It never seems to get better

[kheath]

I am 41 male and for most of my life I have had or suffered from anxiety, at this moment in time I am under a great deal of anxiety, I am alone which does not help, and at present am suffering from gods knows what, I have had IBS type symptoms for over a week now, ranging I cannot eat or drink a thing without rushing to the loo a couple of hours later to have a poo, sorry for being unpleasant but that is the situation at present. Also whether through not eating I have become very depressed, all I can think of is I don't want to die from these symptoms of fear and compulsive thinking about something that I hope is not that serious. I have taken my medication, 1mg of Ativan, my blood pressure medicine and I have got some busopan 10mg which I though might help, and seems to have done nothing. I so worried about this loose bowel thing, as you can imagine I keep thinking I have bowel or colon cancer. I have an appointment at my GP on Tuesday and all I can think of is that they will send me for tests and find that I am dying from something. I recently had a load of blood work done, and that all came back clear. I don't know whether this is related to my anxiety or I am falling foul of my symptoms making my anxiety worse. I really don't know. I think that it helps sometimes to just get out of your head all the strange and worry type thinking, I am hoping that by doing this I will lessen the feeling of despair. It would be nice to hear from anyone over this weekend as I know it is going to be a long one full of this lurching from fear and worry.

[formidible]

Hi Kheath. It sounds that you are having a lot of negative thoughts around your anxiety and possible depression. This is normal when you are at your worse. No, you are definitely not going to die. I always think that its like having a small voice in your head that tells you these thoughts and then of course they immediately have a chain effect and you react way beyond a normal response. But you have to keep telling yourself that its the anxiety talking - the illness. Its not YOU. Try and think of something pleasant and concentrate on that for as long as you can. If you have a hobby or enjoy reading or listening to music then try to do that more often. Also breathing exercises are a good help. I hope you know that the Ativan you are taking is highly addictive? Who is prescribing those for you? As far as the IBS is concerned this is likely to be linked to the anxiety.This will improve when your mental health improves, but it does take time. So you don't need to worry unduly about it. Always try to be as positive as you can and do all the right things and in the end things will improve.

[kheath in reply to formidible]

Thank you for getting back to me so quickly it is nice to know that there are people out there like yourself. In answer to your question, I was put on Lorazepam when I was 13 years old after 3 years of suffering from panic disorder. I have never really been taken off it, I have also been treated with various medications, SSRI, anti psychotics etc. I have a CBT, psycho therapy, etc. I even hold a degree in behavioral psychology which means I know why I am the way I am but it makes it no easier for me to feel better. I have fully understand the ramifications of the ativan but it has allowed me to live a fairly normal existence apart from times like now!

[seyi]

Hi Kheath

Sorry to hear your having a bad day but glad you posted on here how you are feeling and people here do understanding and can give you some reassuring advice.

Anxiety and panic can play havoc with the loo department also some medication can keep making you run to the loo.

I say this because the medication i am taking has this affect on me. Its surprising how the mind is a powerful tool and can trick us into thinking something is seriously wrong.

If you have had blood tests done and they are clear try to relax and tell yourself everything is going to be fine. But please make sure you eat and drink its important.

I can only imagine what it is like living on your own thank goodness i have a husband and good children who i bore to death about my problems but i feel the more people who i talk with and understand the better i am able to cope.

This site is like a family so keep posting and talking it will help you.

Talk soon

Take care

Love Seyi xxx

[kheath]

Thanks Seyi those are kind words, I have had this friend for over 35 years of my 41 years of my life. my first memory is actually of separation anxiety, classic only child and parents who spoilt me, so we are talking text book. I have undergone so much therapy over the years for this almost curved view on life it is sometimes hard to actually think what is real and what is just as you say the power of my mind. I was told many years ago, that I was badly wired, hence my issues, and then three years ago was told quite bluntly that I had chronic clinical anxiety disorder with associative depression. Ironically the happiest day of my life, my health anxiety is an extension of my own personal low self confidence issues, I know all of this yet still I find posting on here after reading this forum for many many months. I tried SSRI a few years ago as method of the new GP at the time's thinking that it might be a better suit for my problems other than the classic benzo's. But I experienced much what I am now which is toilet problems, maybe the SSRI where not to blame and it was actually what I hope to be some type of IBS or some such. I hope you find some peace with your issues and that you are lucky to have the support of a great family.

[seyi]

Hiya Kheath

I am reading your blog now and trying to digest the long term anxiety you have been enduring and i can sympathize how difficult it must be for you.

Many people struggle with having little confidence and have a low self esteem which in turn makes the situation difficult. This sometimes can affect your well being and how you see yourself.

Do you belong to any clubs? Do you read? have a hobby? sometimes this can help to make new friends and feel more confident especially if its something you enjoy and can contribute with conversation.

I recall working with a young child who was falling behind not learning or joining in any activities this seriously worried me. I had to gain his trust before he was able to demonstrate how capable he was he just did not believe it himself. Over two years now i see the difference and would never say it was the same person so there is hope.

As for the loo try and not put so much importance on this as it will cause more panic and anxiety its like a vicious circle. The more you worry the more likely it will cause problems. Know its easy but try to dismiss the thoughts look at your diet change it a little if you have to.

I know i am lucky having support and a good family but trust me the more you talk about your problems let people understand what your experiencing the better it will make you feel.

I use to think i was an isolated case until i joined this group who are like family. Its amazing what support and encouragement you get from people walking down the same road as yourself.

I pray you feel a little better and may you have some peace of mind.

Keep blogging would love to know how your getting on.

Take care

Love Seyi xxx

[kheath]

I went to see the Dr this week after an awful end of the week last week, I discussed at length my issues, I now know that looking back on the week I had, that the rational thing is that I have been suffering from depression as well as my normal anxiety. I explained that SSRI give me bad gas and upset stomach, resulting in making the whole thing worse. She said that I probably do have IBS so she gave me some Mebeverine and she and I agreed that I need something to lift my moods, so ended up on Amitriptyline, I am willing to give this a try as I can appreciate that my physical symptoms are more a reflection of my inner ongoing turmoil. Lets see how things pan out