My Story

[DogLover91]

Hello all! I've never really shared my story.. If you can relate, have suggestions or anything feel free to comment or message me. Thanks in advance.

My first panic attack and anxiety started when I was 10. I developed a fear of elevators. It made going to places, like doctors, hotels, ect. very difficult. Went to therapy and eventually got over that.

My teenage years were hard. I suffered primarily from depression. I was sexually assulted twice during this time. I also tried to unalive myself twice and, subsequently, I was hospitalized twice as well. I went to therapy and tried numerous medications, some of which include wellbutrin, abilify, zoloft, etc. Many gave me adverse side effects. I got on a good path, finally, and resumed what most would call a normal life. In my early twenties, I was actually medication free and enjoying life.

In my mid twenties, my anxiety came back with a vengeance. I was having cycling panic attacks thay were so incredibly uncomfortable and painful. I couldn't be alone, I didn't feel comfortable going out, borderline agoraphobia. An example was is one of my parents had to use the restroom, I would need the other in the room for those two minutes they were gone. I couldn't hold a job. It was a major factor in ending my marriage. All of this happening, led to my depression coming back. I found a therapist and was put on Lexapro, Wellbutrin, and Klonapin.

It took time, but after about a year, I was ok to be alone, got a job, and met the wonderful man I'm with today. I still couldnt drive myself more than a mile from my house (fear of traffic, fear of having a panic attack while driving, fear of being stuck). When I hit 30, idk if my body changed but, I began having an adverse reaction to the Wellbutrin. I had thoughts of harming myself. I was taken off that medication. I continued to slowly get better and was able to go farther, in terms of travel, still just able to drive a mile from my house. However, my boyfriend and I began pushing my boundaries of going places together. First, 5 miles, then 10 miles, eventually about 100 miles from home. It was amazing. I started feeling "normal" again.

This year, I had a major slide back down. I have begun having cycling panic attacks again. Having panic attacks when we try to go somewhere more than a couple minutes from the house. I feel so defeated, frustrated, depressed, and angry. I was doing to well and now I feel ask if I'm back at square one. Idk how to do it all over again. It took so many years of trying. I also feel horrible for my partner. I'm trying to find ways to stop the panic attacks from happening and/or cycling. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much for reading!

[Hidden]

It sounds like you've been through a lot over the years and you keep on going and keep trying. That's good. I guess my first question is are you seeing a psychiatrist and/or a therapist? If not, I would do that. As we get older our body chemistry changes (hormones and stuff) so you may need a different type of medication. There are lots of books you can read about anxiety too. Check your local library. I am reading "Rewire Your Anxious Brain" and it's really good had has lots of helpful information. The people here on this group are also full of helpful information and support. I hope you start to feel better soon.

[DogLover91 in reply to Hidden]

I have both a psychiatrist and a therapist. I don't know if my psychiatrist is the best. Sometimes I feel unheard or like she doesn't understand how im feeling and, therefore, doesn't prescribed according. I'll definitely look into that book you suggested and others like it. I truly appreciate your help!

[tommy2toes]

can I ask a question? I am interested is your handle? Do you actually have a dog? If so, does it offer you anything in the way of reassurance? If not, are there therapy dogs available that might help with your anxiety?

[DogLover91 in reply to tommy2toes]

I have two dogs. They definitely help to a certain extent; however, sometimes I'm spiraling too much to focus on anything else. The interesting thing is I got them in different stages of life and they reflect that. One I got when I was doing great and off medication, so he's fearless and ready to conquer the world. The other, I got when I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and she's a very cautious and weary dog. I think they do have therapy dogs, but I'm not 100% sure. Thanks for the questions! I love talking about my animals. 🙂

[Hidden in reply to tommy2toes]

I have a dog and it is a huge help. I think therapy dogs are a great idea. I got my first dog in 1999 and at one point had 3 dogs but then was down to 2 until Aug 2022 when my heart dog (my best favorite dog ever!) died. I have 1 dog left and although I love her, she's not my heart dog. He was one of a kind, so smart, well trained, handsome, just the best. My heart still misses him terribly. My 1 dog is 12 and she has some health problems so I know I only have 2 or 3 more years with her. Most GSP's don't live past age 15. Ugh, it hurts to write that. At my age though, I won't get any more dogs. It hurts too much when they die and they are expensive to maintain with food, regular heartworm treatments, etc. and this current dog has liver problems so expensive blood tests and medications, etc. But if you are younger, I would definitely recommend you get a dog and make sure it gets trained. Take it to puppy training and basic manners at least. Just my 2 cents. I hope you are well today.

[RoanyMule]

Stay off the meds. Find someone to talk to or a group to join. If they suggest meds again, look online at the recent news about antidepressants. Everything has changed.