Feeling so so lonely

[Meadow321]

I feel so alone.

And I don't help myself...I say I'm fine even when I'm not, because I convince myself that no one really wants to hear how I'm doing...I don't talk to my family about how I'm feeling, because I feel like such a disappointment.

I feel like I have absolutely no one in this world, there's no one I can actually talk to, because even the people who do care and want to help people, I never tell them the truth...I just put on a smile and that's all it takes for them to believe me when I say I'm good.

And I've been doing this for so long, that I'm now living a lie...I don't enjoy what I say I enjoy, I don't even do what I say I'm doing...every word I say is to please other people

And some nights are worse than others, tonight I feel so incredibly isolated, because I want to talk to someone but I don't have anyone, there is no one I can ever talk to

[Browneyes921]

I’m really sorry you are struggling. It’s a great first step by being honest here. I don’t have any answers for you, but know that you are not alone.

[Hidden]

That could be an avoidance strategy for fear of lack of understanding.

It has gone to the point of no return so your self esteem seems to low. Guess you have made a decision to open up about your problems so that is a good way of finding how most of us feel like this at some time during our lives and it helps to know you are not the only one . May be your family is not used to expressing emotion so you find it difficult to tell anyone how you feel?

[Hidden]

Now that you have joined this community you have lots of people to talk to.

[Bellabelly]

I just joined tonight because i also feel like i have no one. Only i don't lie. I am bad at faking it. Then I tell people but it doesn't seem like they care.....i don't know. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. You have us.

[Agora1 in reply to Bellabelly]

Welcome to this amazing group of caring people Bellabelly.

I'm glad you are here. xx

[Redangels410]

Oh sweetie, my heart aches for you because I can see myself before from your post. But you see, you are brave more than you thing because you just took step 1 right now for sharing your struggles. I was so good at putting that happy face before when inside I was dying too. I'm a giver & an encourager, so I am not used to getting help from anyone.

But no one should be feeling this way, esp the feeling of being alone. Do you have a best friend that you can trust with your feelings? You mentioned that you don't want to discuss this with your family because you feel like you are a disappointment to them? Have you done something in the past that you feel like you have disappointed them? Have you tried going to counseling? I know a place where you can get counseling for free, because I know that can get expensive sometimes. Let me know if you are interested.

I remember when I lost one of my dog & this is the very first time I lost a dog. I developed a depression because I couldn't talk to any body how I'm feeling. I feel like no one would understand me, because to others it's just a dog. But my dogs are my babies. And I remember how ugly the darkness & feeling so alone. I don't ever want to be in that place again! And I was wrong, people cares, only if we learn to open up to them, but we have to make sure that they are trustworthy people. And to my surprise, even my doctor showed compassion & helped me. All I was doing before was praying & talking to God. And He sent those people to help me.

I will be praying for you...

[Meadow321 in reply to Redangels410]

I have some really good friends and I know they wouldn't want me to feel this way, but for some reason I just can't get past the thought that I would be annoying them if I do talk to them. And they've never given me a reason to think this, in fact they always say I can talk to them whenever I need to, and I can get as far as saying I'm not feeling great and need someone to talk to for a bit, but after that I put on a smile again and say really its fine.

As for counseling, I'm on the waiting Iist for CBT, but that's not for a couple more months, and sometimes the time between now and then seems forever, and I don't know how I'm going to get through that time. I have work and holidays and things to do, but I don't enjoy any of it, I'm just going through the motions of living without really living, it feels like.

And thank you for taking the time to listen and to care, I am so sorry you felt that way when you lost your dog, losing a pet is really hard, they become so much a part of a family and animals have such beautiful personalities if we take the time to truly love them.

[Redangels410 in reply to Meadow321]

Oh sweetie, I totally understand you. I was feeling that way too before. But I learned that our friends wants to help & it actually builds our relationship & it get stronger when we help each other. When I lost my dog, I was scared to opened up to the ladies at my bible study. I stayed quiet for a while until one of the lady cried out & shared her grieving on losing her mom. And I can't believe the support & encouragement she received from our group. So, one day I prayed to God to help me & give me courage to open up too, because I was really feeling alone & was tired of crying alone. Oh boy, when I opened up, I felt all the ladies love for me. It was one of the best decision I ever made. It was so nice to get a text or an e-mail from the ladies just checking up on me. Some ladies took me out for a coffee, just to talk. They didn't solve my problem & they really didn't give much an advice on how to grieve from losing my dog. But it was so nice to be heard. It felt so good just to let out all the feelings that I was keeping on my chest. All of a sudden my shoulder felt so light. And when someone ask me how I was doing, I can finally be sincere & say I am well.

I will pray that God will also help you & give you the courage to open up to a trustworthy person so you can enjoy life more. And I promise you people wants to help, only if we learn to ask to. I know because I love helping people once they reach out to me.

Also, you mentioned that you are online to see a counselor. If you are interested, I know a free counseling where you can get one. Also, I can also share some resources on how to overcome your loneliness.

Take care & you are very welcome.

[Meadow321 in reply to Redangels410]

Resources on overcoming loneliness would be very much appreciated x