x

  • Hi again

    Your post reminded me vey much of what my counsellor said when I had ptsd. She told me the ideal was to have my memories in a box. A box that I could open if I wanted, look at the memories, but close when I'd had enough. I have the key to the box.

    Ugh, & please don't start me on neighbours, it's an aggravation that you really don't need. Remember, if these people aren't important to you then neither are their opinions .

    Take care

    x

  • thanks again thomson x i like to think one day i can shut my past to the bad and have the good memories from it only x sometimes its nice to look back but its like leaving with a bloody virus x as is leaving next door to what i do lol x tbh if the lies and the bragging and the im better attitude stopped i could see us being friends, some leopards don't change though xx

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