Hi. I've just come across this forum and really hope someone can help me. I had a nervous breakdown in April 2012. This was brought on by a few big life changes happening at the same time - the girl I loves marrying someone else, loosing my job etc. At my lowest point (around this time last year) I couldn't even leave the house. The GP put me on Citalopram which had horrible side effects and I eventually went on Sertraline which had manageable side effects. I'm a 34 year old man and live with my parents. Although they don't understand mental health issues they gave me space and support to get back to some form of normality.
My biggest problem is around going back to work. I worked for 8 years in Financial Services for a good company with lots of opportunities to grow. However, I just sat there and wasted 8 years whilst all of my friends chose career paths and progressed in their chosen fields. I started to look for work last year and became incredibly anxious and depressed. The depression came from constantly thinking about how I messed things up and I should have taken advantage of the opportunities I had, or even at least given my career path some thought. Essentially I feel like I 'fucked it all up'. The anxiety comes from the knowledge that if I manage to get a job the money will be rubbish and I'll never be in a place where I'll have the opportunity to grow. In July 2012 I had 7 sessions with an ACT (similar to CBT) therapist to try and help me overcome this hurdle but it didn't work so I wasted the rest of 2012 thinking that I needed time to recover and that I'd start looking in 2013. I even weened myself of the medication because I was feeling ok.
When 2013 came I decided to go away for a few weeks before I started looking for work again. Now I've started looking all the anxiety and depression is coming back. I only manage to sleep for a few hours each night and wake up with a jolt due to the release of Adrenalin and this leaves me feeling really on edge. When I'm in bed like that at 3 in the morning I have the most horrendous scarey thoughts. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've messed up my whole life. This is incredibly tough on my parents and my Mum keeps crying. I know I can go back to the Docs and get back on medication but the anxiety about work, any chance of a future, any chance of finding a wife and feelings of guilt are still going to be there.
I'm desperate. If there's anyone out there who has any advice please please can you help me.
PS I know there's people out there who've been through far more difficult and challenging situations but this is destroying me.