My Story ThroughMyEyes

I am new here, and here is my story!

I have always suffered from anxiety and panic attacks every since I was a young kid. My dad was abusive towards me, my brother, and my mom to the point of where I would dread going home and every loud noise would cause me to get nervous.

As life went on I learned to manage my anxiety but I had to manage this all on my own as I had no support system when I was younger. I was able to stave off my anxiety attacks and talk myself out of having them until about a month ago.

It all started about a week after losing the only job I have ever truly loved due to a situation that was out of my control. The first symptom happened when I was at my moms house and went outside to get something out of the car and all of the sudden I felt like nothing was real and everything around me was just a dream which was followed by an intense panic attack. I have never experienced anything like this before in my life and I have still not been able to overcome this anxiety which has now caused me to develop Agoraphobia, which I am assuming is caused because the incident first happened when I was outside and now everytime I think about gong anywhere I start to panic.

I have tried to talk to my wife and family about what I am going through but they don't understand and my wife has threatened on multiple occasions to leave me. I worry everyday that she is falling out of love with me because of this and I worry that I am scaring my kids. All of which causes my anxiety to get worse and causes more vivid bad dreams which is causing me to wake up feeling like I am still in that dream and when I have a bad dream it is always of something happening while I am outside of the house which causes me to fear going outside even more.

I am reaching out to people in the community for support because I have lost all support from my family. The last time I talked to my wife about it, this morning, she said that I needed to admit myself into a psych ward or she would sign me into one and not sign me out until I am back to normal.... I need help before I lose everything that I have ever loved!

Please be patient with my explanation as it is also hard for me to understand what is going on with me and it took a lot of courage for me to talk about what I am experiencing.

[jiyanmi]

I’m sorry that you have to go through that phase. The circumstances are overwhelming but it isn’t your fault why all of those are happening. All I can say for now is that stay strong and focus only on the things that you can control. Talk to your friends. I believe there is always this one friend (may it be your best friend or not) who will listen to you and understand you without prejudice. 🙂

[Hidden in reply to jiyanmi]

Thank you for responding, it is nice to know that someone actually cares about my situation and thank you for the suggestions I will try to get more grounded using this info.

[jiyanmi in reply to Hidden]

You’re welcome. I’m just sharing what helps me when I have my episodes.

[ChicagoGirl1961]

Have a doctor? Go see him, today. Explain your symptoms to him. There are meds he can prescribe to help with anxiety. Then consider seeing a therapist to help you get past this. Good luck and be well

[Hidden in reply to ChicagoGirl1961]

Unfortunately due to me not having access to health insurance I am unable to go to a doctor. There is also no free clinics in my area so I am stuck trying to face this without any medical help. I used to have insurance up until about a year ago but after I lost it I also lost access to my doctor and therapist.

[Agora1]

Welcome to this amazing support site. It's unfortunate "ThroughMyEyes" that the people

who love us the most cannot understand what we are going through and so dismiss it as

being crazy. There is however, a rational explanation in those of us who have overwhelming anxiety for whatever reason (there always is a reason). When our stresses

become our main focus, the world becomes a threat to us. We want to run and hide but

the problem isn't outside, it's in our mind. One of the 5 highest Life Stressors is losing one's job. The fact that you carried anxiety with you all of your life, set you up to be more

vulnerable to this stress. Put that together with threats of people leaving you because of

this issue and you become completely lost and want to hide. (Basically from the insecurity

you feel and the loneliness of not being understood)

That is about to end for you now. You have come to a safe place to express your fears without any judgment or ridicule. We more than understand. I too became Agoraphobic

when my stress levels got far above my hiding them anymore.

You did take the first step in reaching out to a support group that may help you. I understand your position regarding health insurance. As much as we cannot provide

professional help, we can help by sharing our own life experiences. There are many of

us who have Agoraphobia or have been through a bout of it. There are many helpful

videos on YouTube that you can use with regards to Relaxation Techniques as well as

helpful steps in moving forward. One step at a time. Get to know the people in this group. With that, you will be able to take away some helpful advice. I wish you well.