ive lost myself

[thegoat123]

hi guys. just came back to give an update. so i got diagnosed with ocd, panic disorder, gad, whatever. i started buspirone because im generally sensitive to ssris and i thought it was working for a bit, but then it started giving me problems. i went off of it and then it gave me more problems. now i never even feel a bit normal. my mood is all out of whack, even worse than before. one second im decent the next second im having suicidal thoughts and ideations and then an hour later thats gone and im feeling a new emotion. im tired all of the time, i dont want to even be awake anymore. my ocd is so bad. i dont know what to do from here guys. i got prescribed zoloft but due to me stopping the buspar and having it give me so many problems im deciding to wait another week for my brain to rest from meds because i just feel that awful. i feel so out of hope that ill EVER recover. the subtypes of ocd i have are unbearable. i cant enjoy anything. every waking minute im suffering. i feel like ive lost myself. especially with the bouts of depersonalization.

if anyone has any tips please just let me know.

[Hidden]

You certainly have a lot on your plate. I would suggest considering the following options: therapy, starting your new medication, getting TMS if you can and meditating and exercising. These are all things that may be helpful for you and you will have to decide which ones work best. I don’t know your situation, so you will have to decide what you can do and what you cannot do, but these would certainly be good starting points. You may also want to do some reading on these topics to help you to understand them and deal with them more effectively.

[sunshinefan]

Hello- I'm sorry you are going through so much. Trying alternative options might be a good idea., like TMS, ECT, or others. Meditating, exercise or other things. Do you have a psychiatrist and/or therapist. That might be helpful too. I'm not a doctor and don't know your situation, those are just some of my ideas. Thinking of you.

[Mandos]

Wanted to reply because I'm on Buspirone for the same reasons. When I initially sought help from medication a decade ago, I had an incredibly bad reaction to SSRIs. After a long time medication free, I had a very bad episode late last year and this time, I elected the Buspirone route. I have had limited success with it, but have not had nearly as bad side effects.

My first small piece of advice is to understand that the week you are giving your brain to rest is unlikely to be enough of a reset. All of these drugs wreak havoc until a lengthy pattern is established and they continue to do so when that pattern stops.

I know that it feels like an eternity waiting for these things to have the desired effects, but a couple months of adjustment and what my friend described as emotional growing pains is worth the peace you will find on the other end.

With all this in mind, you will find what is right for you. But most of these drugs are not miracles, sadly. They take a lot longer than we expect them to. If you decide to go with Zoloft, there will likely be side effects with that medication as well and it will be unpleasant at first. But give it time and you will start to feel better.

P.S. The other commenters have some great ideas. Other treatments and practices will help provide relief alongside whichever medicine ends up working. Highly highly recommend guided meditation and the use of colors of noise (brown noise is my favorite).

I'll try to keep an eye out for your future posts. Please follow up and let us know how the change goes.

[Weatherwoman]

Have you tried Exposure & Response Therapy (ERP) therapy for OCD. Just a suggestion. Some SSRI's may work for ODD, but the side effects --Not good. But, everybody is different so have to find the right med. ERP & Effexor helped intrusive thoughts for me. They may not make the intrusive thots. go completely away; but, the thots. will dampen, and you will understand that they are "just" thoughts, and will become "background" noise!