Hello, former Against_the_current here

[No_Longer_Human]

Somehow i can't log in. I couldn't log in so i thought my previous account was delieted. Especially since the moderators messaged me to warn me. I couldn't log in.

But the story is same.My mom sent me to take out the rubbish and i saw a neighbour old lady who lives next door in the elevator. I wished her nice evening and mom went mad "close the door, you talk to people and im here without trousers". I just said "evening" not even"good evening ". And i said "yeah, ofc i can't talk to people", and mom played dirty "talk to people but you only stay at home, go out". I seeked granny for advice and she said she cried all day. F*ck this family. And i got her brain structure and now i want to cry too. Things will only get worse. Idk what to do. If i stay till things really escalate, things would have escalated and i would be too damaged to work. If i leave, I haven't seen dad's appartment yet and idk if i can live in it. I need to sign a contract for internet and tv, i need to buy a fridge, i need to buy an AC, i need to clean the mold and paint over it and over my half-sibling's paintings. I haven't even been in the place and idk whether i can manage and manage with work in my state. I think it's not rational to try to be a psychologist. I can't afford the courses and therapy. I have to give up on this dream. I have to either work at a clothes store at 4 hours every day (if the salary's enough) or a perfume shop for 6 hours but not every day if they accept me. My mom's drunk snoring. My head hurts

[gajh]

The first step is to go see your Dad's apartment and see exactly what shape it is in. You don't have to do everything at once. You don't need internet and tv. You don't need a fridge. You don't need AC. You can clean the mold. You do not have to paint over the paintings. You can do it all just one tiny step at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself with thinking that you have to do everything all at once. No matter what, living there will be an improvement over living with your Mother. That is a great idea to work in a clothes store or perfume shop. That would not mean giving up on your dreams. That could give you the money you need to continue pursuing your psychologist career. Just take the very first, very tiniest step to get moving in the right direction. You absolutely can do it. You were able to excel at school, that proves you are able to handle life. Just one tiny step at a time.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Thank you. But i want it to be comfortable for me. At least i have to put paint over the mold and to get internet and tv because i would go wild. Also a fridge because here i have a supermarket but there it's away. I don't know what i will do if i don't like the appartment. I need grandparents help but they shouldn't know about mom because ahe will be mad. Also at day I don't want to move out and worry how i will work and stay alone and take care of myself alone. But then at night, she gets drunk

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Ok but that is looking at the big picture, looking at everything all at once. Break it all down into tiny steps. Take the very first step, go see the apartment. Otherwise you are doing nothing at all. One step at a time will get you there. That is your way to move forward.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Thank you so much

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Will you take that first step and see the apartment? I would love to hear an update when you do. You can do this!

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Thank you. Just nobody gave me keys. I asked for a copy but i didn't receive

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

So then getting the keys is your first step. Just ask for them again.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Idk if my sister is gonna give them to me and how to justify traveling to there to see. It's gonna be painful in every way. Dad lived there with the kid

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Ask your sister first before you worry about justifying traveling. That is a different step. Asking is the first step.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

So many steps. She might not want to give it. I understand her being tortured by mom too but she handles her better

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Yes there are so many steps. That is why you just take it one step at a time. Just ask for the keys then figure out the next step after you have completed that step.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Okay

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Let me know how it goes. Then we can talk about the next step, if you want to. I care.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Thank you. I don't know what is best to do -bear the abuse or try to work, do the place and take care of it and myself

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Just take it all one step at a time. I think it is a great idea to work at a clothes store or perfume shop. The first step would just be to look into who is hiring. You don't even have to think about the interview yet. Just look into it. It would be so good for you to try to work. You have nothing to lose in trying. It might go better than you can even imagine.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

I looked it up. I also looked up fridges, tv n internet, and ACs. I asked my sister to go and she got mad at me

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

You looked into job openings? That is great that you asked your sister. See you are taking steps. That is awesome. Let your sister calm down and ask her again at another time when she is in a good mood.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Thank you. Yeah, i checked everything. It made me so anxious she reacted like that

[worthytobeloved in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Hi darling girl. I'm glad you are still on the site. Look - there are SO many people living in accommodation they hate, and are powerless to do anything about it. And a lot of people are sleeping rough. You are lucky - you have the choice of staying with your mum or going to your dad's apartment. I agree with Gajh, look at the apartment, give it a go, and try and get a simple job that won't stress you. (Or even do voluntary work). Your grandparents and dad would be so proud of you for making the effort, they would probably help you financially. Otherwise, you could spend the rest of your life as you are now. And I am so fond of you - I really want you to be happy and be able to be the wonderful person you are.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you

[worthytobeloved in reply to gajh]

Brilliant reply! I really hope she takes your advice.

[gajh]

Of course it would make you anxious but be proud of yourself for asking. You took a step forward. Did you find any places that are hiring?

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Yeah, the perfume shop and the clothes shop. Thank you. I feel anxious why she reacted like that

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Well don't overthink it. It probably has nothing to do with you. Probably something is going on for her that has nothing to do with you. That is great to know that they are hiring. Is there an online application or would you have to go in person to get one?

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Online application. Also a call centre work from home but i would have to work full time and zero human connection and full social anxiety. She's mad. Probably sick of mom too. Sick of me. Or doesn't want me to take the place. I'm worried. I hope she was just tired from school

[gajh]

Probably just tired from school. Which job do you think might be best for you to try first the clothes shore, perfume shop, or call center? What would be easiest for you with your social anxiety.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Perfume shop because i wouldn't have to work in a team and run around the store

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Excellent. Have you taken a look at their application yet? That would be a good step to take. Just see what they ask.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

I read it. I just don't know whether im ready to move out and to work. Last time i tried to work, i got sick

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

You wouldn't have to do both move out and work would you? Couldn't you just try working first before thinking about moving out? Just because you got sick last time does not mean you would get sick now. If you take it one step at a time without overwhelming yourself you will probably be successful.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

I thought about doing both. I want to work to move out. And dad's place is near the mall. Otherwise I would have to catch a buss from home and im late. And idk if i will be in a state to work

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

There is no way for you to know without trying. I really believe you can do it. Whichever is the easiest step moving to your Dad's place or dealing with the bus. Which would be less stressful?

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

Not working till im better mentally and mom stopping drinking and abusing me.

[Alpakka123 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Hi, sweetheart. I feel the need to comment on this, half of which has already been said.

-You can't wait for your mom to stop drinking.

-a job could actually help you mentally. Think about this. It would get you out of the house and around others, both of which everyone needs for their own sanity's sake. Not having anything to do can be toxic in itself because that's when our brains take over and run circles in our heads.

[worthytobeloved in reply to Alpakka123]

Brilliant reply! Well done!

[Alpakka123 in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you!

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

I worry my sister will go to university and leave me alone with mom after less than 2 years

[gajh in reply to No_Longer_Human]

So take the steps before that happens. You don't need to wait.

[casablancalover14 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Please try to get a job, and you will start to feel a small amount of independence. You have to take it one day at a time. Smile along the way.

[Alpakka123 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

I need to comment on this one as well. Your sister has a right to go to university just like you had the right to go to university. Think about what you're saying here because you make it about you again. You're worried that you sister will do something (that she has complete right to do, btw) because YOU will be alone. How do you think she felt when you went to university and she was left alone with mom?

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Alpakka123]

I know how it sounded and i was worried as hell when i was in university (when i wasn't online or with twisted leg or sick) but she was better without me. She was inviting friends and has asked me to stay where i were. Like ofc I'm worried about her. And that's stopping me rn from moving rn

[Alpakka123 in reply to No_Longer_Human]

Ok. I just wanted to check🙂

[gajh]

Your Mom is not going to stop drinking and abusing you. Don't wait for something that isn't going to happen. You can take the steps right now.

[fauxartist in reply to gajh]

This is an amazing effort on your part to try and help, but sometimes the person has to want to be helped ...and sometimes they just need to vent.... I have learned this the hard way over the years here.... at least you made the effort... with the number of people as members, usually very few do comment and try to help, for what ever reasons of their own.

[Downinil in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you, fauxartist!

[worthytobeloved in reply to fauxartist]

I agree. Gajh is so patient!

[No_Longer_Human in reply to gajh]

I needed to hear that. Thank you for being with me on my journey. I was so stressed i had nightmares about calling someone to fix the place and them robbing me

[jjpeabody]

Dear No Longer Human, "I don't know what is best to do -bear the abuse or try to work, do the place and take care of it and myself"...Move out, take a job you find least stressful and think you can bare (I like full-time call center job while living at Dad's, most money and opportunity for your growth/independence), you can pick up furniture stuff etc as money comes in, forget about college for now... Accept your current situation, take Action on the steps you've written down (Dad's place, job etc). You can do this and must do this. Stay FOCUSED. Good luck No Longer Human.

[No_Longer_Human in reply to jjpeabody]

Thanks. Just wish i wasn't getting sick all the time

[Mark1499]

I’ve had the exact same issue!

[No_Longer_Human in reply to Mark1499]

How are you dealing with it