I need some words of encouragement so please reply if you are willing.

[Montana136]

Hello Community thank you for reading listening and I hope that you have words of encouragement or any support. I need it right now. I have major depression anxiety and ptsd. For the last 10 months I have been actively working on myself and healing. I have used a lot of tools that I've researched. Breathing, meditation, humor, talking logic to my unrational self, volunteering after isolating for 6 years. And other things. These tools that I was using I know helped me but in the last week and a half I have realized that slowly I have let go one by one all of those tools that were helping me. I lifted myself up out of a pretty steep depressive and anxious state and now I'm not even participating in my recovery anymore.

Why did I stop? Am I resistant to fixing myself? What are the possible reasons someone would stop using beneficial tools to make themselves feel better when they know that it was actually working. Why would someone stop using those tools? Feel like I'm resisting healing on some level. I've got to get to the bottom of this. Anybody relate anybody, resolve this kind of issue, anybody got any clues?

MOST POSITIVELY, REALLY need input from you guys. Thank you so much for listening. Have a good day and be well. Montana

[TealSheba]

Hi Montana, it sounds like you’ve put a ton of work into your recovery, congratulations! That took a lot of perseverance and grit to follow through when you were feeling low.

I think it’s natural to ease up on your mental health regimen once you start feeling better. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Since you’re better now, maybe you don’t need to keep up with the same intensity of coping skills that you were using before. Why not pick 1 or 2 of the coping skills to use daily instead of all of them? By doing so, it’s going to feel less overwhelming, plus you might even build up momentum to do more of them, if you feel like it.

You have an arsenal of tools at your disposal. If you start to slip again, you know exactly what to do, and that is huge! Kudos to you for your strength and fortitude to overcome this episode. And be kind and compassionate with yourself; you’re not going to be able to use all these skills perfectly, but you can still try one or two a day to maintain the progress you’ve made.

Best of luck, you’ve got this!

[Montana136 in reply to TealSheba]

Hi TealSheba, you're so right! That's why I asked for some of you to say it out loud to me to reassure me. I have been putting a lot of energy into recovering and managing. And you are absolutely right I should pick one or two of the best tools that helped me the most and practice just those. I could be overwhelmed with recovery. And you're right I've built up skills over the years and tools to utilize. I finally actually wrote them down on paper to read when I'm so out of my mind and not sure how to get out of it, it's written down and that had helped me remember what they are and to do them. Thank you for the encouragement and the reality check. I feel better hearing from you, I knew it would help me.. Thank you again have a great day and be well.Montana

[TealSheba in reply to Montana136]

It’s always hard to see things clearly when you’re in the middle of it. That’s why it’s great that you reached out to get an outside perspective on your situation. Glad I could help🥰 Have a wonderful day!

[Stormydays]

Hi Montana,It sounds like you are going through a setback or mini relapse in your recovery journey.

Although frustrating, its perfectly normal. Unfortunately, the process of recovery is not an upward sloping steady line. In reality, its often messy & a struggle.

My advice would be to make a list of the pros & cons of relapsing. Accept that there may be some cons to recovery but also remember that the pros most likely outweigh the cons & are worth dusting yourself off & keeping going on that journey to healing.

Wishing you peace & many brighter days ahead

[Montana136 in reply to Stormydays]

Hello Stormydays, Thank you for responding I had not thought of your suggestion. And I think it is an excellent exercise. I am going to write myself a note ( because I'll forget) to do a pro and con list over recovery. Because I'm sure as you stated the pros will outweigh the cons. It might be the motivation I need. This is exactly why I love this community you guys have been here, you relate, you have ideas, you have suggestions and you guys have words of encouragement. The other thing you said I liked was, recovery is not a steady line it can be messy and difficult. And that is a key point I need to remember that it's natural to regress and maybe even necessary in a way? Not sure yet. Thank you for that suggestion I'm sure it will initiate some forward movement for me.

Have a great day take care of you and be well

Montana 😊🌻

[Stormydays in reply to Montana136]

You're welcome Montana! I'm genuinely so pleased that my suggestions have been useful to you. I guess every little piece of new information helps on this daunting journey to manage & overcome our anxiety. Please feel free to keep me updated on your journey. I hope you have a peace filled week

[Montana136 in reply to Stormydays]

Thank you very much and I might attempts to reach out to you in the near future. It is very nice to have someone to talk to that can completely relate.Have a super fantastic day!

Be well

Montana

[Stormydays in reply to Montana136]

No problem. It is so relieving to come online & instantly be able to connect with people like yourself who are going through very similar things to me! Enjoy your day

[LoveforAll41]

Hiya Montana, I think this is a wonderful post. I think that we are all resistant to treatment to some level because we have developed our problems for some reason. Maybe it is just anxiety keeps us inside to keep from getting hurt physically/mentally/emotionally. I think that we have to understand a lot of the core issues and what we have developed stuff from.

My anxiety and depression eventually led to my having a binge eating disorder. This is when I had to get help because eating crap lowered my self-esteem more, it uses up money, and I often have terrible stomach aches/pains, not too mention the gas. 😆 Anyway, I found through therapy that I was always basing my self-worth on succeeding at the next thing. I would hope to feel productive at work, and if I wasn't I would feel self-loathing and depressed. After work I would hope to put in some productive time on school, and if I didn't I would feel worthless and depressed. In the mornings I would hope to exercise, and if didn't I would feel worthless and depressed. Binge eating really let my mind go numb and finally get a break from feeling anxiety over the next thing I felt I should do and succeed at. I am changing my views on worth and questioning whenever I feel anxious/depressed if something is making me feel less worthy. I have gone about a month now without a bad episode, which is a long time for me. Anyway, the questioning lets me give my mind a break and get the relief that bingeing would provide.

I have had these issues for the past 15 years, sometimes being better or worse. Sorry, I think I am rambling. I think we can all relate and this is a wonderful topic to cover in therapy. What I am trying to say is that our anxiety/depression and associated behaviors will not lessen until we can resolve the issue that they are helping with if that makes sense?

I wish you peace, hope, and strength.

[Montana136 in reply to LoveforAll41]

Hi LoveforAll, Thank you for your response and what you said makes very much sense. I have very high expectations of myself and most of them are probably very unrealistic. Yet if I do not achieve them I feel worthless and depressed. Worthless and depressed, I think the key word there is worthless and that indicates low self-esteem. And that is definitely something I resonate with. I Do not respect myself, I do not take care of myself, I do not nurture myself in any way. I am hard on myself, I send myself negative messages I feel like I don't deserve. I am severely dysfunctionally critical of myself. And I don't give myself a break. In fact if I was my own best friend I'd have to fire me. I don't treat other people like that, I have a very positive life-affirming, loving messages for all my friends and family who struggle. But I don't have it for myself. That is the core! And it did take me quite a long time in therapy to come to that conclusion. You are exactly right. I must find the core issue and address that. I think I've healed everything else twice over. It's my self-esteem that I still lack.

I am so happy to hear that you have had binge free episode for a month so far. Keep going strong. that is very good hard work. You are moving forward and that is always a good thing.

Have a good day thank you for the encouragement and your input. I can tell we have the similar cycle of low self-esteem and I think low self-esteem is way more common than we ever thought. And low self-esteem can be extremely destructive. I currently have been practicing saying nice things to myself sometimes. And sometimes is better than no times. Have a good day take care of yourself be well thank you so much. Montana☺️

[mizzou7016]

Montana,

that statement sounds so like me....I agree with what others are saying about we tend to "slow down" when we are feeling better...I am constantly having to "put myself in check" because I can feel myself backsliding...just remember, also as other people have said, to revert back to the tools in your toolbox when you feel like you are slipping......or even when you don't feel like you are slipping....that way it stays fresh in your mind.

[Hidden]

I have been there. I've given up some beneficial skills because I just didn't care anymore, I was too depressed and apathetic but, there is hope. I came out of it and, you can too.

Give yourself some grace for coming this far. I mean, you're here on this forum, right? That's a good step. Maybe, try to pick one skill back up. Just one. I know it's hard but trying is hope.

Keep your head up and be strong. You've got this.

[Hidden]

It's so easy to just let go isn't it? Been there. Being resilient is a monumental task for us.