Constant anxiety. Scared for the future. Mom strikes again

[Against_the_current]

So rn im sick and with a sprained knee. I thought it's bad but probably it's not because I have excuse to be home. I'm worried where i will live when i heal and when i graduate. I haven't thrown the rubbish in my accommodation since i hit my leg. I didn't know i was going to hit my leg. On the other side at home mom's triggering. She's always saying she drinks beer which is low concentration and cheaper and i noticed her drinking something darker. I was already anxious because my bf told me his ex is agresssively stalking him and spamming him and i was already anxious. I went to see what mom's drinking. Wine. She caught me and i lied i was going for water. She got furious. Said it was lettuce juice (it's not) and made me drink lettuce juice (glad i dodged it) and said I'm a drug addict because of my anxiety medication and if i stop my medication she will stop, she's alone/single, she's a slave since i was born, i lay all day while she works and serves me. I was going to throw up and sis tried to help me but mom stopped her.... Now im kinda calm, two days passed, so please don't trigger me. Still wondering whether i should get BetterHelp or some other therapy. I have no income and i worry for when i will graduate. My sister is also growing up and will need money for college. This also worries me as i want her. I can't stop stressing and i need to in sake of my recovery and not being hyper vigilant with mom. Dad scoldee me to not interfere with mom and sis private lives so much. Idk how mom knew i was texting dad but she was mad. I changed my password hope it works. My bf has been telling me im online when im asleep. Maybe im paranoid. Idk but id rather not stress about it rn.

[CLB1125]

I used BetterHelp and had a very attentive therapist. I only stopped using it when my husband retired and I could no longer pay for the sessions.

I’m trying to trigger you, sorry if this upsets you, it’s not my intention. Have you considered in patient therapy? You would be away from all the drama at home and could concentrate on just you. It’s just a suggestion.

[Against_the_current in reply to CLB1125]

What therapy?

[CLB1125 in reply to Against_the_current]

Where you go to a hospital and stay as a patient. Then you could concentrate on just you getting better.

[Against_the_current in reply to CLB1125]

In my country i would get no therapy being hospitalised. Just another infection, poor hygiene and being locked

[GottaDance]

Dear Against_the_current - So sorry to hear you are struggling, but glad that you are not alone! We are all struggling together here.

Sounds like you would do better living somewhere more peaceful, away from family stress. To accomplish that will take time and effort. You write "when I graduate" - if that means from high school or college, it should qualify you for employment. There is a simple but effective vocational interest inventory test that should be available at your HS or college. It will indicate different kinds of jobs that you would be successful at, and might indicate a path forward for you. In the mean time, have you tried anti-anxiety medication to manage your emotions? Don't try to make decisions or solve problems when you are in a negative mood. Slow breathing, regular exercise and better sleep can help calm you down. Then stress is easier to cope with and things seem clearer, so you can be more effective.

Best wishes for a better day today and every day!

[Against_the_current in reply to GottaDance]

Thank you. I'm graduating university and in my country they don't care about us. Right now sick and sprained knee and anxiety and cptsd, I'm on medication for and because of my medication my mom called me a drug addict

[SoporRose]

AtC,

I'm sorry life at your mom's house is still so crazy.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you. I wonder whether i have better options. It's hell or hell