Scared. Mind is racing. Mom needs heart surgery.

[Figgins42]

I've posted before kind of on this topic but since I've become more agoraphobic and neurotic and shut down and hiding in my house.

My mom needs heart surgery. She is my best friend. She is 82. I am 47. I don't have a partner or kids. I have a brother. He helps sometimes but he isn't completely emotionally supportive.

For the surgery we need to travel. Right there I'm out of my comfort zone. I feel like I'm being selfish but I'm afraid I'm going to be so anxious that I'll get sick when we're at the hospital. Oh that's another phobia I've been having. That I'll get my Mom to the hospital and then I'll get sick with a cold or respiratory illness and not be able to function or help and I'll have no one to help me because she's the only one that does help me.

She needs me and all I can think about is anxious the whole situation is going to make me. I feel like a selfish jerk.

I don't know if I should stay with her (if they let me) or go back to the hotel. I honestly feel like I don't know how to do things like this on my own. Sometimes I have trouble getting food for myself.

My anxiety has been terrible. More Valium does very little. Why can I just be optimistic and functional?

Why can't I stop obsessing on this?

Please help if you can 💜

[davidthecoder]

Hey Fig,

So I wrote you back but thought I would add some more support here since I just saw your post. You added some more details here that I can also relate too.

Specifically, you mentioned the anxiety about catching a respiratory illness at the hospital. This has been a major challenge for me as well, my agoraphobia and anxiety really took off during COVID. So this is something I especially understand.

Whether you should stay in the hospital and risk exposure is a tough call. Have you been vaccinated with the updated COVID shot that came out a few months ago? And the flu vaccine? If yes on to both of those, I think you will be pretty well protected. You can also wear an N95 mask (the company 3M makes great ones). Also might be an option to do most of the waiting outside of the hospital rather than being around large groups of people that are also probably maskless and coughing. Then you can just go inside when you are able to actually be with your mom and not hang around the crowds for too long. I'd say it is a good idea to avoid those settings if you are concerned about getting sick.

Also like I mentioned in my message to you, I believe that almost everyone would also feel very anxious about this. I am just hoping that it all goes well for your mom in her surgery. They are pretty good at performing these successfully these days, especially in the United States.

[gajh]

My heart goes out to you. Just know that we will all be here for you when you are going through it. Keep us posted. I wish you and your Mom the very best. I can totally understand your fear.

[Figgins42]

I appreciate your reply. I can't wait outside for her. She needs to know I'm there and I need to be there for updates. I will take your advice and maybe step outside here and there for fresh air. And I will mask for sure. Thank you for your support.