New Here, advice?

[Ghosthunter79]

I’ve had anxiety all my life since childhood. Always terrified of the what ifs and panic attacks. The last two years I’ve been unable to work. Before I’ve been a successful Manager at some top companies in my area. My parents past away within a week of each other and I had no support from work so I stepped away and have been unable to return due to constant anxiety and panic disorder. I tried a disability claim and was denied. Trying again with a lawyer. My wife is a nurse and floating us financially while subsidizing with savings. I feel so much guilt not being able to provide for my family. I’m on meds and trying everything I can to stop the cycle. I’m afraid to be around people, afraid to be alone. Afraid I’ll become sick and no one will be here to help me. I’m depressed due to the anxiety and inability to function normally. I beat myself up because I’m not able to be the husband and father I should be. Just feeling defeated and lost. There are so little resources for mental health.

[Purplepeonies]

Hi, I'm new here too due to having been suffering with panic attacks daily for the last 3 months, anxiety and depression for the last several years. I also have fibromyalgia and cannot work so I completely understand your feelings. It's so frustrating not being able to live a normal life and be the person you want to be, you feel like you're failing your family and it really drags you down. It's a horrible cycle to be in, I know.

Just try and hold on to the fact that your wife and kids love you. (And don't see you as a failure) Your wife wouldn't be helping if she didn't, and that's what marriage is - it's supporting the one you love in sickness and in health. My fiance has been my absolute rock, especially these last few months, and despite me feeling guilty, despite me breaking down every other day and not being able to do anything, he hasn't wavered, and always points out that that is what we do for eachother, and he is right. If it was the other way around, we would absolutely do everything we could to help and support them too. Sometimes you just have to lean on others, it's part of being human.

Remember this is not your fault and you're doing what you can to help yourself and need to be kind to yourself about this. If you could work, you would, but you need to rest and recuperate right now. Our health has to come first at the end of the day and there is no shame in that. You have to give yourself as much time as you need, and I am so sure your family knows that and don't hold it against you!

I don't have much advice in terms of coping strategies or overcoming all of it, as I'm struggling myself, so just sending some solidarity as it's nice to know we're not alone.

Keep doing what you're doing, just with some kindness for yourself thrown in, although I totally get it's easier said than done, but I hope you can give yourself a break. Feeling guilty will just make the anxiety worse which is counter productive. Stay strong and keep going!