Idk just need to connect

[h_mayhem]

Idk if this will even reach anybody, I guess I was just in need to connect with others that may be going thru the same things as me. I have had anxiety since I can remember, I remember feelings of fear and anxiety when I was as young as 7. It’s been a part of me for so long there was a time when I thought it was normal to live this way, over thinking everything, feeling like everyone is judging me, feeling like even going into the store at times just to grab something real quick is overwhelming. Feeling like I wish I was invisible or that my presence could just go unnoticed. Feeling like things that should be fun for a 26 yr old are stressful and sometimes even agonizing. I’ve been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was in therapy for a short time. But my therapist was transferred and the drive it takes to go see her now I have to get on a freeway and you guessed it !! Freeways give me horrible feelings. Idk I just feel pathetic, I feel like why can’t I just be normal?!?? Why do I have to live in my head so much?? I envy those that can get thru normal day to day life without overly stressing. I can’t even put my self out there to go get a job becuz i freeze up like a deer in headlights and feel so so so stupid afterwards. Recently I’ve been experiencing panic attacks, always had anxiety but now I get panic attacks yay! I had to get on a plane to travel with my 86 yr old gma to a family wedding and as soon as I sat down in my seat I felt like I was going to die, I had to concentrate on my breathing for a good 30 mins. I also had a panic attack from simply walking into a shopping mall the other day. It’s a horrible feeling, the world around me gets hazy I feel weird and like I’m about to pass out, I feel disconnected from myself and like I’m losing control it’s a horrible horrible horrible feeling that I’m so afraid of. Anyways I’m rambling idk not looking for answers just looking for a community of those that can relate idk??

[SantoRyu]

Heya!

I am 31 years old and I’ve had anxiety since before I was of age to go to school. I didn’t know that anything was wrong or off with me until I was much older..honestly...I just came to terms with things the past few years.

My anxiety, depression, and ptsd have worsened to the point that I’m now looking to give medication and talk therapy a real go. I am also unable to work at this time as I cannot hold a job. Eventually,I just shut down and I cannot function day to day.

The other day...I had an anxiety attack that lasted throughout the night. I cried. I wanted to give up.

I just take it day by day.

[h_mayhem in reply to SantoRyu]

Thank you so much for replying it means so much to me!!! I also just try to take it day by day, some days are manageable and some days I feel like I can’t even leave the house. Its comforting to know I’m not alone in this. Thank you thank you thank you. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here.

[quieturban]

Hey I feel that way too. I’ve got many issues that I think lead up to that. Have you considered joining a support group with like minded people. Maybe if you connect with people who experience the same things you might gain confidence overtime. It might help you never know. Hope things get better.

[h_mayhem in reply to quieturban]

Thank you for your reply! I have actually looked into support groups in my area but I can’t seem to find any that are for anxiety which is what led me to join this website. Thank you for reaching out to me I hope things get better for you also!! And I’m here if you ever need someone!!

[quieturban in reply to h_mayhem]

Thank you. I’m in a dark mess right now myself. Have some tough decisions to make. It just hard when you do care about the person but then they acting stupid. I have to start putting myself first.

[h_mayhem in reply to quieturban]

I feel that. And sometimes putting yourself first is challenging especially when you care about and/or love someone. Idk what exactly you’re going thru but I truly hope you find your way thru it. Stay strong there’s always light at the end of the tunnel even tho it’s hard to see. Much love

[Tedddy]

I'm so sorry you experience this too. Those who don't suffer from anxiety have no idea the toll it takes on us. What are your coping techniques? I've found grounding myself to be helpful, especially while flying. I name five things I see, four things I can touch, three things I smell, etc. Getting my senses helps bring me back to the present moment. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this too, it's so hard.

[h_mayhem in reply to Tedddy]

Thank you so much for your reply !! And you’re absolutely right a lot of people don’t understand what it feels like so it makes it very hard to have healthy relationships with friends and family. To the point where I would rather be alone all the time than have to try and explain why I am the way I am. I have very few close relationships and I’ve found having friends is hard becuz I’m not spontaneous and “fun” Its hard to find people who understand. I’ve tried grounding and it is helpful, when I was experiencing my panic attack on the plane I just tried to focus on small details and stuff and belly breathes help a bit to. It’s where you put your hand on your belly and breathe with your belly instead of your chest. When I’m feeling a panic attack come on I also try to repeat a mantra over and over and over again in my head like “I can handle whatever life throws my way, I can handle whatever life throws my way....” with day to day anxiety I just try to think positive and listening to music helps or writing. Any kind of distraction. Unfortunately a lot of things that help my anxiety cause me to be alone and I’ve got to the point I prefer to be alone than around people which I know isn’t super healthy. It’s a struggle and some days are better than others. Thanks for reaching out, if you ever need someone I’m here!!

[SantoRyu in reply to h_mayhem]

Hey. I can relate to the wanting to be alone. I also feel that it isn't healthy but...I kind of feel it's where I need to be right now.

I always constantly worry about others and what they are thinking/feeling in regards to me and it can be a huge drain. I totally realize that this isn't their fault...it's mine or really...my brain's fault. I have some friends and some degree of a social life but I feel like...right now I need to get comfortable with myself and then I can branch out more. It's my decision. It can be lonely but I feel confident that I made the right decision.

[h_mayhem in reply to SantoRyu]

If you feel like you need to be alone than do it. Just don’t forget to reach out when you start to feel lonely. It can be hard to be social and stuff when inside you’re not okay. And I also have those worries to, you’re not alone in that, I overthink when it comes to other people waaay too much. sometimes I feel like people don’t love me the way I love them and I have a habit of sabotaging friendships becuz I either feel like I’m too different and get distant or I don’t feel like they truly care. Ugh. Being in my brain is exhausting. But I also think the fact that people like us are great on our own is a special strength. I know people that constantly need others around and I’m sooo not like that, I start to feel overwhelmed when I’m around people too much. At least we can be alone and enjoy it. Thankfully my best friend is also my boyfriend and he struggles with anxiety a bit too so it’s good to have at least one person in this world that is there for you. Do what feels right for you, but don’t forget to reach out. I’m here for you and I’m sure there’s people in your life that are too even if they might not fully understand what you’re feeling. Much love

[Tedddy]

Thank you! I totally get it. I know what you mean about few close friends, I feel like they get sick of how "sensitive" or "emotional" I am, but those are just symptoms of the bigger issue. I am trying! But you know what, I'd rather have two close friends than 100 who don't understand me or have any empathy for my illness. The belly breathing is a good one! I like that mantra, I should try that one, too.

[h_mayhem in reply to Tedddy]

Yup I’ve been called sensitive and all that to!! I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes you just feel like you have to put on a front and it’s exhausting when inside you’re not okay. We’re all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got. Reaching out and connecting with others who know how I feel has been really helpful! Thanks again

[Marisa04]

Hi sweetie! you're not alone! I've had anxiety for about 5 yrs now and it's horrible!. I'm on medication and see a counselor and I take it day by day, even minute by minute sometimes. I find praying and guided meditation have helped a lot! It just makes me calm down and step outside of myself and have learned to manage it just a little. I'm hoping to learn to manage it completely one day. God bless you and I am always here to talk. Will pray for you!

[h_mayhem in reply to Marisa04]

Thank you for your reply and support. I really appreciate you!!! It is comforting to know we are not alone in this struggle! Much love

[Shutterbug65]

Well you found the right community. Welcome. I know exactly how you feel. I’ve had anxiety disorder since I was a child. I was raised by my Grandparents and never wanted to be away from them. If I had to give a report in front of the class at school I would rather take an F. I never liked going to parties or doing anything social when I was young, I still don’t. The list goes on.

So I urge you to get into counseling or something. Don’t let it go on, it’s very treatable. I wish I did, anxiety and depression have taken so much of my life. And now I find myself unhappy and alone.

I’m in my early 50’s. Time goes by very fast.

[h_mayhem in reply to Shutterbug65]

That sounds just like me, I hated getting up in front of the class !! I tried counseling and it helped a little bit but I haven’t been back for a couple months becuz my therapist was transferred. It’s a struggle and some days are better than others. I’m so sorry you’ve also struggled with this. Just know you’re not alone!! If you ever need someone to talk to I am here!!