anxeity and annoying neighbours :)

phew first thing is first i can breathe she has gone away :) no not my anxeity she is still being the biggest pain in the bum going but my neighbour :) a whole 7 days without her. I suffer from agrophobia so this is the first time in ages I have managed to escape her :) and the relief is fantastic its almost like losing anxiety :) Let me fill you in my neighbour or gloria as i like to call her (names changed lol) is around my age with a hubby and 2 small kids the same age as my two. She moved into her house a few month before i did mine with my hubby, and instant thoughts where great a friend for us happy days . Sadly 8 years later I wanna hit her with my frying pan. She just annoys me so much !! She is sadly a typical big headed know it all. When my kids got genuinly ill hers to where ill and so much worse than mine. Not the case. Whatever i buy to wear or decorate my home she has to get to. Your building up a picture ? now times it by like 100 she can get a lot worse . So I avoid her as and when I can, trouble is i dont want to fall out with her this I cannot understand, i must be nuts ! But her kids are in my kids school class and I dont want them to suffer and be in a situation where there mams act more like kids than them. heck I just dont want the trouble Id rather be nice to people its just who I am. one of my flaws in this case. The thing is latley since she has know I have been suffering from anexity which I try not to hide from people she is more in my face telling me of her depression and this n that, now Im not saying she is lying but to be honest Ive heard that much crap from her I dont belive anything she says anymore. More so when her lies at times are that blantant you catch her out with her stories changing from one person to another. Now what I wanted to ask my question is Why doz she annoy me by simply living ? When I tell myself to ignore her etc I feel a compulsion to know what she is up to ? Almost like I need to premed her next strike and its annoying me so much I get wound up by her simply breathing. have any of you got people like this in your life? I also know a huge secret about her hubby I could use to bring her right down but again Im not into destroying lives never have been. Should I just disown her? x thanks for listening x

18 Replies

  • Hiya :)

    Yes have met a few people like this in my life..shame shes a neighbour....I can only speak for myself, but I tend to give people like this a wide birth as I just find they make me personally feel worse...I would be polite but keep my distance, difficult I know especially when she's a neighbour...

    I'm the sort of person that doesn't like liars so. I don't like to be around them, my own personal preference....I think because of my anxieties they make me feel worse...can understand how you feel...

    I'm sure others on the site will have similar experiences be interesting to see how others cope with them...we don't like making life hard because we find things hard enough at times...

    I wish you well I doubt we are the only ones that feel the same :)

    Sue xx

  • Thanks sue, I think in a way reading what i wrote back I can see she is a negative issue, and maybe my best bet is to remain cival neighbours and no more x thanks for your reply x donver x

  • I no this must be a difficult situation , but i am a lot like Sue

    I would be polite & leave her with it

    My neighbours over the years & I have had all kinds , but i take the approach to be polite & leave it at that

    Neighbour next door , if i see her I say hello & get on with what I am doing

    The other day she cut the cable to her lawn mower , knocked & asked for my hubby , who wasn't in & I just politely said when he comes in , I am sure he will look at it & if he can help he will

    He did & fixed it , but we may not speak to her again for months

    I think its best to have your friends not living next door

    I would just cool it a little if it was me

    As for telling lies , i hate that , but when people slip up , i do just casually say , o sorry I may have got it wrong , but i am sure that's not what you said last time , they may deny it , but I think well at least you no I am not stupid ;-)

    You have to live nxt door to her so the last thing your anxiety needs is a fall out but I would stop telling her to much about me & what i was doing & so on & slowly , I would gradually keep saying i was busy

    And if my kids were ill & she said hers were or had it worse , i would be so tempted to say , well I thought they would have :-D but maybe that's not a good idea :-D

    i hope you can pull away from her a little , for you & your anxiety as I can see how this could cause you stress

    let us no how you go on




  • Thanks whywhy x she has been gone 2 days and the relief is brillaint I even left the house to go further than my garden ok litterally a few meters but it was progress all because she isnt home watching me. I am literally answering my own questions arent i, she is no good for me and certainlly not a friend. As you say she is a neighbour and no more. I will be cival as this is who I am. I have bitten my toungue on few occassion but maybe one day if she carries on I will let go off all my rage n tell her to bog off nicely haha :) x thanks xx donver x

  • I agree just ignore her or feel sorry for her. She sounds very insecure if she has to keep boasting and trying to keep up with you. Its a toxic relationship and best avoided. Is it because you are lonely that you talk to her?

    Bev xx

  • hi bev x thanks for your reply, I dont feel lonley i actually feel sorry for her as she is the one without freinds but then who can blame people as you say she isnt nice. Im beginning to think everyone is right and she is better avoided if I dont know whats she is doing i cannot be upset x Thanks x

  • Sounds just like my sister,it could be

    Just be civil and nice to her,but keep your distance,you have to live beside her,treat her for what she is a neighbour with whom you don't want to be over friendly with but can get on with.

  • Hi lindalou, i think she is more eveyones worst nightmare lol. Thanks foryour reply x

  • Some people always have to try to upstage others by pretending that their problems are worse than yours, or if anything good happens to them, it has to be better than anything youv`e had. These people have such empty lives that they have to live them through others. I`d refuse to have anything to do with her if I were you, she seems a bit sad to me.

  • Thanks hairy x i never really looked on it like that, I suppose compared to her I am just a equal and if she chooses to see me as less or more thats her problem i have my own. Thanks again x donver x

  • Lol you made me laugh, which I needed. I have been in the same situation before and it's frustrating. what I did with my know it all neighbour was introduce her to my friend lol my imaginary one, said we were busy but next time she (my neighbour) could join us for coffee. best ever you should have seen her face, she avoided me since that day x

  • Thanks whatnext x glad i could make you giggle its a good thing coming from abad thing so it makes it worthwhile lol x I would of loved to have seen your neighbours face when you said that to her :) its a very clever if not sarcastic way of telling somene you would rather be alone than out up with there likes but to the point :) x i have decided whens he comes back to just tell her in no uncertain ways i have enjoyed my gloria free time and intend to continue. Failing that i may tell her im dying my hair pink and she how she looks when she copies hehe x

  • Well Donver, this is my first blog on this website but I know what I would do in this situation, I think. Take it to mediation is the short answer. If your concerns are making your life unbearable then the time for empathetic understanding is at hand. Enter the mediaton service. Usually a voluntary organisation sponsored or funded by donation or charitable trust, local government assisted etc etc. Basically free and the person or persons are approachable and understanding without being patronising or seemingly over sympathetic to one side or another in the problem. Whats more, in most cases they will often visit you in your home prior to arranging a meeting with your neighbour. They are trained and self motivated people with a genuine reason for wanting to help people usually un paid and give their time freely.

    Phone call to your local Citizens advice explain your predicament then ask for any mediation groups and then give them a call. May help you to ease the symtoms of agrophobia too.

    Really hope this helps


  • hi max and welcome :) x Ive never thought of mediation to be honest, but then again anything involving strange people is not my thing. I only feel comfortable around people i know really well or people online as they cannot see me to judge me. I have decided to just let it be, fate is not in our hands but friendships are and this is one person i do not need as afriend :) x thanks for your reply Donver x

  • Thanks for the welcome and sorry couldn't have been more help to you. Ta for the opportunity to try. I have a second assessment tomorrow this time for possible OCD perhaps I should say probable as I have gained several groups of items sometimes up to 350+ each. Hopefully they will have the results from the CBT assessment and we can arrange a course of appointments to treat it. I am really keen to learn how to cope with everyday situations but more importantly how to deal with impatient managers who just push, push and then push some more. I work in a stressful environment and feel like I have been kicked in the guts and been left to deal with it on my own with no support whatsoever. Today has been positive though as I have spent some time with our two dogs, cut the branches from two of our trees and filled in some forms as well. As a result I am feeling more confident about tomorrows meeting. The process seems a little slow at times but I understand the time constraints involved.

    Perhaps I should be seeking a mentor to help bounce a few ideas off and help me to understand what is happening in assessments and CBT appointments. Maybe you could help ? Or perhaps just ask the questions on this forum and see where it goes ?

    Thanks for reading Donver


  • Hi again max, dont worry all response is help:) sometimes knowing other feel and act the same is comforting, I know the feelings i have are,nt just me losing my marbles (i hope). Its always a good opportunity on this website to get across you message or just gen rant if it makes you feel better and your not really hurting people go for it :) Good luck with your ocd ass, hopefully you may get some answers. I have just begun cbt, but at the moment its weekly assesments and phone consultations. Its a lot of info to take in about the whole anxiety issue but if it makes me better Im up for it. Hopefully when the actual therapy part begins I can move forward with my life:) I can totally relate to feeling pressure from others who dont support you and at times life is one big kick in the guts Ive never found myself confident enough to be in a postion to deal with people like this i guess thats how i ended up where I am by bottling it up and giving in. But as you said today has been a postitive day and maybe this should tell you by letting go of your frustration and doing what you enjoy other things in life dont seem as bad. Maybe you feel frustrated by impatient people because you would rather these things be over and done with and the longer they carry on the more flustered you become. Try to just relax and take it as it comes. The more you allow yourself to become wound up the worse the situation will become every time. I think if you would like to continue to seek answers to things you should maybe try to blog everyday on here on randomly ask the questions :) As i said as much as i will be here to help anyone i can, and i will always listen and give my point of view there are situations where maybe others are more equipt maybe having dealt with these problems themselves x good luck x donver

  • hiya, people like this are good entertainment value if nothing else lol, my friend years ago was like this. my daughter got chicken pox, so did her son, but his, of course was much worse lol. i ended up telling her my daughters was a rare form of leprosy, she didnt know what leprosy was and i dont know how i kept a straight face, but she came back with the same thing lol xxx it can be ammusing to be friends with the village idiot xxx

  • thanks cookster x she is pretty amusing at times with her canned crap. Love what you did to ur x friend :) revenge is good at times lol x

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