I feel like I'm tired of trying to move forward in my life and heal my trauma without much success. I've had problems with dealing with emotional regulation my entire life. My mother was never present, and continually ghosted me throughout my childhood and adulthood. It seems like anytme she was around, it was an effort to "fix me" and it seems like she is overwhelmed over our relationship and then just ghosts me. My father is emotionally distanct and has basically resigned that I'm crazy and negative and my trauma around him and other events in my life are "not that serious". I worked as a teacher for multiple years, but never seemed to fit in with my coworkers or the kids, resulting in environments where I was constantly disregarded and gossiped about. I changed careers and I'm not in a hybrid role, but coming into the office is still a struggle. I feel like I still don't fit in and when I first started I was seen as "crazy and weird" (I have overheard conversations where people have said "everyone thinks she's crazy") and when I tried to speak to my manager about feedback, it was treated as if nothing was wrong. People just don't like me, honestly, and when I am guarded or don't engage it just makes the situation worse. But I'm afraid to even have small talk because then I overhear how they don't actually want to talk to me. I live at home because I took out a lot of student debt and I can't afford rent elsewhere. Although I pay rent to my dad, he moved in his girlfriend last year and we don't get along. I vent to myself about the situation in my studio apartment downstairs, and she then talks about how "she hates me and never wants to speak to me". I don't really want to speak to her either, but it seems like my dad is either ignoring the issue or is trying to force us to speak. Everytime I speak with him about a timeline for me to move out because I feel like "everyone is uncomfortable", he just says that he cares about my well-being and I can stay as long as I need to. When I talk to friends about this, they seem nice but then I'll have arguments with them about "being the therapist friend" or I hear a joke about my family life or what I'm going through. It just feels like they think I'm just complaining. I've tried medication and therapy, but I still spiral about every month or so. I'm tired of trying. I try self help books, journaling, and meditation and they only work temporarily. I really want to find some way to release my issues in the long term, rather than feeling temporary relief and getting triggered. I've dealt with relationships and friendships ending over my "being too negative:" and being "draining". I'm not sure what to do.
Feeling Stuck : I feel like I'm tired... - Anxiety and Depre...
Feeling Stuck
I get it. You may not think anyone gets it, but know that at least one person does. Our situations are different on outside but the feelings on the inside are almost identical. What kind of crazy do you think you are? You're depressed and have anxiety, right? What do they say or see, not that it matters - but it does to us, especially when it seems like everyone thinks or says the same thing (although it shouldn't). Chat me if you want, but please reply cuz I do get it and I care.
Thank you for responding. I do have depression and anxiety, and have dealt with a lot of emotional neglect that most people don't understand, or at least why it affected me deeply. I guess I come off as emotionally dysregulated a lot of the time, and I have gotten better at it with therapy and tools I've found on my own. I do also tend to talk to myself out loud, usually when I'm alone but the walls are thin in my home.
I've had similar experiences. You're not alone. Try to ignore the gossips. They're basically creating conspiracy for their own entertainment. This retired hairdresser understands. 🥀
Hi I am wondering why so many people think you are crazy or weird? Is there anything you do which others don't which makes them think this?
You say you do have friends so have you tried asking them?
As for your dad I would say he does love you as otherwise why would he let you stay at his home, especially as he has brought his gf there which clearly causes some tension.
Have you thought it may be because he doesn't either understand or is unable to as he is too different from you?
Therapy isn't something which you try for a while and does or doesn't work. Its a place where you get different angles at looking at your issues from and the to talk these through in a safe place. And to tackle any unhealthy and destructive behaviours. But you have got to commit to it and be prepared to go through a lot of pain to get anywhere. Otherwise there is no point.
Maybe its worth trying again with it?
Thank you for responding. I do struggle with social anxiety and I'm not great with social cues. I may come off too strong when I really want to fit in or having people like me. And when I think they don't, I also tend to shut down and not open up. I also struggle with my emotions and seem more emotional that most people. Outside of that, I'm not sure. I have asked my friends and they say that I am weird, but they don't really understand or can explain why someone would call me that behind my back. Maybe they don't want to hurt my feelings. I'm aware my dad doesn't understand, which is why I haven't addressed the issue since and instead have come here to maybe get advice. However, it's also affecting me and I don't think it's wild for him to try to understand my perspective, or me in general?
I've also been in therapy for a long time, and have been with my current therapist for a least a year. I feel like I haven't made enough progress and clearly haven't processed enough of what's going on with me if the same issues keep coming up. I'm also not saying I'm giving up on. therapy, I'm just frustrated. The things that are clear to you based on this response aren't as clear. to me.
Hi
There are so many types of therapy out there. Sometimes you need to change the direction of the therapy to learn more about yourself.
Abandonment by your mother can lead these issues you are having with relationships. Do you talk about that pain in therapy?
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Hi. I'm sorry you've been struggling for so long but let me just tell you that I am weird and I'm ok with it. Just because people don't get you, it doesn't mean it's your fault.I'm a nerd. I have ADD and I'm different from most people in other ways (I've got a creative, impulsive and outspoken personality).
I know I can be annoying, but I also know that I'm a good person, and the few people who I can call friends tell me when I'm being annoying, and that's when I check myself and stop whatever I'm doing that's annoying.
I think it's a good thing to accept yourself as you are and trust the people who are close to you and tell you the truth about yourself as they experience it. Remember that everyone has an individual perspective and you have to be willing to listen without being defensive so you can learn about yourself and others.
If someone really doesn't like me, I tell myself it's not my problem and I don't need everyone's approval.
I think maybe your parents have their own issues and that maybe they cope the best they can. Your Dad may not respond to you the way you would like him to, but he obviously cares about you and wants to help in his way.
Please try to be grateful for that alone. The more things you can find to be grateful for, the less negativity you will experience.
None of us are able to do or be what others want us to do or be.
Compassion is really important. And Buddhist wisdom says we need to learn compassion and acceptance for ourselves first and then for others to be at peace within ourselves. I have made a lot of progress with just that alone.
Try to be patient with yourself, as you would be for a small child and accept that we are on a long road to get to a better place.
I hope you find a good therapist who can help you along that road and I don't know if you're on medication, but I am, and it's literally been a lifesaver for me.
Good luck on your journey and try to focus on the good stuff, even if it's just the weather, practice gratitude and I wish you the very best on being more positive and hopeful. ❤️
You are so strong to not care when someone doesn't like you. It's devastating to me, so you see I'm destroying myself about people I don't need anyway.....
same here I beat myself up for people I dont need. It takes a toll in my life.
Thank you for replying... I don't know what makes me so desperate for EVERYONE to like me - it's crazy to think that could even happen. I think, like they said, that we need to work on accepting ourselves for what we are; a tall order in my case....
Same here
Hi. I can't comment on what might be the answer as it's a trial and error often. Being the outsider doesn't have to be a bad thing. Maybe we have too much pressure to be liked or fit in.
Can you find your people? Even just one who feels like they get you and you them. We really only need a handful to start to feel calmer and safer. Do you have hobbies things you're passionate about? Maybe try doing more of those... go to a class. It's not a cure but you might meet similar people.
Only you know about you and your dad but from the outside what a gift to be living rent free in the current climate. No stress of bills and all the other things. It's not your space sure but you have safety and presumed comfort and you can use this time to really prioritise you. He sounds like he cares. I never ever had that with family so in my eyes you're winning already.
Work... could you find a remote or part time job? Again to take the pressure off needing to fit in.
These are all just ideas to help or inspire. Good luck. You are valuable and you do have things to offer yourself and the world. If you can start to really accept you for you it may create much peace. These things are usually easier said than done of course.
Hope you take comfort from how many people replied here with kindness, take care 🌷🌷
Feeling stuck and hopeless 
depressed and feeling stuck
Happy thanksgiving!!
Feeling sad and don't know why
