Nervious system disregulation overload. I can't be an adult. I can't neither be here or go back. My mental health collapses

[Against_the_current]

I just had a nightmare i was back to university city and i someone called mafia after me and it was such a scary dream. Also mom couldn't sleep last night and I was walking around the block talking on the phone but i guess talking on the phone also triggered me. "I'm trying not to trigger you but I'm not a saint" this sentence alone triggers me. I feel like I don't want to go back and i couldn't rest here. I'm frozen. I can't decide or think. All i can do is be frozen in fear. I'm afraid to go back to adulting. In my dream i moved out and tried to take some stuff from my previous accomodation but the new tenant called his criminals and the criminals were after me. I tried to drive or commute and they were after me. The person on the phone also mentioned something like that, i thought it didn't bother me but it seems it did. I'm really collapsing and i don't know how to tell everyone cause they think that's my normal state and because i can't work with solutions or take decisions right now. Mom also couldn't sleep last night. Anyone noticed something weird these days? I can't even breathe. I need help but what am i supposed to tell my family - I'm anxious because I am scared to go back to the big city and because mom's drinking and because I'm getting involved with someone that makes me anxious but i get involved because i need to talk to someone when I'm panicking about mom and walking around the block till she falls asleep, i can't continue my courses or cancel everything there but i can't also stay here because at winter things home will get tense with sis going to school and me not being able to walk outside till mom falls asleep and with me not studying and not working. And apparently i can't get rehabilitated. The hospitals and sanatoriums here suck. It's not my normal state of anxiety. My heart will implode. I'm paralyzed in fear. I know i should make decisions, my family knows i should make decisions, but I'm paralyzed

[CLB1125]

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Do you have a doctor you could talk to? Maybe you need a professional to help you figure this out.

[Against_the_current in reply to CLB1125]

I think I do need medical help but doctors here just give me a med and tell me to get myself together. Tommorow i will be going to my GP for my Clonasepam recipe but i don't think she would provide any talk help. Most doctors wouldn't even give me the prescription

[CLB1125 in reply to Against_the_current]

ask them to refer you to a therapist. they are trained to help through talk.

[Against_the_current in reply to CLB1125]

They would say just to search on my own

[Garrypalmer]

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[Jennblank7734]

I'm experiencing how hard it is to make decisions while in a state like this. I hate where I live and it's causing me a lot of extra problems. I'm in no shape to move. I don't want to be here but I don't want to be anywhere else. A couple weeks ago I dropped the classes I was in. I'm hugely disappointed but it was too much to keep being behind and barely make deadlines. I want to disappear in a little hole in the ground. I want to be alone but I know I won't make it this time.The biggest thing I can tell you is slow down. Breathe. Maybe you can try something like guided meditation. I used to like small repetitive projects that were easy enough I don't have to focus but took enough concentration that I'd be distracted

[Against_the_current in reply to Jennblank7734]

Exactly like that. I hate my place but not in shape to move. I hate my home but not in shape to move. Tried everything. It brings just a temporary relief and then i see mom drinking or any other trigger or i have to do something and i shutdown again

[Jennblank7734 in reply to Against_the_current]

Feel free to message me if you need talk.

[SoporRose]

AtC,

I'm sorry you're still so stuck and that there are no useful resources for you. Keep reaching out here.

Is there any word about your rabbit?

Ruth

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

He's in a critical condition. I'm so stuck. At day i want to stay here, at night i want to go back asap 😭

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Critical condition to me means very serious but with the possibility of recovery. I hope that Bob pulls through. How long have you had him? What does he look like?

I know it’s a difficult decision, to go or to stay. Neither situation is ideal. Each place has advantages. Could you go back with your sister to check on your accommodation? That might help you decide.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I can't. And since the divorce

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Not deciding is a kind of decision, too. And it’s OK to go with that.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Deciding is the fastest way to get me insane

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

You know, that makes sense to me.