I feel like my parents really make me sick!

And I can never get away from them, ever!!! A day ago my mom threatened me to leave the house. Now she is telling my sister she never said that, and I swear she did!!!! Then I get told I'm misinterpreting what she said. From my point of view, I feel like I'm being gaslighted and told to question my reality. I'm always being made to feel like I'm crazy. My parents use me to blame everything that's wrong with them and project that on to me. I'm 50 years old, I can't seem to hold on to any job, and I constantly feel suicidal. What kind of crazy life is this??? My parents just want to throw me into psychiatric wards and get rid of me. No one ever believes me. My mom has bipolar disorder herself and my dad is very narcisstic and cruel. But everyone will believe what my parents say over what I have to say. All that ever happens to me is I get poked with needles for blood tests for lithium levels. People just abuse me constantly. Or just ignore me a lot because everyone thinks I'm the crazy one. I constantly just wish I was dead. I get shoved around and dumped in different places all the time. And you probably don't believe me either and think I'm just a crazy person ranting away on here.

[Sunnidayz1]

I believe you. Parents can be very cruel. I have parents that whenever they get angry they turn on me too. Im the black sheep of the family. The misunderstood one. I've had to have therapy to improve my self esteem bc of the pain and hurt my parents put me through. It happens to the best of us. I can never fulfill the high expectations they place on me. Im always the bad one and the trouble maker. Both of my sisters dont talk to me bc they cant handle what I dish back. They r not insightful and dont know if they care to know how to treat me. It's always a losing battle w my sisters. One day when they both decide to open their eyes and reconcile with me I'll say no, too bad. It's sad bc my child doesnt have cousins bc they prevent all the cousins from being with each other. I could cry thinking about it. So sad and so very frustrating.

My advice to you is try to develop a thick skin. Try not to engage in their behavior. If they get mad for whatever reason walk in a different direction. Dont entertain them.

Walking away has helped me. It works not to waste time on getting all riled up.

If u want to talk more about this pm.

Thank u for sharing & take care of yourself bc you're worth it.

Sunnidayz❤💪

[Hidden in reply to Sunnidayz1]

Thank you for responding to my post. I have 2 sisters too. I spend a lot of time trying to avoid my parents, but it isn't working. I feel like they are out to get me. They will of course swear that they aren't and that they care about me or they wouldn't let me live with them. But then I get criticized constantly and if I snap back then I am being shameful and a terrible daughter. I wish I could get the hell out and at least go no contact with my dad, but my only option is to go into a group home and I know how those are crazy environments and how the owners of group homes are slumlords determined to get as many bodies in the home as possible so they can make as much money as they can off of people who hardly have any. And they don't care about who gets along or if someone is bothering someone else. I feel like I'm just going to die in my parents basement. I wish I could make something out of my life and not depend on disability, but nothing seems to work out for me. I've attended college but I never got a degree. I haven't worked in years and no one even wants to take a chance on me and hire me for anything. I feel so doomed.

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Hidden]

Im so sorry to hear all of these things that you feel about yourself. It seems like you need to start picking up pieces of your life. Theres no way out but up from here. Start with things you have control over and work from there. It's a process to make change and work to make positive change. Plus, the positive changes you make the more positive things you do the more positive things will come to you. It's a ripple effect. It works. If you change your mindset good things will happen. You just have to change. It's worth a try. Write your feelings down in a journal. It's therapeutic.

[Hidden in reply to Sunnidayz1]

Thank you, I do journaling, but if I look through what I've written in there over the past year, most of it is really negative emotions towards my family like what I wrote on here. Especially because of the coronavirus and people concerned about spreading, I just can't do much to move forward. I'm sorry you're having some issues with your family too, it's hard feeling like you're the one who doesn't fit in and no one tries to understand you. I've already been through lots of therapy in the past, what I really need to do is change some things about my life situation and it feels impossible. I escape by listening to music and watching things on YouTube. I always want to escape, and there is no escape, I spend a lot of time in bed just dreaming. I don't know how to move forward.

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Hidden]

If writing about the negative didnt cause change write about the positive. The positive will make change for you not negative. Practice gratitude. Im sure you have many great things. Do u have a roof over your head? Yes? Good. Do you have food to eat? Yes. Great. Gratitude is the best attitude. Gratitude moments actually changes your brain. When you change your brain you change your thoughts when u change your thoughts your life will change. It's all worth it. The next entry in your journal needs to be a gratitude entry. Go for it. Keep us updated.

And remember u r not alone. We all have our own lives to live with struggles. Nobody goes unscathed. Nobody.

Sunnidayz❤💪

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

❤️ ((((((((((Hug)))))))))) ❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Sunnidayz1]

Good advice.

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank u my friend❤💪🌠

[Micafe]

I believe you. That's what you are feeling, you're not making it up. You're really suffering. They just don't understand you. My mother was a good mother in many ways but many times she did things that made me feel bad, like spanking me for things I didn't do. I will never, ever, forget that. Life is not fair...

[Hidden in reply to Micafe]

I'm coping the best I can. I'm hanging out at a local coffee shop to just stay away. One of my sister's is really nice and she called me and she cares. They're both really lucky they only see my parents once in awhile, if they had to move back here like I had to, I bet they wouldn't be very happy here either!!! I've got to come up with a plan. Thanks for the support.❤️

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Hidden]

You got it Googoodollsfan! A plan. You are awesome. You got this!❤💪👍🌟🌸

[Micafe in reply to Hidden]

Yes, you do. If there's a something you can do, go for it! Your peace of mind is more important than anything. Good luck.

[Roxylox]

Indeed I do believe you! I too have bipolar and get ignored by lots of people, also people misunderstand me loads. I am lucky enough to have met a very loving and understanding husband, but lots of other relations and society here in general think I'm weird and worthless. It's an almost daily battle for me to try and build self-esteem. My heart goes out to you over your family situation. Vent any time you like. Incidentally, I would also like to do a blog.