Stuck for so long...will I ever get past this??

[horizonwatch]

Hello all,

I am in my early 40s and currently living in an area that I'm miserable in. Probably because of all the bad memories and reminders everywhere. I just want to move since I never EVER go out because I feel like it's pointless if I'm just going to move somewhere else. However when I think about moving, about 2.5 hours away or so, I just get absolutely paralyzed with fear, terror and anxiety! I just don't know what's wrong with me, and I'm so frustrated and don't know what to do. I've been agonizing over this for awhile now. I have also been experiencing a pretty intense depression as well. I put on a happy face when in public and just mostly avoid going out at all. Has anyone ever felt like this?? And I am also single and don't have kids so it's not as if that is preventing me. It's just crazy. I don't know what's wrong with me!

[Agora1]

Hi horizonwatch, there's nothing wrong with you short of anxiety stopping you

from taking that step forward out of your safety zone. When anxious, any changes

are frightening but if we stay still, paralyzed from fear, we achieve nothing in life

and only exist. Maybe you can do this in steps by spending a weekend up there

in a hotel to see how you might feel. No commitment, nothing permanent. You

don't need to be stuck forever since it's your mind and not a logical reason that

is holding you back. Small steps count. This move may help you leave the past

in the past. Good Luck xx

[horizonwatch in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much for writing this, it has encouraged me, I needed to hear this Thank you for offering options on how to go about it as well

[Oneseedatatime]

horizonwatch

You are not alone!

This is very understandable and relatable. Change is good but for the right reasons.

You know memories can breathe life or feel like they are taking your life. When we experience the latter, I have found that one of the most powerful ways I can FIGHT through the latter is to dive deep into those areas per say and create a new memory in place o the old.

I will give you an example.... I was engaged up until about 2 years ago. We were together for almost 5 years. We were together everyday. We went everywhere together, locally and abroad. When the relationship ended (even though I chose to walk away) I was crippled by a trip to the grocery store! I would see "us" in the aisles, gravitate towards the food we used to eat, and re-play our every steps. I ended up stoic while in the store and paralyzed in my car by tears and emotional pain that turned into physical pain.

Nobody knew nor would have suspected this because I put on such a good show but I was dying.

I am 42 now. I moved to this area when I was 16 and have always wanted to move away but as life would have it, I have not been able to. I really wanted to move when this occurred but God. I have taken hold of the strength that God has given me, faced all of my fears, and today am ready to move for the right reasons. I don't know what God will move so that I can but I have learned, grown, and am stronger than ever! Whatever changes occur, I am ready, and have a testimony to share that will show others that they are not alone (like you)!

Dig deep within your precious heart and muster the strength that could only surface after such events to face these giants and come out stronger than ever!

My prayers are with you!

[horizonwatch in reply to Oneseedatatime]

Oneseedatatime, thank you so much for your thoughtful response. Thank you for sharing your story, it helped me to read it. I have done the same thing -- pretend I'm fine but dying inside. But that's because there are very few people that I can talk to. I am going to seek a therapist though, and support groups and be much more social than I have been for years now. Me isolating myself has caused terribly dark depression, but I'm going to take small steps every day towards what I want and be patient and compassionate toward myself. Since I've been looking into going to a grad program and changing careers, interestingly enough, I've decided to stay put in the area I'm in. I've been having a bit more of an appreciation for it surprisingly. I'm going to give it a bit more time and do more research/visiting out of town and will still move if I decide that's what I want to do. Thank you again for your reply and I wish you all the best

[Oneseedatatime in reply to horizonwatch]

You are so welcome!

How have you been?

What steps have you taken towards your promising future and being in your gift of the here and now?

Grad program??? That is AWESOME! Oddly enough, 2 years ago I enrolled in a grad program and completed my MSW this year (May 2019).

You can do it!!!! It also helped me so much in varying ways.

I appreciate your well wishes.