My story. I need to get it off my chest.

[Mentalchic]

I grew up with an abusive family. My mom was emotionally abusive my whole life. My dad was an alcoholic who beat me and my brothers. One of my stepbrothers assaulted me while sleeping and I was told to never talk about it. My mom spent my entire life hating me and making me feel invisible and has outcasted me from my family more than once but she ll never admit it. I have been stabbed in the back by every girlfriend I have ever have and told I'm too much. I have too much Drama. I can't talk to anyone about all these dark secrets because no one bothers to understand. Guys see me as pretty and never bother to get to know my heart. The last 4 exes have cheated on me. I just want to find someone real who can be there for my worst days and when my depression drowns me and for good days when I feel like I'm floating on air. I have had 4 suicide attempts in the last year. My daughter is the only reason I'm still here. My depression is a beast because of all the trauma I am forced to keep secret and I'm call d toxic and manipulative when I try to talk about it. I wish someone understood the pain. I feel so alone.

[Sueislove]

So incredibly sorry you have endured so much pain in your life and you are not alone . I’m here if you want to talk . Please love yourself and be kind to yourself one day at a time one’s moment at a time . I read this today and screen shot this and it’s perfect for you !

Before you go to bed tonight I want to remind you that your soul is beautiful your mind is powerful and your heart is made of gold and honesty You have so many good things coming your way . You don’t need anyone who isn’t going to love you the way you deserve to beloved !❤️

[Shnookie]

Your life is precious. Please contact the Suicide Prevention Hotline [phone]. They R very supportive and helpful.

Hugs 🤗 Shnookie 💪

[Melancholy12]

Get the best therapist you can. You need to heal from Your abusive upbringing. It will be healthy for your daughter too! Love yourself. Forget men for awhile. Stay away From Your mother until you can healthfully be around her again. Talk about the physical sexual and emotional abuse with a strong therapist. Wishing you peace.

[CaliGuy7]

It's time to take care of you. You can't keep letting yourself be a victim for others. I've done that almost all my life for the good of others, but you no longer should or have too. Just ask yourself what good holding all that in to protect your so-called family has done? I mean, do they truly love and care about you or do they just care that you don't possibly get them in legal troubles? Let yourself take the first step to truly heal. Many supportive people can walk you through it and help you along the way when you are ready

[b1b1b1]

You need antidepressants as well as a good psychotherapist. It can take time to recover from all that you have been through, but it is best to start now with medication and talk therapy.

[MrsSwing]

First of all I think you should be proud of yourself for telling your story as it can be extremely difficult to talk about. Have you spoken to Drs or counsellors? Stay away from men for now as you need to be able to manage yourself without having to depend on them for your emotional wellbeing. Ask for help & support from those that are trained to provide it. I have found many of the posts throughout this site very inspiring & they can offer help as they want to see people get stronger. I have been able to have sessions with an amazing counsellor & I do believe that this is something you could try. Something that I live by is to not let family members mistreat you physically & emotionally. There is family which is about dna & we weren’t able to choose the family that we were born into. However hopefully most of us can make the choice of whether or not we should remain in it. I have what I call my soul/love family & these are people that I am not genetically related to however we have a bond that fills me with love, strength & happiness. I have family members that I no longer have any contact with as they never changed their behaviour towards me & I feel much more at peace away from them. What is best for you & your daughter is what is most important. Good luck & try to take small steps throughout each day!

[ImExhausted]

Im in your exact shoes. I too was abused by my mom and my father was a drug addict in and out of jail until he overdosed. I have no one and just found out my bf is cheating on me again. I have no one and no where to go. I feel so alone. If you ever want to talk send me a message. I came here to find support and other people that have been through something similar as I have.

[Mentalchic in reply to ImExhausted]

I'm sorry you can relate. I think the worst part is when it hits you out of nowhere.

[Marysblue]

I have to say you are very brave. Ive lived thru similar abuse.It takes a really messed up person to mistreat their own children. It was not your fault. I know what it does to you and how hard it makes life. You now have gifts to help others and understand what many can't. You can focus on being the best parent. And on parenting or reparenting yourself. Thanks for telling your story. Talking about it helps.

[Existing]

Well, the first thing I hear loud and clear is that you need to tell your story, you need to be heard. I recognize it because its been a big need for me too. Its called a "trauma narrative" and a good trauma therapist will understand that term if you let them know that's what is important to you. Some people have the opposite problem, they don't want to face the situations, but you sound like you are looking to get it out so you can figure out what you can do about it. Smart girl.I think you recognize that your upbringing has affected the choices you're capable of making. I hope that also signals to you that because they are learned and modeled behaviors, that they can also be unlearned. So, yeah, find a trauma therapist you can trust, then tell your story of dysfunction and pain and ask where the door is to start learning how to undo the dysfunction and pain. Ask for help to go through that door so you can see what it looks like to make healthy choices and how that affects the overall quality of your life. You are smart to recognize that will will naturally gravitate toward what you learned growing up, so the faster you can learn what healthy behaviors and lifestyles look like, and the faster you can find someone who can help you learn to take those steps, the better. You have a bright future ahead. Go seek out the tools you need. Someday you may tell your story to help others.😘

[Mentalchic in reply to Existing]

This made my day. I'm so happy to know someone understands.