New Here, advice?

[Ghosthunter79]

I’ve had anxiety all my life since childhood. Always terrified of the what ifs and panic attacks. The last two years I’ve been unable to work. Before I’ve been a successful Manager at some top companies in my area. My parents past away within a week of each other and I had no support from work so I stepped away and have been unable to return due to constant anxiety and panic disorder. I tried a disability claim and was denied. Trying again with a lawyer. My wife is a nurse and floating us financially while subsidizing with savings. I feel so much guilt not being able to provide for my family. I’m on meds and trying everything I can to stop the cycle. I’m afraid to be around people, afraid to be alone. Afraid I’ll become sick and no one will be here to help me. I’m depressed due to the anxiety and inability to function normally. I beat myself up because I’m not able to be the husband and father I should be. Just feeling defeated and lost. There are so little resources for mental health.

[Purplepeonies]

Hi, I'm new here too due to having been suffering with panic attacks daily for the last 3 months, anxiety and depression for the last several years. I also have fibromyalgia and cannot work so I completely understand your feelings. It's so frustrating not being able to live a normal life and be the person you want to be, you feel like you're failing your family and it really drags you down. It's a horrible cycle to be in, I know.

Just try and hold on to the fact that your wife and kids love you. (And don't see you as a failure) Your wife wouldn't be helping if she didn't, and that's what marriage is - it's supporting the one you love in sickness and in health. My fiance has been my absolute rock, especially these last few months, and despite me feeling guilty, despite me breaking down every other day and not being able to do anything, he hasn't wavered, and always points out that that is what we do for eachother, and he is right. If it was the other way around, we would absolutely do everything we could to help and support them too. Sometimes you just have to lean on others, it's part of being human.

Remember this is not your fault and you're doing what you can to help yourself and need to be kind to yourself about this. If you could work, you would, but you need to rest and recuperate right now. Our health has to come first at the end of the day and there is no shame in that. You have to give yourself as much time as you need, and I am so sure your family knows that and don't hold it against you!

I don't have much advice in terms of coping strategies or overcoming all of it, as I'm struggling myself, so just sending some solidarity as it's nice to know we're not alone.

Keep doing what you're doing, just with some kindness for yourself thrown in, although I totally get it's easier said than done, but I hope you can give yourself a break. Feeling guilty will just make the anxiety worse which is counter productive. Stay strong and keep going!

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. There is a lot of support available here. I am glad you have joined us.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Hi and welcome to HU community

You have a lot of "friends" here. I've been in your shoes.

Yeah SSI will denie claims a few times because it's like their program. Also anxiety isn't seen as disability so it maybe a fight.

My condolences on your parents passing. That's incredibly difficult and stressful. Grieving is something that is going to be a part of your life. A lot people think it's something you do for a year and your just over it. And that's not true. There's no "finish line". You get better at living with it. Or you find ways to "cope" with it. Some may be good and some coping skills can be bad like avoiding it. And just bottling your emotions.

I will say there is hope. You have a support system. Your wife and kids. Also stop criticizing yourself. Criticism never helps anyone with anxiety. Need to forgive yourself for having anxiety. You didn't go and stand in line to pick up this thing. No one goes "hey let's get anxiety. I think having sweats, racing heart, crying sounds like fun" Anxiety can happen to the best of us. A string of bad circumstances or just server level of stress can break anybody. But there's a glimmer of hope. You have a loving wife and kids.

I have a book recommendation DARE: new way to end anxiety and stop panic attacks by Barry McDonagh. There's also YouTube videos and an app. That has helped me get a better understanding my anxiety. And I have used some of techniques it has helped me out personally.

Also I know panic attacks suck! Because they can be triggered by things you're afraid to nothing at all. When it comes out of nowhere, it's scary. However I will tell you this...I know it's hard but remind yourself everyday of this; you have survived all of your panic attacks. You will not die from a panic attacks. It may feel that way. But notice you're still here. We just need to find a way to cope with it. For me it's literally lying on the floor and hugging a teddy bear and listening to music. Yeah I'm shaking and crying on the floor. Then I realized it's okay. And I get up and go lie down in bed.

To quick stop a panic attack is getting ice packs on your neck and chest. Or sucking on some sour candy. It shocks the system so your brain switches gears out of that mode.

Anyways sending you love and hugs 🫂 ❤️ Hold on to hope.