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Obsessive thoughts

OK idk if everyone gets this thought but I've been obsessing over it, the thought plays over in my head kill yourself, idk if it will eventually subside I try to ignore it but then I think about what was making me anxious and it comes back but, idk if wanting a job has something to do with it. I've been putting in applications but haven't got called in for any interviews yet, is my brain just telling me I'm stressed, or is it something serious cause when I see something sharp I'm afraid of it, so I hide or put it somewhere I couldn't get it, when I was younger I used to be like that but now literally anything laying I could harm myself with I throw somewhere or put somewhere I can't reach. I just need an explanation cause most people on here are very smart.

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Hi Richardr21

Thank you for honest post and for sharing your experience here.

I can’t imagine how terrifying and awful that must feel. I’m sorry for your pain & suffering.

You sound very aware of yourself which is so important.

I don’t have an explanation but I’m glad we share this space & I hope you find the perfect job/the support you need.

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Thanks, I will do my best

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That’s all we can do 🙂

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Hey Richard,

It sounds like you need to keep the object away and keep your mind occupied otherwise. Why is this thought telling you to hurt yourself? It's a bit worrying, but as long as you know rationally that this isn't a good thought and you shouldn't do it, I'd feel a bit better. Here's the thing, especially with your job search: it could take time, it's not always immediately fruitful, and you'll need to find what works for you. You cannot stress out over the things you cannot control. The most positive thing you've done, aside from coming here to talk about this, is put yourself out there. You submitted a job application and all you can do is wait for a call. In the mean time, do not give this "voice" a place in your mind. You're doing great, you will do great, and things will be great. Replace the voice with that mantra in your head. Chant it inside or whisper it to yourself...hell...let the whole house know! Try passing the time where this thought thinks it has a block of time to tell you these things by filling that time with things you enjoy....music, sports, books, musical instruments, video games, woodworking, whatever it might be.

I think I commented on another post of yours and I think it might be good to see someone. Therapist, counselor, or even someone at a church who is learned in helping and listening to you. I think seeing a doctor might also be a good idea just to assess. Medication can be absolutely instrumental in helping with that. Make sure you're kind to yourself and love yourself....as corny as it sounds. You need to know you're worth it and that life has great things ahead. I've also put away sharp objects when I felt anxiety coming on because, I think I mentioned this before, one of anxiety's little tricks is giving us this idea that we could lose our mind or act in a manner that we wouldn't. So, just put them away unless they have a purpose...dicing an onion....dice it and in the dish washer or back in the knife block it goes.

It's hard to give an explanation because everyone is absolutely unique and different. Situations can surely be parallel but that doesn't mean there's a "one size fits all". Stress and environment factors (living environment...or even upbringing) also make things a bit more difficult on this end. You could be suffering from a little depression in there, too. You mention stress, so I think it's from stress and the pressure of trying to just land a job already after sending out your resume. I'm sorry you have all this on your plate with a thought like that playing over and over. Try to hang in there, maybe check in on getting in with a doctor and/or therapist, and hopefully that phone will ring with a new job offer. Hoping the best for you.

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Hello Richard, my name is Mary Jo , but I go by Jo. Richard, have you ever thought of a plan to try to commit suicide? I’m stressing a little bit because you sound so much like me. Several years ago I tried to commit suicide. It just about worked. I was immediately put on life support for 30 days. The only reason I came out of my coma was God sent me a miracle. Richard, it’s not normal to have those thoughts, especially if you have a plan. If you aren’t seeing someone you might want to consider one. Depression can absolutely take over your thoughts and your mind. Especially when you reach that hopeless 😩 stage. That’s how I felt. Please go, heck they may not find anything,but you never know. God bless you Richard. Keep in touch please.

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Don't give up and looking for a job can and is stressful. But chances are is just a added that puts you over the edge,

Can I ask what was happening last thing you struggled with this at a younger age?

Don't give up, that evil self destructive voice can be helk to deal with,

Maybe talking to a professional would be good, also try to put a safety plan in place just in case it gets to deep,perhaps numbers of after hour help locally. The sucide prevention line often has like 70 calls ahead of you,so local is best, or even a person that will come no matter what time day or night.

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Well it started when I got out of school I had to replace my social security and birth certificate. Then when I got it back, I had it in my social security in with my permit my cousin and his wife stole it, with 30 bucks. I had a nervous breakdown I told myself my life was over that I didn't care anymore not realizing I can get it all back. They also did heroine and they got me in trouble and my uncle took my Xbox my mom bought me, because I told my other cousin what happened even though my uncle told me not to tell anyone, that's why he took my xbox, I never got it back and my mom had to go buy a new one for me, and when I got all my stuff back which was when I was having panic attacks a lot and health anxiety, but before we found heroine probably black tar heroine in their drawr. They stole money from my mom's room andnxiwty stole my dsi and 3ds, and they stole one of my Xbox 360 games gta4 which I took from my cousins bf so idk if that was karma I regret taking it but yea, I regret everything bad I did. But back to when my cousin stole my wallet, the day I went nuts I was going to apply for Rutters, I was going to apply. They had a spot open for deli if I was interested I told them I'd think about it, and I went home abound my wallet was gone. I'm sure that's what made me fall lower btw I'm 20 I'll be 21 in july. Now I'm looking for a job, I'd if all that caused me to have trouble thinking and now I talk to myself negatively and the thought kill yourself that won't go away. I'll have to get help but the issue is I don't have health insurance cause I never had a job, I just don't what to do.

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I'm not sure where you live if in USA call the county nurse or health department and they can help you find help or call therapy clinics and ask about low income help. Because your correct you do need the help . I've been there with the negative thoughts and self hate etc

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Pennsylvania

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Hi these thoughts are very distressing aren't they. I have had suicidal urges most of my life and I put off the thoughts by saying each morning when I wake up that today won't be the day I do it. Once you have made that decision dismiss any thoughts of suicide for that day (use distraction). That then leaves you free to live in the present and to try and enjoy the day. x

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I think about killing myself every single day! Life throws stuff at us and we have to adapt. Obviously, I haven’t done it....yet, but it’s always there in my head!

Just try to get through each day and do the best you can!

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Hey Richard - yes, I've gone through periods when such thoughts plagued me as well. They are very worrisome indeed. I'm open about it, though - just as you have been here - which is good. I'm fairly sure that obsessive negative thinking is a part of the depression and anxiety combo. Knowing that they are just thoughts is a start, but if you are developing a plan to actually do it you're going to want to see a doctor ASAP. If it gets TOO bad, go in to the ER and tell them. They will help you. Even if it means staying in the hospital for a couple of days it's better than attempting a permanent solution to your temporary problems. For me, I realize that what I call 'ideation' is a pressure relief valve of sorts. When I think there's no way out of my difficulties it's a way of reminding myself that even that isn't true. I'm realizing that such bouts of negative thinking have happened throughout my life and therapy has helped me to understand what I was reacting to for all of those years. Stick around Richard - that's the only way to get better, and we do recover if we're willing to get help. Thanks for opening up.

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Would they have to put me in a psychiatric hospital? Cause I here they really scary places to be.

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There not too bad there safe and they will get you on meds.

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I did so voluntarily once mainly just to get on new medication. It wasn't that bad.

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Here message me on messenger and talk to me on there, Gage Reigart-Troup

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Hey Richard - which messenger please?

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The ordinary Facebook messenger

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My mom says it wouldn't help me cause her friend is on celexapram, and she said it doesn't help her.

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Just because it doesn’t work for her, does not mean it will not work for you. For depression medications, a lot of it is trial and error. I went through Paxil, then Celexa, currently am on Zoloft and Wellbutrin, also Clonazepam for anxiety, plus my emergency Xanax for panic attacks. Don’t give up, something will work for you.

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I honestly feel better, the word kill yourself in my head I'm putting to mean the oposite cause ever since my mind changed and talking to myself negatively it might just be switched.

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