Rock bottom SOS!!

[Kevin160]

Its been 2 days and i didnt feel a single moment without anxiety, when i used to obsess over my bp i would have anxiety and panic attacks but not as severe and frequent, i guess i just realized i have a chronic problem and it wasnt ever abiut just bp, or it triggered something, because now i dont know what to do, i know that my whole panic is coming from that im worried that the stress will stay and kill me, i dont want any advices im sick of it honestly , im in the darkest place i have been, i just panic and think that i have no control or hope and i cant go to a therapist now, and i get terrible physical symptoms and i just worry that i will die , JUST THE THOUGHT CAUSES ME TO FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO PASS OUT , im not sure how longer i can take , im just insanely worried that these 2 months of constant severe anxiety will kill me im afraid of sleeping alone, and i never had this constant anxiety this long, there was always good days, but these week im having constant headaches, and these past 2 days i havent had a moment where my mind was calm , my mind is just the thought that i will die and my heart just sinks, its not that im just worried about this staying, im worried about the affect its doing to me, i want to think its not doing anything to me , but i feel terrible i really do , i know that many people have experienced anxiety for a long time, but i domt know if anyone experienced non stop full blown panic attacks and loss of control, and this severe physical symptoms ..im going to see a therapist i just cant now and no one is listening to me, everyone is like take a painkiller for the headache and go to bed, my sleep is fine so far but the moment i wake up till the moment i go to bed im panicking, thinking what if i dont wake up , what if i get a stroke, and any symptom now makes me feel like this is it ...and im so young and i dont want this to end so soon , i know im being extremely dramatic and silly and so childish but i just feel so terrible to a point where i can not see myself believing i will be fine , im experiencing so much anxiety and im all alone where im just feeling like im losing my mind, im going crazy m thoughts are not making sense, my memory is crap, and my vision sucks, i cant focus , i have all this pressure and i feel like i cant face anything , my heart keeps sinking even when i try to calm and ignore my problems, meditation is not working anymore, i used to be abke to calm with it, not anymore ...i just need to know that people have reached this dark place and felt like they are going insane and they had non stop anxiety and they are ok , but even that probably wont help me because i know my brain will just switch to the negative , and i try but then i switch to the negative because i want to feel prepared because at this point i dont feel positive at all, i just feel nauseas and not well, i have a terrible headache and although im physically healthy and i shouldnt panic because im ok , im wasting my life over this, and i dont even have the ability to cry and let it out and i want to , i cant even believe this is happening , right now im alone and im PANICKING ...my mind is switching to this dark place where its my worst nightmare , and i know there is a solution but i feel helpless because i cant reach it now, i think my parents wont believe me until they see how much this is killing me

I dont even know anymore, is this depression , is this panic disorder , how long anxiety i have before something happens, or nothing idk..is this ocd where i cant stop measuring my bp even though my bp doesnt even bother me its not high when i measure it, i just feel numb on the outside and not so panicky, but deep down im frightened and i feel sick to my stomach ,

[Agora1]

Kevin, you have what many of us, including myself, have GAD. Generalized Anxiety

Disorder. The Anxiety tends to stay with us day after day in an up and down pattern

called Free Floating Anxiety. What that means is that the adrenaline never really

goes away. It's like a pilot light that's lit and the littlest thought can make it go into

a panic attack. Medication and therapy do help but we also need to find other methods

to accompany the constant fear and threat of panic. It is very wearing on the mind and

body to never fully relax. It can even show up in our dreams at night. Meditation can

and does work but it needs to be practiced every day, several times a day and not wait

until you really need it.

The chronic headaches are muscle contraction headaches due to again, not relaxing.

The muscles get so unbelievably tight that they produce little spasms in the neck and

shoulders called trigger points. Those spasms then can produce pain anywhere in the

head called referred pain. Taking a painkiller can help some but it's got to be accompanied by relaxing your mind and body as well.

I don't think you need advice Kevin. You know what to do it's just the constant anxiety

makes you feel hopeless in that this may never go away and that just exacerbates the

fear which then develops into "fear begets fear". It's not going to kill you. You need to

know that this is not a life sentence. Once you accept it as not life threatening and reduce

your stress, one by one the symptoms will disappear. Why don't you take some "me time"

right now and try to get rid of your headache which is feeding into your anxiety.

I hope you tone down some soon.

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

Im a bit calmer now, i guess i was more worked up when i wrote that, its just that i was progressing so well, i didnt even care about my blood pressure anymore, this past week i had to go back and think how did i not even think about bp which used to make me panic daily, but then i realized im sl used to anxiety that its happenig to no reason which is frightening because now i cant deal with it alone now, i know it wont kill me but i keep hearing alot of stories amd i do the dumb thing of googling, and it says it can cause strokes and heart attacks and im afraid to sleep now because of it , i know there is a bright side but right now i just feel the lowest i have been , and i though the month before was terrible , this is much worse, and i have been meditating since the 8th of january on simple habit and doing exercises, its been a month streak and i dont miss it everyday before bed and in the morning , sometimes afternoon , i just keep getting those thoughts of what if , and im always alone because im home alone and everyone is out , so now since im off school for a while its super hard to try and be ok, im going to try to be with people not alone i guess that would help, but sometimes i panic even with people and its harder to deal with it because i dont want to embarass myself or tell people i may not trust or panic and feel worse

[Agora1 in reply to Kevin160]

I hear you Kevin and I can absolutely understand what your feeling.

I'm glad you are doing better with taking the b/p. Next thing is try to

stay away from Google. That is not your friend. Glad to see that you are

doing the meditation 3 times a day. That's important. However, also use

YouTube in viewing some fun things. There needs to be a balance of some

lighthearted moments in your day. Being with people is good as well.

You are doing good Kevin. This will all pass one day.

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

My constant thought is that im going through this constamt anxiety since december and i never knew how much stress i could take, i knew people who had heart attacks and had a stressful life, im sure they had other factors to cause those health issues too like smoking or obesity , but its still scary and i keep thinking what if i need to go to hospitals, or i get a heartattack or pass out , what will my family feel, what will happen to me , after lif, what if this or that, i never thought that deep, and now i feel i thought of things i can never not think off, and i just cant even explain anymore

[chaz29 in reply to Kevin160]

I have panic attacks and symptoms all day everyday and I worry Im Going to die it's awful me lips go blue and doctor says nowt to worry about and I keep thinking they wrong and iv a bad heart and if you Google anything make sure you put anxiety coz if you don't it brings all sorts up and !makes you worse I'm scared of all sorts I'm a nervous wreck at minute

[Kevin160 in reply to chaz29]

Im feeling much better now, whenever i try to google something i just keep asking myself if i ever worried about my health and something bad actually came true, whenever i have an injury, or i gt a symptom from something i panic that its more serious that it is, but its never is, im also superstitious so i feel if i talk about something it will come true , but i realized that our bodies arent as fragile, yes stress and axiety causes these symptoms but it doesnt damage the body its a mechanism for survival because your body is in flight or fight mode, i still get negative thoughts, but trying to face them and making myself and forcing myself to face them without fear makes me more calm when i get these thoughts, its scary but what can we do, im going to a therapist later this month and im going to see what i can do, for me its always fear that since i took so much stress i fear that this stress has caused me physical problems, i domt always get symptoms but i still freak out and panic, but im starting to realize it didnt cause damage, or atleast i hope so...deep down we all know the truth but our minds show us the worst case and for me its diffiuclt to believe which is more reasonabke especially when u r panicking u dont distinguish the real from the fake ..like something as simple as a cut or a wound can cause me to panic that it will be infected or i will get some rare thing ,,u know what i mean, stay strong good luck, i didnt expect i will get this much better , u will its nit impossible

[chaz29 in reply to Kevin160]

I went to a therapist and they gave me like work books and there quite good. And yeah I get scary thoughts like ambulances are on way see them in my head and then I get petrified it's a premonition I beat this year's ago and will again it started year's ago when my aunty died suddenly and I got on top of it a still went funny but not as bad as I am now it triggered off again wen my dad died suddenly and it's at worst stage were it could possibly be am scared of dying coz they did and scared of ambulances if a see one I after run outa doctors and that awful panic attacks

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

I tell myself that, but i wont accept it alone, i need help and i cant wait to get it ...

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

Sorry for my attitude i just dont feel my best, but thank you so much agora, realize that this will help me because i need a little push every once in a while, i keep getting lost in my thoughts where i forget what to do , and i need someone to bring me to reality

[Agora1 in reply to Kevin160]

I will always try my best Kevin in bringing you to reality. It's what we

all need when we get into that "what if" rut of anxiety. You never have to

say sorry. We are all here to support each other. This is your safe place to

come when overwhelmed.

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much, im just having trouble believing people although i know you guys are right, i just get scared when i even think about how i felt yesterday, it was soo horrible i never felt that frightened and that i have no hope ever, i never want to feel that again but i know that is unlikely , which scares me, and whenever i get physical symptoms or feel terrible, i keep worrying that i will have a heart attack or a stroke although i know its unlikely as well an im healthy, but i just try to ignore the thoughts but then find myself in a spiral of the thoughts of my worst nightmares, i just worry that i will lose control and just go crazy and panic, i really felt like im losing my mind , and now i sympathize with anyone i ever heard about suffering from anxiety without knowing how it felt, whenever i hear a story now i just panic because it remind me of these past few days, i wouldnt wish it on anyone

[ChicagoGirl1961]

You said medication doesn't work anymore. What medication?

[Kevin160 in reply to ChicagoGirl1961]

Meditation not Medication

[Hidden]

Hi Kevin, I just joined. I feel the exact same way you do...I'm glad I am not the only one I thought I was going crazy. I have also been going through very similar situations... I was diagnosed with anxiety in August when I was hospitalized and began taking medication which seemed to work and then around December I felt like I hit rock bottom. I am also still struggling to find a solution as its progressively getting worse and taking a physical toll on my body: headaches, nausea, panic attacks, night terrors almost every day. I can definitely relate as I feel like even talking about how I feel and my symptoms it's always brushed off and my parents just tell me to try to relax, but no one truly knows how you feel on the inside. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out - not sure I can give much advice but if you ever feel like you're alone know that I relate to almost everything you said.

[likachika]

Hey Kevin, I hope you’re doing better. It seems to me like you have “death” OCD and panic disorder. Death OCD is basically exactly like it sounds. Compulsive thoughts about death.

I understand that it’s really frustrating and exhausting to panic for so long. I too have been having panic attacks that last days. I start shaking, having trouble breathing, and my heart races. I end up checking my pulse oximeter (it reads oxygen saturation and pulse), blood pressure, peak flow meter, and spirometer— multiple times a day. It’s becoming very obsessive.

As for you thinking you’re going to die; I’m going through the exact same thing. I always think there is something wrong with my heart. I cannot convince myself otherwise. This is known as “Death” OCD. It’s pretty common. I’ll provide a link to a website that explains it further.

Honestly, it’s going to be hard, but EMDR therapy has been extremely helpful to me for my panic disorder. It’s basically talking about your symptoms, panic and obsession about death, while moving your eyes back and forth; or in my therapist’s case, she uses tappers to vibrate one hand at a time. This is thought to reform memory pathways that have been taken over by stress (ie. a traumatic event, a bad panic attack). Nobody knows exactly how it works, but it has significantly helped 78% of people with panic disorder and PTSD.

Exposure and Response therapy will also greatly benefit the OCD aspect. It will be difficult and anxiety producing, but in the long run I can almost guarantee you’ll feel a lot better. It’s basically exposing yourself to your biggest fear, perhaps by heightening your blood pressure (using exercising and such), and then just forcing yourself not to check it. A therapist will be around to help you if you get too anxious, so you won’t be doing it alone.

You will not die from anxiety. I promise. There is no evidence that panic disorder and heart disease, or even early mortality, are linked. When they say stress can kill people, they don’t mean young, healthy kids. They mean older, overweight people with unhealthy habits. And I guarantee you it’s not the stress that killed them, but decades of unhealthy eating and lack of exercise. The best thing you can do is eat a plant based diet, and exercise often.

I am going through the exact same thing you are. We are both too young to be dealing with this crap, and I’m sorry it’s been tiring for you. Just know, our brain is still developing and will keep doing so until we’re about 25. It may all go away then. Another comforting thought for me is that Google, as well as many other scientists, are trying to achieve immortality between the years 2030-2050. With how much modern day medicine is advancing, death shouldn’t even be a worry at this point. We may live to 200, healthy.

But I hope you will feel better soon. If you need anything, feel free to PM me, as I know exactly what you’re going through. Below are the links to the things discussed in the post. Enjoy

“Death” OCD: psychcentral.com/blog/ocd-a...

EDMR Therapy: emdria.org/page/emdr_therapy

Exposure and Response: iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-tre...

Immortality: google.com/amp/s/amp.news.c...

[masa2333]

Omg are you okay now? I thought you were doing well yesterday

[Kevin160 in reply to masa2333]

Yes i was then yesterday night i was all alone and i just had this massive headache and i had nausea and just freaked out ...

[Kevin160 in reply to masa2333]

It was terrible amd i just felt like im losing my mind, i was terrified that im going crazy ...i couldnt think straight, talk or even move..i just froze and was panicking thinking that i will die and that i will stay like this until i die...it was the worst panic attack i ever had

[Flip00008]

Hey Kevin160, I want you to know that I am praying for you and I hope you find your peace.

[Kevin160 in reply to Flip00008]

Thank you so much ♥️♥️

[AntiSocialSocialClub]

Try not to engage too much with your racing mind. Distracting yourself with repetitive behaviors like folding clothes or just bouncing a ball up and down helps to bring your attention back to the present moment. Even if it feels like forever all feelings will pass given enough time. I hope this passes soon for you.

[Kevin160 in reply to AntiSocialSocialClub]

Well, i think its starting to pass, im distracting myself more because i know i only panic when im alone with my thoughts , i also got back from a break i had so having a routine now where i dont stay up late and just distract myself is doing the job

[AntiSocialSocialClub in reply to Kevin160]

I'm happy to hear it's passing. Take it easy.

[Elfje]

Why you don't talk too a doc

And ask the help you

Meds therapy ?? That help

[Kevin160 in reply to Elfje]

Im planning to start therapy this month , im feeling much better but im not planning not to go, but im not sure whenn, i hit rock bottom and felt the worse i could and it went away and i feel great now, everything is basically back to normal, even when i try to get anxious i dont because i know its not dangerous and i went through alot and it became fine . So im sort of used to it and im not scared of it ..im planning to start therapy because why not maybe he can help me more