my mental health has taken an all time low, crying a lot in public, expectations

[anoniii]

I rarely go out because of work but last night i did. then got rejected by a few people because how i looked and carried myself. some person told me i seemed like i was too serious of a person. that person approached me to dance with me but then i guess the questions i started asking were too serious like "what was your longest relationship" im just genuinely curious. people around me would probably say the same because i want people who wont be in my life temporarily. and i get that, and its thing i cant control but whats wrong with deep convos at a night club? everything?

i know i need to start relying on myself more and having less expectation of others because im so sensitive. i truly believe if anyone showed me enough effort id reciprocate and do the same. but at the same time im a walking contradiction and hide in my shell if i feel even the tiniest bit of rejection and its not healthy because im crying a lot. i even cried after a rude guy came up to me and my friend and said he only liked thick women. i took that as a hurtful jab like he was trying to put me down. i started crying like im not a grown adult. how humilating.

he did apologize but im starting to see how superficial the world is. i just want love and im so clingy and unhealthy i push everyone away. gosh im thankful i even still have my best friend and sister who is putting an effort to be a better big sister but i dont want the people in my life to constantly feel like they have to carry the weight of my emotions. i adore the woman in my life. i just am so fragile it makes me sick. why is a good psychotherapist 150+ an hour with no insurance. why is my mental state so fragile? does crying truly scare you guys off when someone is constantly emotional? i want your thoughts.

[compasnet]

Don't ever change

[anoniii in reply to compasnet]

Thank you for the support and comfort.

[compasnet in reply to anoniii]

of course

[misslillie]

I enjoyed happy hours and dancing, but I can't say I ever found a relationships of any substance in a bar. I was looking for love in all the wrong places and I had to compromise myself. If I had it to do over I wouldn't. It didn't diminish the pain. Good luck in your search.

[anoniii in reply to misslillie]

Thank you so much for responding. I do think your experience helped me in my journey to finding better relationships. I appreciate you being on here 🥺

[Megapanda]

Hello. Personally I wouldn't go to a night club looking for long term relationship as it attracts more of a hook up culture and its way too loud to have meaningful conversations . I don't think there is anything wrong with wanted a relationship and wanting to feel loved . Dealing with rejection is hard in general and even harder especially if you had bad previous experience or any trauma . You want to spend time with the people who like you for who you are and if they are rejecting you then they are not worth your energy . It's impossible to please everyone some people will not like you no matter what and that's a part of life . On the other hand there are people out there who like you for you . It can take while to find and build these relationships so don't give up . I am happy you have a loving sister and best friends. They care about you that is why they are there .

I think it's about balance . Some people in your live you will be able to unload your problems and emotions to and other people can't handle that but you still might get along with .

[anoniii in reply to Megapanda]

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and respond because I really think this was the advice or words I needed to hear. You are truly an angel behind a keyboard and the people in your life are probably really lucky. Thank you 🙏🏼 🥺

[designguy]

Sounds like you might benefit from looking at your self-worth and self-esteem. I had social anxiety for years and realized how much of it had to do with my poor self-worth and growing up in an emotionally repressive household. You can find a lot of info on youtube about healing low-self-worth and self-love.

[anoniii in reply to designguy]

ill try that thank you designguy.

[designguy in reply to anoniii]

You're welcome, hope it helps.