my mental health has taken an all tim... - Anxiety and Depre...

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my mental health has taken an all time low, crying a lot in public, expectations

anoniii profile image
10 Replies

I rarely go out because of work but last night i did. then got rejected by a few people because how i looked and carried myself. some person told me i seemed like i was too serious of a person. that person approached me to dance with me but then i guess the questions i started asking were too serious like "what was your longest relationship" im just genuinely curious. people around me would probably say the same because i want people who wont be in my life temporarily. and i get that, and its thing i cant control but whats wrong with deep convos at a night club? everything?

i know i need to start relying on myself more and having less expectation of others because im so sensitive. i truly believe if anyone showed me enough effort id reciprocate and do the same. but at the same time im a walking contradiction and hide in my shell if i feel even the tiniest bit of rejection and its not healthy because im crying a lot. i even cried after a rude guy came up to me and my friend and said he only liked thick women. i took that as a hurtful jab like he was trying to put me down. i started crying like im not a grown adult. how humilating.

he did apologize but im starting to see how superficial the world is. i just want love and im so clingy and unhealthy i push everyone away. gosh im thankful i even still have my best friend and sister who is putting an effort to be a better big sister but i dont want the people in my life to constantly feel like they have to carry the weight of my emotions. i adore the woman in my life. i just am so fragile it makes me sick. why is a good psychotherapist 150+ an hour with no insurance. why is my mental state so fragile? does crying truly scare you guys off when someone is constantly emotional? i want your thoughts.

10 Replies
compasnet profile image
compasnet

Don't ever change

anoniii profile image
anoniii in reply to compasnet

Thank you for the support and comfort.

compasnet profile image
compasnet in reply to anoniii

of course

misslillie profile image
misslillie

I enjoyed happy hours and dancing, but I can't say I ever found a relationships of any substance in a bar. I was looking for love in all the wrong places and I had to compromise myself. If I had it to do over I wouldn't. It didn't diminish the pain. Good luck in your search.

anoniii profile image
anoniii in reply to misslillie

Thank you so much for responding. I do think your experience helped me in my journey to finding better relationships. I appreciate you being on here 🥺

Megapanda profile image
Megapanda

Hello. Personally I wouldn't go to a night club looking for long term relationship as it attracts more of a hook up culture and its way too loud to have meaningful conversations . I don't think there is anything wrong with wanted a relationship and wanting to feel loved . Dealing with rejection is hard in general and even harder especially if you had bad previous experience or any trauma . You want to spend time with the people who like you for who you are and if they are rejecting you then they are not worth your energy . It's impossible to please everyone some people will not like you no matter what and that's a part of life . On the other hand there are people out there who like you for you . It can take while to find and build these relationships so don't give up . I am happy you have a loving sister and best friends. They care about you that is why they are there .

I think it's about balance . Some people in your live you will be able to unload your problems and emotions to and other people can't handle that but you still might get along with .

anoniii profile image
anoniii in reply to Megapanda

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and respond because I really think this was the advice or words I needed to hear. You are truly an angel behind a keyboard and the people in your life are probably really lucky. Thank you 🙏🏼 🥺

designguy profile image
designguy

Sounds like you might benefit from looking at your self-worth and self-esteem. I had social anxiety for years and realized how much of it had to do with my poor self-worth and growing up in an emotionally repressive household. You can find a lot of info on youtube about healing low-self-worth and self-love.

anoniii profile image
anoniii in reply to designguy

ill try that thank you designguy.

designguy profile image
designguy in reply to anoniii

You're welcome, hope it helps.

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