My afternoon, was pretty s**ty. I really am such a dumb a**. I let people walk over me I Give my all and then feel like its still not enough. My parents just dont understand that Yeah! I make dumb decisions but jezz just is not my f**king fault im depress. to give a little background so im just not ranting of my friend wanted to borrow a hundred dollars I was like ok. He was like ill pay u back soon "blah blah" I have some bad history with this friend not the best of the influences. My parents dont like him because he smokes and got me into smoking but I feel like he understand me . But I know deep down Hes not a good friend because of some messed up stuff hes done to me. my parents got really mad and started yelling I hate when people yell it makes me anxious. so I felt stupid and bad and started thinking everything was my fault (which it was) But Why do I have to be like this. why do I have to care so much. I started cutting again, it eases the pain, I really feel worthless honesty how is it that I can help other but cant help myself.
quote of the day
"I try to make people feel loved and wanted because I know what is like to not feel loves and wanted"
14 Replies
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Oh sweetheart, please stop with the cutting. The way I look at it, there are enough mean and vicious people in this world who love to cut other people down, you don't need to be hurting yourself like that. Maybe you need to think about learning to set boundaries, both with this friend and with your parents. Don't let this friend use you for your money. That's not a true friend. If he keeps bugging you about how much he needs your help financially, all you really have to say is, I'm sorry, but I really can't afford to give it to you. And if he keeps trying, he's just trying to use you and I would ditch that friend. Now with your parents, you may just want to say, Mom and Dad, I understand what your trying to tell me, but you don't need to be so hard on me. Sometimes we teach people how to treat us. You are a beautiful soul and you deserve to be happy just as much as anyone else on this planet. ❤️
I know But I feel dumb because I give people to many chances and I make impulsive decisions. I just wish I could change
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Well the older you get, the wiser you get. You start to be able to see when someone is being manipulative and then you start to think, no, I'm NOT falling for that again!!! Don't be so hard on yourself.
you are NOT a dumb a**. you admit that you let people walk over you. if you can see that about yourself - you are NOT dumb!!!
the real question is - WHY do you let people walk over you? low self-esteem? low self-worth? etc... those things are fixable. i'm gonna roll w/ that as an assumption, but you can replace those words with whatever is accurate.
read this carefully now.... all parents suck at parenting in certain ways. how do i know this? because no one is perfect. i suspect you may have low self-esteem because of some faulty parenting. but your parents are faulty parents - because their parents were faulty too!! so - it's not like they WANT to F you up as a person... (hopefully ) but they're probably doing the best they can do with what they know about themselves right now.
that's a long way of saying - yep - they may not understand you. maybe they can get there, and maybe not - but in the meantime - please look for and reach out to people that do get you, and can help you. i think you've done that by posting here.
k; 'nuf bout your p's... on to you.
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sounds like you already know your friend is NO friend. so why do you continue to let him hang w/ ya? afraid of being alone? - sounds like you'd be better alone than have a friend like him. lack of self respect (that's the only kind of friend i deserve)?? BULLSPIT! you deserve better. and you build your self-respect by doing right BY YOU! not only does that build self respect, but self esteem also! if you respect yourself, other people will respect you too! but if you treat yourself like crap, others will take advantage of you. there are people out there that look for people they can walk over, and they do their best to keep you down, so they can continue to use you.
you fix that - by standing up for yourself.
so you cut yourself? does it hurt? i'll bet you it hurts MORE than the pain of telling that ahole to take a hike!!!
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J - just give it a try - do 1 thing positive for yourself. and after that - see if your need to cut decreases. i'll bet you it does! then - do 1 thing positive for yourself. and then - do 1 more, and 1 more.
take it 1 step at a time - and they don't have to be big steps. tho dumping that "friend" may be a big step; i think it's the best step you can take - and all the rest will be easier in comparison.
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what do you have to lose by trying? 1 friend that's not really a friend? that don't sound like a real loss!
Your right and I really appreciated, I have to stop caring about others and think about myself And like u said I will take small steps and cut that person out of my life.
remember -- each small step you take - you take FOR YOU!!!
FEEL IT - RELISH DOING SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOU!
then... take another step!
That quote that you put described it perfectly.... we want others to feel wanted and cared about we don’t want others to suffer the way we do. But your friend needs to find that in himself. It’s not ever your responsibility and there’s other ways to show someone you care without giving him money...
What you did wasn’t necessarily wrong, and this doesn’t make you dumb at all! You don’t deserve to be yelled at. I’m sorry the yelling has caused stress and anxiety for you. I could see how it would!
But please learn from this experience. Because you are so kind.. people could take advantage of it. Especially “friends” who don’t want to best for you! Was he quick or slow to take that cash? Did he offer to pay you back? This stuff matters because I personally think it shows character. Your love is so precious and it should be offered to those who can reciprocate or you will just be hurt more.. and you are too good of a person to suffer because others put themselves first.
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I feel like I always put other first because it makes me feel like im actually a good person. He also did promise to pay it back but idk how he was gonna do it cuz he owed me money p[previously too .
well. i relate. not on the friend thing but on what you're feeling. the worthless part? where you can't help yourself? yeah. i get that. i'm honestly still not sure how to deal with it. i also really get the part of your parents not understanding. i'm trying to come up with some advice to give you, but it's all coming right back at me, so i'm struggling here.
alright, so, you're not a dumbass. we all go through moments of wanting friends that understand us, it's understandable! money's temporary, you can get it back with a little bit of work, so i wouldn't worry about that too much. What i would say about the friend is leave him. he doesn't exactly sound like the greatest friend, probably using you or something. i know that's not the greatest thing to hear, but i don't want to sugarcoat things for you. as for when your parents are yelling at you, i know what that feels like. i'd say, try to tune it out. retreat emotionally. maybe start thinking of some nice things like your favorite songs or things you've read that you like. i do that all the time, accidentally and on purpose, it literally tunes out the whole world.
as for all of this being your fault. not all of it is your fault. your friend's behavior isn't your fault. sure, you could have had better discernment to see that it wasn't the best idea, but now you know how this feels and what it looks like, so i'm fairly sure you won't let it happen again! and if you do, it's alright, it happens and we're all here for you.
that's about the best advice i could give for now, my head feels like its barely functioning haha. best of luck, i'm here if you need to talk <3
Thank you. Honestly I’m just trying to move on and I feel like on this site people do understand me and I’m not alone. Thank your for being here for me
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) but they're probably doing the best they can do with what they know about themselves right now.
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