Too much!!

[PuppyN]

Hi everyone. Oh there's a lot that I'd like to share as such I might be all over the place but I'll start small.

I'm not professionally diagnosed with anxiety or depression but I am definitely experiencing one or both but mostly I believe it's anxiety.

I am an honors student and oh boy I feel like I've lost it.

I believe I am exhausted because immediately after High School I went to University and it's been 8 years now.

My undergrad was supposed to take 4 years but I took 6😢, still had to do a bridging course before I could do my honors.

Now my honors are so difficult and I just feel like a failure. I'm soooo anxious about not making it this year.

I have about two weeks till my final exams and it feels like my brain is not retaining any information everything just feels new. I also have this "friend" that's always complaining about getting a 55% whilst I'm struggling to get a 40% and I've been putting the work from the beginning of the year but that's not making any difference.

I also feel like I was once depressed but just didn't realize because I have such a poor memory and that is not helping in my studies, hence everything just feels new.

On the other hand, I have a very hard time expressing myself.

I always feel like no one understands me.

I have a boyfriend, and he made fun of my Journaling. He also shared me being anxious about meeting his family with someone that he doesn't even consider a friend.

My honors are know in my country as CTA Certificate of Theory in Accounting and oh they are known as being one of the hardest courses and all I needed this year was support and understanding but nope it's just not like that.

Last year I tried the Student Counseling Unit at my University but it just didn't work. The lady would even forget what we talked about last week or she'd keep rescheduling and that just didn't sit well with me.

Just another reason why I'm anxious and want to pass so bad this year, is so I can get a job and afford to pay for proper therapy sessions because I am literally damaged on the inside and I can't even explain it to and as such no one understands.

For now, Bye Everyone.

[ArcobalenoChibi]

Have you tried online therapy? There are now apps that can connect you with a licensed therapist.

I’m sorry your boyfriend makes fun of you. Not cool. Journaling is a great way to move through what you’re feeling and experiencing at the time. I journal. It’s one of my favorite things to do. Very therapeutic. I also like to exercise. When I was grieving I turned to exercise to help me cope. It helped me from getting more depressed.

I think some people like myself tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves. Maybe try looking into workbooks by a licensed therapist. When I can’t be in my therapist office I do workbooks and cards. I have DBT cards. Dialectical Behavior Therapy cards to help me cope. I also do affirmations. I write out positive statements to help me through the negativity in my life.

So, for example, I was feeling like a bad wife for not living up to my own and my husband’s expectations when it came to completing chores. So, I wrote our positive statements to help me .

“I am capable. “

“ If I don’t meet my expectations I don’t have to feel like a failure.”

“ I am successful.”

Hope this helps. ❤️

[PuppyN in reply to ArcobalenoChibi]

Hello AcrobelanoChibi.Thank you for your reply.

I've never heard of the workbooks and the cards, I will take a look at them to get her with the online theparists.

I am beginning to realise that I also put too much pressure on myself and overlooking everything else that I've achieved.

However, I am glad that I shared how I feel here with you guys and I appreciate the feedback because it has made me see things from a different perspective.

Thank you so much.

❤️

[PuppyN]

Thank you so much catloverforlife50.I think I should try and admire my dedication as well.

[PuppyN]

Hello Taosh,

Thank you so much for your reply.

I've just been trying to self diagnos without realizing that anxiety is actual a part of our existence.

I appreciate you noticing my hard work and dedication to, you've mentioned some charactistics that I've never associated myself with and I really appreciate that that's what you 'see' in me.

I am constantly looking for options that I can use to help me in any way and I will continue doing so.

Thank you so much

[Bella_lee]

Hi @PuppyN hope you're doing okay. Exams can take their toll on anyone and I can understand how you're feeling but please stay strong don't let the anxious thoughts get the upper hand.

I want to encourage you to remember that no matter what has happened in the past, you have been wonderfully created with so much potential and capability.

Wish you all the best with your exams and praying that the very near future brings you peace of mind and wisdom for all your decisions.