Just need some encouraging words

[doctorpws1]

I am 67 years old and have had chronic, disabling depression and anxiety for at least forty years. I have been on about every antidepressant known as well as two courses of ECT, all of which have done nothing. Had some much psychotherapy that I am running out of counselors. Am currently on my fourth week of TMS which I had to fight to have approved by my insurance carrier. No social support group and no family left and almost no finances. Besides the self loathing, I have lots of anger and extreme irritability lately. Not sure where to turn if the TMS is ineffective. Total lack of interest or pleasure in this life. People at church mean well but they have no clue. Sure could use some words of support or encouragement.

[Shnookie]

so sorry that you are going thru this. If you are still working, U can try to qualify for Temporary psychiatric disability. It can provide U with monthly sums of money for a year.

[Hidden]

I am very sorry that you are going through some very difficult times. I don’t know if I can provide encouragement, but I can try to offer you my understanding and support. I am in a very similar situation. I am 70 years old and I would say that I’ve been depressed since I was in my early 20s. Because I overcame an addiction to cocaine and pills and also alcoholism, I never really took any meds because I felt I had an addictive personality. I am a very strong person so I’ve just dealt with it on my own. I have suicidal thoughts regularly because now I am in a crisis situation in several different scenarios, and I’m totally alone, except for my cat. It’s very hard to grow old alone . The one thing I can tell you is that you’re probably stronger than you think you are. Right now I’m at my lowest and somehow I dig deep inside and I manage to get up every day and do the necessary in order to survive. Will I be OK? I’m not sure . My situation is very scary and the future doesn’t look promising, but I will keep trying until I have no other options left. Please try to do the same. I’m here to listen whenever you’d like to chat.

[doctorpws1 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, my friend, I am sorry for your suffering as well. The future is a bleak unknown to me as well. I have always persevered but the strength to do that is ebbing.

[Hidden in reply to doctorpws1]

Don't give up just yet. Things could change in a heartbeat. That's what I keep telling myself. Stay strong. I know you can do it!

[Irishisme]

idk if this makes sense but sometimes looking outward to help someone takes the focus off all the terrible feelings we can have about ourselves. It might sound trite but volunteering at an animal shelter or something like that may help a little. Animals have no expectations and make no judgements about who we are. They are happy just to have company and you may benefit from it too.

[SayNOtoPanic]

You can and you will. You’re not alone. Even if it feels that way. It’s just the anxiety and/or depression amplifying it. Say I am strong and I will climb. Sending you good vibes doctorpws1. Keep us posted on the TMS and how that goes.

[kassalee]

recoveryinternational.org

[CatsandCheese]

61 and can relate TOO well. LONELINESS is almost unbearable. Hope this site helps you. I don't have anything to offer, but I wanted to reach out and wish you well.

[Oshgosh]

Can you identify why you are angry and irritable ?

[doctorpws1 in reply to Oshgosh]

They are cardinal symptoms of major depressive disorder.

[Hest19]

I’m sorry you’re going through this doctorpws1. I know depression myself; and it’s not fun. You’re not alone. They say sharing things with someone else takes away some of its power…That’s a step; and if you could find and in person support group that would another great step; just might “connect” with the others in same situation. It’s lonely to isolate and be depressed; and I know it’s hard to put yourself out there. Just by reaching out is a step. You don’t know what tomorrow will bring for life is just filled with surprises. I find trying to be of service to others, even when I don’t feel like it, does me joy and purpose……even in my most gloomy days. Best of luck. And don’t give up; there’s surely lots of good things in life ahead! 🙏🏻

[car103]

I also find myself in that "anger turned inward" place. 60 and empathize. If I had any good answers, I'd be doing it.Keep writing. There is support here.

[Mohammad-341]

I can understand u, i have gone through such debilitating depression. I felt lot of relief from psychotherapy. No other treatment helped. Moving by louis hey about forgiveness helped me a lot

[bethelbee]

I'm so sorry you are having a difficult time. I really hope you have success with TMS! Glad your insurance finally approved it. My Medicare paid for mine. After becoming treatment resistant to meds after being on them for decades my therapist recommended TMS. I have had great results with it. I had 3 rounds and the 3rd is still working after 2 years. Positive results from the first two rounds each lasted about 6 months. With my first two rounds I noticed a change about halfway through treatment, but with the last one I didn't start feeling better until towards the end, close to 6 weeks in. Some don't feel a difference until after the round is over. I have had down times but mostly due to health and medical issues. If it weren't for treatment, I probably would've spiraled down. I know how you feel.. I am 69 with only a couple friends and family I rarely see. It gets lonely.. Please keep us posted on your journey.

[doctorpws1 in reply to bethelbee]

Thanks for your words of reassurance. I feel a little encouraged.

[bethelbee in reply to doctorpws1]

Glad to hear you're feeling a little bit encouraged!

[prettylady3]

I am sorry that you are going through such sereve depression. I don' t have any answers or resources to refer. What I can do is pray for you. I will start tonight. Don't injure yourself in any way. You don't get to treat yourself that way. You are loved.