I am 25 and I have various health problems and GAD and I think I have developed really bad OCD over the past year particularly but on and off my whole life when I think about it. I keep having obsessive thoughts, last for weeks sometimes, can't sleep, can't eat, can't go outside, want to kill myself.
Sometimes it starts because I fear I will harm someone because I randomly imagined doing so, sometimes its because I imagine harm coming to me, sometimes its because I suddenly start thinking about something bad that happened to me in the past (e/g a friend was mean to me) and then I feel as if I am experiencing it as it it was happening at the time if not worse. Sometimes its because someone gave me a funny look or said something rude to me and I can't stop thinking about it for days, etc etc. Sometimes I think about something that has never happened but I fear it will (e.g someone will find out I am on benefits and murder me)
I am too scared to get help, I don't want to go to my gp, I am worried tablets would make me worse/ give me other things. I worry that CBT would be too upsetting. I worry that a councillor on discovering what I think about would refer me to the authorities. I worry that they will do some sort of aversion therapy type thing and abandon me in the middle of the shops alone.....
I don't know what to do. I can't go outside any-more, if I do people target me and say mean things, I can't eat in-case the food is infected, I can't sleep because I am scared of my bedroom, I cant tell anyone in-case they think I am crazy... the list goes on.
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Symphony
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Hi and sorry to hear you are feeling so worried and going through a difficult situation. Although it can be difficult at times like this it is really important you talk to someone and you have made a good start by coming here and sharing your concerns with our community.
You are doing the right thing in discussing how you are feeling as we know it is helpful to talk about problems. It’s important to know that help is available and that you can start to feel better and improve given the right support.
It is a good idea to talk through the way you are feeling with a friend or family member if you can.
It is also worth considering making an appointment with your GP. We find that talking through things with a counsellor or therapist can help you explore how you are feeling and help you make positive choices that will benefit you.
You may find it helpful to contact Anxiety UK’s helpline, the details are below.
We are the leading charity for anxiety disorders and all out therapist are experts in the field. You can access to reduced cost therapy to help you in the long term.
Asking for help is scary and takes courage. It took me a long time to admit I could no longer go it alone and to discuss my issues the GP (years!). I was fed up and tired with living the way I had been and I got to the point recently where I wanted to make some changes.
I am really glad I went because it took a weight off my shoulders and made me feel better just by going. Nobody laughed and nobody made me feel stupid. The GP asked how I felt about taking tablets and I said I would consider it but only as a last resort. This was accepted without argument. I agreed to be put on the waiting list for a proper assessment which took about eight weeks to come through. Again I found this a positive experience although I was very nervous beforehand. I am now waiting for further treatment/support.
I had some counselling earlier this year and to be honest I found this to be one of the most useful things I have done so far. I was lucky - it was arranged through my then workplace so I didn't have to wait a long time to see a counsellor. Again it took a lot of courage to go there. I felt a bit embarrassed and stupid at first. Oh boy! I cried my eyes up during the sessions at times. It was what I needed to do though and gave me some relief from the way I was feeling.
I promise you that what you are imagining is far worse than the reality. If you can't face contacting the GP by yourself (probably the best avenue to go down first), have you got anyone else you could make the appointment for you? And maybe go there with you?
In some circumstances GPs will do home visits - worth remembering if you really are struggling to leave the house. If the receptionist gets arsey about arranging this, reminding them that they have a "duty of care" to look after you often works wonders (this phrase pushes their buttons). GPs can and will do home visits for mental health reasons if your need is sufficient.
For a while I scoured my local library books on anxiety and depression. I understand one book is particularly popular - they have 35 copies in my borough! It is called "feel the fear and do it anyway" and is written by Susan Jeffers. If you truly cannot face going to the GP at the moment maybe reading would be an alternative place to start.
As my fellow loggers have said. It is definitely the best option to discuss this with your GP. It took me many years to admit I had an issue that I could not deal with alone. I plucked up the courage and now doing something about it. Besides, please do not suffer in silence otherwise it will get the better of you.
It is nothing to be ashamed of at all. Even if you have to print this blog off and take it with you and show the GP do that if your not able to verbally express yourself.
I do strongly urge you to seek medical professional help
Please let us know how you get on.
xxx
Hi Symphony,
Get to the doctors or phone them and ask to talk with one. Honest, you wont get locked up, it cost £4000 a week, they wont spend that on you lol
Get the therapy, it gets easier, and you will get a life again.
I'm going through the same thing but I have different obsessive thoughts. These thoughts makes me want to kill myself and I was so close from doing that. The thoughts were coming on so hard that I took a kitchen knife and tried to cut my hand off but I didn't go deep enough so it only cut my wrist. Since then I've been ok but now the thoughts has came back and I'm driving myself nuts again and it's getting to the point were idk what to do anymore. I went online and looked online and it really scared me and made think I'm a disgusting horrible person. I just want to be my old self again. These thoughts just came out of nowhere. Like I'm serious I was laughing with my family and I just glanced at my nephew and the thoughts came and I had a massive panic attack. It was the worst one I ever had. It was so bad.
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