Feeling Alone and Lost

I've never been on one of these sites before and I'm questioning myself on why I even signed up for one because the one person I feel like I can trust and confide in just isn't here for me the way he used to be we're dealing with a hard situation in our lives and he is away from me right now because of things he has done and when I reach out to him for love and support I simply just get excuses I get told that we're in the situation we're in because of me but I'm not the one who had the psychotic breakdown and did the things that he did to me I'm the one that loved him enough and was willing to lose him forever to make the call I needed to make but now I question myself if it was the right move what should I have done it even started so long ago in 2008 when my mother was killed in a car accident and I've never been the same woman and then the love that I found I ask myself if it was true love if it was me just trying to fix somebody and now I'm in the situation I'm in I've been the therapist they put me on meds and nothing seems to work and as this time goes on and get lonely or in Saturn the only times I want to get out of bed as when I know I have to go to work other than that I stay in bed and that's not the person I want to be I want to live life I want to be loved I want to be happy I just don't know how to get there anymore? So I figured maybe reaching out to people I don't know and don't know me might be able to give me advice might be able to help me because to be honest I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night and feeling this broken heart and asking my husband for things that he just can't seem to get me right now and then it all gets turned around on me and I'm the bad person and I'm the whiny Bitchie annoying wife that does nothing but complain but I'm the reason he's gone and I'm reminded of that I don't know what I should do I'm still so in love with my husband but I'm so lost at the same time

[Agora1]

Hi new friend and Welcome. Don't question why you signed up for this site but be thankful in that you did find a safe, comfortable place to come to where people understand. There's no judgment, put downs or giving you grief. It's our place to come to in feeling worthwhile and so not alone. The men and women in this group go through the same emotional hurt. We help validate each other as being worthy of being understood and loved. This will become your new emotional family where you will no longer be so lost. Glad you're here. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much, that meant so much to me with me struggling the way i am im afraid of being judge all i want is to know im not bonkers and everything will be ok.... thank you again....

[Lakewolf in reply to Hidden]

You aren’t bonkers.

Have you any friends or family that can support you emotionally? I suppose not, since you’re here; even so, here you ARE family.

Post whenever you need to.

I used to work 60-90 hours a week. I’ve been on disability since 2001, and am currently laid up in my room (that looks like a tornado hit it.) I used to own my own cleaning business, so you can imagine what this mess does to me psychologically. Until I’m through my current medical situation, it has to stay as is.

[ImNotCrazyJustSad]

I feel your pain. I just went through this with my ex boyfriend though he has never said such hurtful words he has put into prospective our situation. He has his own demons to fight, ones that I will never understand. Just as I have my own demons that he will never understand. We separated because we have to find ourselves before we can love anyone else. No one can make you happy but yourself. You have to want it. To me it sounds like your husband has his own problems and it's toxic in your life. I know that it hurts to hear. It hurt for me when my ex said the same words and for me to realize it myself.

Their is no one to blaim about someone's behavior but themselves. You did the right thing to seek out help for him. Now it is up to him to want it.

You are in my prayers. I hope everything works out.

[dee_bells]

Hi and welcome, this is an easy place to express yourself with people who have gone through similar things like you.

I’m sorry you are going through this horrible time. And when someone says it’s your “fault” ~~it takes too to tangle. Don’t beat yourself up. I’m in bed all the time. I should be doing something productive.

Hang in there and do one thing for yourself today.

Take care of you. 😁😁🌸🌸🌸🌻🌻

[Hidden]

Hi never forgotten, I know right now the hurt is almost unbearable but I can assure you, you will make it through. I went through a terrible time in my marriage because of anxiety and other issues. Our spouses should be the ones we can go to when we need support but I realized it can be too much for them to handle. Seeking support through support groups such as this one, seeking out a therapist that is trained to listen and give guidance is probably the best avenues to take. He is still your husband and despite his inability to handle what is happening in your lives right now I am sure he wants nothing more than to see things improve. Working on you right now is most important, trust that things will work out, do not place blame it does not help the situation, once you are where you need to be you can work on your marriage. I let go of my marriage and each day I realize it was not the thing to do. We are both fine now but it took time and both of us working on our issues. I rely heavily on my relationship with God and it is what has has healed my brokenness, and my fears. I am sometimes still scared but I know that things will be alright and I take it to the one who can calm my fears. The Lord Jesus Christ. You will find your way, be well. Glad you joined the group.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much so much for those encouraging words they had meant the world to me and give me a lot of Hope and I appreciate the fact that I can find someone like you out there that doesn't know me but is willing to also share your story I think this site might have been Jesus also bringing you somewhere where I know there's others like me and in similar situations and is willing to be there even though they don't know me I appreciate it so much and my prayers with Christ does help but sometimes even with that I get to discouraged but thank you so much and I wish you the best also.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! Jesus is a healer, I am a witness.

[Hidden]

Though I dont entirely know your situation, when my ex (my one) and I split up because of me and my depression, I knew of some things that I thought he needed to take care of, and I made a call I knew could hinder his life for the worst, but it was mostly for him because I wanted him to acknowledge some things about himself and make positive change and not only look at the way I was. At the time I felt I was definitely doing the right thing. Hes never spoken* to me again, but he did keep in touch a little bit at first in email. He recently contacted me and it was half pleasant and half not so much. The way he ended his part was like a stab in the heart, he indicated he will never contact me in any way again because he thinks I blame him for everything based on my behavior. Nothing happened with my call, but I made sure he knew about it at the he time and I'm certain it's something hes never going to forgive me for and it's one of the ongoing reasons for my depression (but I also have much more severe trauma in my past adding to it). I dont sleep. It's been 6 months and I cry every night, hold his picture while I try and sleep, check my email constantly hoping hes read my apologies and will forgive everything but I know that wont happen, the day dreaming doesn't help. Us splitting came as a shock to me and I really didnt handle it well at all. I am in therapy now and I do take meds, but it doesnt stop my mind from racing. About him, what I did, and a million other things in my life all at once. Unfortunately I cant get on here as much as I used to due to no internet or phone service atm, and I have to walk for wifi but it's been one of the only things that's helped me to relax. Knowing others are in similar positions and can share how theyve handled things or just vent. The anonymity helps. Hopefully being able to share will make you feel as supported as you need. I know its helped me.

[LaPetiteGen]

Oh love, my heart breaks reading your words. I'm so glad that you are here. Put aside your fears of judgment and blame and believe that there is freedom in your future. Seeking help for yourself and your husband is never the wrong decision and in the right hands healing and restoration is possible. I know things are extremely hard right now but God can turn all your broken pieces into a beautiful mosaic of health, healing and prosperity. There is a time for everything under the sun- joys and pain. I saw this article on communications in marriage and thought it might give some insights. bit.ly/2IMMtr5

Be strong, be brave and believe in the best. I will be praying for you and your husband and I know that restoration is possible.

[Crackerjack4u]

Hello Neverforgotten, and Welcome. This is an excellent group of people on here, who listens, and never judges. I'm fairly new here myself, but I do know when my days get long, and my nights get even longer where I can turn to for kindness, support, and for someone to help pull me back up by the back of my britches, and walk hand and hand with me until I'm feeling able to walk alone. So the main thing I want you to know is that you are Not alone, and if you need a friend to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on, we are all here for you.

In situations like yours you have to do what is best for you both today, and tomorrow, and never allow anyone to treat you with anything but the kindness, and respect that you deserve. It's important to remember to always make your decisions in life with your head, and not your heart because the heart often causes us to make the wrong decisions for our own wellbeing out of guilt, pity, fear, and love.

It's alright to cry because you love and miss them, and feel guilt because of what happened, and pity them because you feel or they're making you feel like it's your fault, and to have fear of the unknown, but those are all emotions coming from your heart, not your head.

The rational truth of those emotions explaining them from the head, instead of the heart is that: You cry because you Do love and miss him, but know that things couldn't continue the way they were. You feel guilt because of what happened, but there were many reasons that lead to that decision. You feel pity because you love him and want him to come back home, but you also know that 1st he has to take responsibility for his portion of the things leading up to this. You need to be aware that it was Not your fault, the fault lies in a breakdown of important aspects necessary to hold a marriage together, and to keep it happy and healthy, aspects that now need to be fixed in order for it to go forward in the healthy way that you both deserve, you have a fear of the unknown because of where the relationship is at right at this moment, which leaves you with more questions than answers. All those emotions are completely normal, and expected but the main thing is to not dwell on any of them for very long, and to not allow them to dictate, or override your rational decisions.

During this time while you all are apart the best advice I can offer is to use this time for yourself. Work on becoming the best you that you can be, work on not allowing anyone to treat you badly, work on becoming independent, and work on any other aspects of your life that have been previously put on hold. Then when you've both done that, and you come out the other side stronger, and as more independent people then you will truly be able to make the correct decision for yourselves as to whether, or not to stay together. I'll be the 1st to admit that marriage is tough sometimes, (I've been there more than once myself), and it takes both people pulling their own load, respecting their partner, not taking each other for granted, and not pulling against their spouse in order for it to survive all the ups and downs that life throws at it. So hang in there hun, and at the end of this particular down in life, you will again begin to move up.