I just don't feel like anything is ever going to get any better for me

I don't want to try anymore. My life was bad before this pandemic happened, now it's really hellish. I stayed in bed again all day today. Mainly to avoid being around any of my family. They seem to like me better when I just don't speak, they don't like anything I have to say. I wish I lived in a different environment. My mom overheard me on my phone and I was complaining about her, in an angry voice she threatened to take me to a hospital saying I need to go into a psyche ward again. This is how my parents have treated me my whole life, they don't talk about what's going on between us, instead I'm just considered crazy and they want to abandon me and get rid of me. Everyone always leaves me eventually. I can't hold on to friendships or relationships. Or jobs. I wish I was never born. I'm too sensitive and emotional. I wish I could escape somewhere, I wish my life was so different.

[Agora1]

Hi Googoodollsfan, Never say Never...things can change on a dime. I will agree

that you are in a very difficult living position which just feeds into your anxiety and

self esteem. No one should be put down and discarded because of an illness they

had no control over. Actually, you didn't come into this world like this. Over time

you heard negativity about yourself and started to believe it. It's sad when parents

do that to their children. Their problems and issues were forced upon you until

you weren't able to trust in yourself making you feel so sensitive and emotional.

Escaping may seem like the answer but unless you are ready emotionally, it won't work.

Rather than being sent in -patient, is it possible to have out patient therapy everyday.

I believe they are usually about 6 weeks long. By being gone for most of the day under

the care of a psychiatrist and therapists, it will get you the tools you need to move forward.

You've been stuck so long that you need that professional guidance to help you take that

next step. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thanks Agora. I've already been through so much with psychiatrists and social workers, I'm tired of all of it. I was going to try to start seeing a psychologist a few weeks ago, but I feel like she wants too much money. I'm worried if I go to a psyche ward that they're going to suggest shock therapy and I feel like that's the very LAST thing I need. There are just no answers sometimes. I've been in outpatient treatment before, around where I live I don't think they have services like that anymore. I just feel like I've been there, done that. I know I'm being really negative, but I have been through so much already. Can't just keep taking it. Thank you for caring, it means a lot to me. Feels like all I will ever be in life is bipolar. I'm just this stupid label to most people.

[Hidden]

Hi. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Have you ever watched "It's a Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart? I'm sure your family cares for and loves you even though they might have a strange way of showing it. I'm sure you've thought of this before, but have you asked your family if it's true that they don't like anything you say?

Parents can be so insensitive to us growing up. I feel like I was just thrown into the adult world without the tools necessary to deal with it. (And my dad wonders why I have a hard time coping sometimes🤔).

[Hidden]

I used to wish the same thing. I found out, no matter what changes I made to my life, it wasn’t to please me. But to please others.

Others are impossible to please. You can please yourself though. You know you, don’t let others define you or shape you. Shape yourself in a way that makes you happy.

The right people that deserve and belong come shortly after

I’ve felt alone for a very long time. And they say, we are our own worst enemy. Keep your Friends close but enemies closer?

I’ve managed to be a friend with myself. I’m really cool, funny, spontaneous.

I bet you are super awesome too. You matter so much, even if external forces or things make you believe or think that you don’t. Fact is that you do. And facts don’t change, they simply are.

Much love to you and I would love to see to thrive and move up. You deserve to be happy. You owe it to yourself. We all do

🥰

[marsdream]

I am sorry to hear about your struggle. My young teen struggled with depression and anxiety, and she hit rock bottom and we took her to a counselor. She thought that we as her family didn't care. We as her parents just needed to take time to listen to her. She is doing much better but she has her days when stress hits. I let her vent, and it seems to help her get those emotions out. Giving her space seems to help her, but as a parent I try not to give her too much space, she still needs contact with people. Since you are having a hard time, try to find time to talk to your parents one on one. Let them know that you really do need help and they could help you by finding a doctor that can just sit and listen to you. Maybe you can ask your mom to just go with you. The doctor should be impartial and ask your mom to listen to you speak. Things can get better, there just needs to be doctor involved to listen.