Too anxious to get help about being anxious (the irony ik)

[spidersfrommars]

ok first of all this is my first post on here so I don't really have a clue what I'm doing, but recently I've just constantly been on edge all the time, it's like my mind just won't shut up and I can't relax at all! I constantly go over my own insecurities and stupid little regrets in my mind and I can't focus or sleep.

I'm constantly in fear that others will negatively judge me, and although I am aware that it is impossible to please everyone, and not everyone will like me anyway, I still get anxious every morning deciding what to wear in case people judge me for my choice of top. I try to stay quiet most of the time so no one can judge me or hold me accountable for anything I say, I cross the street when I see people my own age walking towards me as it's intimidating, I once saw my coat that I left in the classroom full of my classmates, but left it there because I would rather have walked home in the freezing cold as opposed to the idea of knocking on the door and walking in front of a small group of people. Phone calls terrify me, and if I'm asked to say or do something in class or something triggers me I can't focus on anything because all I can hear is the fast pounding of my heart in my head and my face going red and my hands trembling, my chest feels dead tight and I feel like I can't breathe and need my inhaler so then the only option I see is to then bail out of whatever situation I'm in that triggered it.

Am I actually going insane?? I feel like maybe I'm over exaggerating about this entire thing and maybe I just need to get over it and shut up as most people probably feel the same way? Or is this not normal and if so how the hell do people get help for this type of thing because its getting harder each month to deal with it and idrk what to do about it anymore.

[EmbraceMyweirdness]

I was exactly the same way, i was shy and really self conscious about everything, do you have siblings like sisters or cousins? I have 2 sisters that helped me

[spidersfrommars in reply to EmbraceMyweirdness]

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment - especially when you have so much going on yourself it really means so much I thought I was the only one who felt this way. Unfortunately no, I only have a few friends that really understand both MH issues and how I feel. And therapy is really expensive so the only thing I have to work with is coping mechanisms which usually don't really work ://

If you don't mind me asking - have you found anything that helps you be a little less anxious?

[coiledrose]

As I read this I thought to myself that I could have wrote this. I experience everything you describe here on a daily basis because of my anxiety. I had a really good 2 years where I actually felt “normal” with the help of an amazing doctor and the right medications. Currently I am struggling again and trying to start over and it’s hard. You aren’t alone, it’s takes a lot of work but it can and will get better with the right help and support.

[spidersfrommars in reply to coiledrose]

Honestly, I almost cried reading this I really did think I was completely alone in this and that I was just being a stupid teenager and overthinking. Although my fear is that a doctor will think or even tell me exactly the same thing. I'm so so sorry your experience is similar to mine - I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I feel like a fraud for labelling with myself anything close to anxiety because I haven't had a formal diagnosis, but a lot of my friends are convinced I have it too. I'm so sorry you're struggling again - I know the feeling. And if there's anyway to message people on here privately I'm here for you if you ever need to talk to someone!! You aren't alone either!

[masteringmyself]

Aw man I used to struggle with this

It’s one of those paradoxical anxiety things where you know you want to get help for something but what you want to get help with is causing you to not seek it. Understandable and I’ve been in that same place before..

Just try and find a passion something that you’re really good at or always wanted to do

When you dwell into your creative side you subconsciously tend to just naturally not give a sh*t what anyone would think about you. I hope you do feel better. Definitely look into exploring your creative mind a bit more and it will open many paths for you

[spidersfrommars in reply to masteringmyself]

Thank you so so much for taking the time to reply it honestly means so much I thought I was completely alone in this. If you don't mind me asking, how did you build up the courage to seek help about it? I'm currently doing my grade 7 piano so I'm trying to focus more on the music than my anxious thoughts haha, I hope you have found a passion you enjoy that helps you switch off for a while. I hope you are okay too!!

[designguy]

Hello Spiders, first of all it's quite common to experience anxiety about posting here for the first time, good for you for doing it. Based on your comments it sounds like you have social anxiety disorder. It is very common, highly treatable and you can recover from it. The best way is to find a therapist or center that specializes in treating it to teach you the skills and understanding to recover from it. If there isn't a therapist who specializes in it available in your area there are some good online programs available.

I spent years misdiagnosed with general anxiety disorder without making any progress. It wasn't until i realized I actually had social anxiety disorder that I was able to start recovering.

[spidersfrommars in reply to designguy]

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear you have been through something similar I really do hope you're okay or at least coping as best as you can! Thank you so much honestly I thought I was going mad so it's nice to hear that people at least understand. My issue is that the last thing I want to do is involve my parents, and I don't think I'm considered "severe" enough to receive any type of therapy on the NHS, and would therefore have to spend so much money just trying to get my head straight. Would you recommend any online sites?

Sorry to ask you so many questions also, but how do you think could a doctor help me with social anxiety? (sorry that last sentence sounds really sarcastic I am genuinely asking haha) I'm so scared they will turn around and just give me a leaflet with a phone number or tell me its just all in my head and I'm overthinking.

[designguy in reply to spidersfrommars]

Hi Spiders, no problem with answering any of your questions, i'm glad to help out. I appreciate your concern but I no longer suffer with social anxiety disorder. The program I used is from the socialanxietyinstitute.org and there is another that looked good from overcomingsocialanxiety.com. There wasn't at the time, a therapist in my area that specialized in treating social anxiety is why i used the program, now there are specialists in some areas, at least in the States where I live. Social anxiety is learned maladaptive thinking and behavior which is best treated by a therapist who understands it and specifically treats it. Usually group therapy is part of their program. The other thing to understand is that low self-esteem is a common component of social anxiety disorder. I went for years not realizing, knowing or thinking I deserved to get help. For whatever reason(s) you learned to devalue your own needs and wants which is why you are reluctant to talk with your parents, get help, etc... Understand that this is also contributing to your anxiety. Asking for and getting help, learning why and how you developed it and the new skills and thinking to adapt are the keys for recovery. let me know if any questions

[guynfl2chat]

I fully understand. I didnt even discuss my GAD with my doctor until 3 years ago when it was out of control. I have been going to the same doctors office for over 20 years and I didnt even mention anxiety!! Its important to get help and to really admit that you have a condition. This is NOT a bad thing. We go to the doctor for a heart problem.. we go for a broken leg.. sometimes we need to face up and go to a doctor for mental health. Its important to find the right "team" to help you with you treatment. I had at one time.. a nutritionist, psychologist and my general doctor all on the same page.. i really didnt keep that up.... I wish you luck on your journey! Its ok to have anxiety... you just need to accept it and find the right help. If your doctor doesnt feel supportive (sometimes I dont think mine is either) find another doctor!

[spidersfrommars in reply to guynfl2chat]

Hi, thank you so so much for taking time out of your busy life to reply to something as small as this! It really means so much I really did think I was alone in this! I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this and go through so many measures of help! I'm sorry to sound intrusive and you don't have to answer, but how did you initially build up the courage to seek help? I'm desperate not to get my parents involved because I know they would blame themselves ad my biggest fear is that I'll go to the doctors and they'll just pass me some phone number to call and tell me its all in my head and that I'm just being a melodramatic teenager.

[redcanyon]

Hi there spidersfrommars.. I started my social phobia at about 13... I have lived with it for many many years because I was embarrassed to admit to anyone let alone my myself that I was struggling! This has been a huge mistake, I have wasted many years because I get nervous talking to groups, eating in front of people, always going bright red,etc. Etc. Etc..... I have actually made an appointment to see my doctor this week to finally discuss it!!

Please seek help, you have a whole life ahead of you to discover, and people out there really do care and understand.

Good luck spiderfrommars.x

[spidersfrommars in reply to redcanyon]

Thank you for taking the time to reply honestly it means so so much I could cry I thought I was completely alone in this!! I'm so so sorry you have dealt with this for so long I know that it's far from fun and I honestly wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! Sorry to sound intrusive or personal, but do you find that going to the doctors helped with anything?x

[redcanyon]

Hi there spidersfrommars, I am a newbie here, and I've had some really helpful advice from others, in fact that is why I have made my first initial appointment to see a doctor on Thursday!!!! I am anxious already, because it means revealing all my weaknesses... I'll let you know how I get on.. I have used a succession of coping mechanisms, Reiki, tigers eye stones, deep breathing, aromatherapy, hypnosis, !!!! I sound like a right hippy!!!! So now I may need medication, see what the doctor thinks...

Anyway spidersfrommars, don't feel isolated, reading this forum makes one realise how many people suffer this very real plight.

Take care... X

[maff39]

spidersfrommars - I'm new here and you've just written pretty much the exact post I was going to write. I have crippling social anxiety that stops me doing so much, in my career, my family life, my social life, my relationship etc. I've spent years trying to work out for myself what the issue is, but only recently became aware of what social anxiety is and to recognise myself in the descriptions. I realise I've struggled with this for 20 years, it's holding back from getting everything I want from life, and from enjoying the things I do have. 20 years of self medication through drinking - not to the point of addiction, but certainly drinking for the wrong reasons (to face a social situation, or to relax in a social situation. If I could go back 20 years and speak to my 18 year old self I'd say "accept it, speak to someone about it, and take control of it - you might just save yourself from 20 years of mental and emotional anguish".

Except I'd probably be too anxious to go and talk to my 18 year old self :-).

[WF2k]

Yeah same here, I have tried different things for my anxiety and depression though, but none of it worked and I feel that if I go back and try again it'll be the same outcome, my CBT didn't go very well because of the therapists I had.