hello, I need some advice.
I am 25 and I have various health problems and GAD and I think I have developed really bad OCD over the past year particularly but on and off my whole life when I think about it. I keep having obsessive thoughts, last for weeks sometimes, can't sleep, can't eat, can't go outside, want to kill myself.
Sometimes it starts because I fear I will harm someone because I randomly imagined doing so, sometimes its because I imagine harm coming to me, sometimes its because I suddenly start thinking about something bad that happened to me in the past (e/g a friend was mean to me) and then I feel as if I am experiencing it as it it was happening at the time if not worse. Sometimes its because someone gave me a funny look or said something rude to me and I can't stop thinking about it for days, etc etc. Sometimes I think about something that has never happened but I fear it will (e.g someone will find out I am on benefits and murder me)
I am too scared to get help, I don't want to go to my gp, I am worried tablets would make me worse/ give me other things. I worry that CBT would be too upsetting. I worry that a councillor on discovering what I think about would refer me to the authorities. I worry that they will do some sort of aversion therapy type thing and abandon me in the middle of the shops alone.....
I don't know what to do. I can't go outside any-more, if I do people target me and say mean things, I can't eat in-case the food is infected, I can't sleep because I am scared of my bedroom, I cant tell anyone in-case they think I am crazy... the list goes on.