i can't say my health has been the best over the past few years but recently i've been way worse off than usual and it's pretty stressful. i can't tell if the things i feel are genuinely fatal or very bad anxiety/panic attacks and it all makes me very upset. every day i feel horrible and every night it gets worse and it's saddening to experience. i constantly think i'm going to die suddenly and it eats away at me quite a bit. i think of all the things i haven't been able to do and not being able to see my only friend and it only makes me spiral. i'm not even 20 yet (18) and i've been preparing for the end of my days during these last few months. i do not have access to healthcare at all and i doubt i will soon so i'm unable to be checked up to make sure there's nothing seriously wrong with me. nowadays i'm afraid to go to sleep because i'm not sure if i'll wake up. i should be strong but this kind of thing really does get to a person. i've been trying to put myself into a better mood to avoid becoming sicker due to stress and while it does work at times it's not easy.
please don't suggest a doctor, i don't have access or the funds to see anyone. i wish i did, but it's not possible right now.
Written by
bitanoken
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I empathise with you completely about confusing anxiety/panic attacks with serious health problems. I'm only 20 years old also and beat myself up over not doing what 'normal' 20 year olds should be doing which I know isn't right. It was really bad at one point and I know I'm fine but I still can't convince myself that it's all just anxiety though. But then it started getting better and now it's getting worse again.. that only means it can get better again, right?
Try to keep yourself and your mind active, that way your mind doesn't wander onto bad thoughts and you don't start over thinking them. Maybe try practicing deep breathing and meditation as well, that helps me a little. Do anything you can to stop feeling anxious which is easier said than done i know.
I feel your pain, been there, and I'm sorry you are struggling.
At 18 the likelihood that there is anything medical underneath all this is practically zero. It is probably 100% anxiety/panic and your story and how things are building and growing is extremely common.
That said, you need to see a doctor. You said not to suggest it, so feel free to stop reading and dismiss my reply If you are in the US, you can PM me and I can help you figure out where to go for free or very low cost care. A doc would decide what tests you need, but it's probably a simple blood test to eliminate the possibility of some treatable conditions that can cause secondary anxiety (ie anemia, hyper or hypothyroidism). A doc can also discuss medication with you. There are generic (low cost) SSRI's that could be very helpful. But that's putting the cart before the horse- first step is to see the doc and talk through what's going on. Doc will ask questions that will lead him/her to the right tests. Again, I want to stress that at 18 you are probably 100% healthy. But if there is something medical going on, the doc can work with you to correct it.
The resources I have on my profile are tried/true for anxiety/panic and all the manifestations. So many people on this board and across the globe find recovery with Dr. Weekes' approach- and I have some of her resources on my profile for you to check out. The other resources I have are all supportive of the same approach (because it works). Others here like the DARE books and website. I'm checking that out and will probably add it to my list since it is also the same approach, just presented in its own way. The Anxiety Guy podcasts are another resource I'll likely add. Again, same approach. looking through all these things is something I suggest because they come from different angles to the same approach, and you never know what angle will speak to you.
The approach is called "the acceptance approach". It is very difficult to accept all that is going on with you if you haven't had a doc look you in the eyes and say, "this is anxiety, I'm sure of it". That's why I'm recommending the whole doc visit thing. I'm recommending it because it's part of the recovery process. You can recover from anxiety and panic, no doubt about it, but your anxiety is holding on to this notion that there's something wrong- that you might not wake up because of some terrible, undiagnosed illness. Assurance from the doc is the first step to start letting go of that notion.
Wow! This lack of access to care is a real thing and seems so cruel. I’ve experienced it and hate that you have to experience it too. Not sure where you live or your circumstances, but I’m assuming you’re in the US due to the fact you are cut off completely from healthcare. If so, please apply for Medicaid or look for a local health center. There are options to help. I know it may seem impossible, but it isn’t. I know it feels impossible to do, but try not to be fatalistic. It is likely the stress and anxiety of not knowing. Hang in there and keep your chin up.
It is simply cruel to not allow someone access to much needed treatment when they are suffering. The feeling of knowing it’s all about money is terrible and depressing. If they knew how bad you suffer, you would think someone would have compassion to help. Please go through the motions to find something. It may literally take months to see someone, but don’t give up. Find your local mental health clinic and make an appointment to get started.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
If you are in the US, you can PM me and I can help you figure out where to go for free or very low cost care. A doc would decide what tests you need, but it's probably a simple blood test to eliminate the possibility of some treatable conditions that can cause secondary anxiety (ie anemia, hyper or hypothyroidism). A doc can also discuss medication with you. There are generic (low cost) SSRI's that could be very helpful. But that's putting the cart before the horse- first step is to see the doc and talk through what's going on. Doc will ask questions that will lead him/her to the right tests. Again, I want to stress that at 18 you are probably 100% healthy. But if there is something medical going on, the doc can work with you to correct it. 
New here and needs help
new here
New here and lost, losing control of my life as things get worse and no idea what will help 
Hello everyone, new guy here
Verbally abusive bf
