Birthday thoughts

[Kevin160]

My birthday was this week, and i just felt like talking about the experience of having your birthday while dealing with an anxiety disorder, while locked up in a pandemic.

A mixture of scary thoughts always come over me annualy, although i no longer really care about who brings me gifts or who says happy birthday, you feel silly once you realize how ridiculous things you cared for are, and the real importance of family, im just focusing on being grateful for making it another year, the birthday blues and anxiety usually come the night before, i find myself anxious for no apparent reason, and get some negative and scary thoughts.

However, Im so grateful i have people, few yet wonderful people who reminded me that im cared for even when i dont always feel that way, our minds can really make us feel like we arent worthy sometimes and we need to remember, thoughts are just thoughts, sounds hypocritical coming from me, the king of overthinking ,just bear with me .

Just wanted to tell myself that i am proud of everything i dealt through this year, since last febraury, this anxiety filled human was able to do so much i never really thought i would be able to do, it might sound extremely narcissistic , i promise im not like this, but i advice you to do that, praise yourself, know that youre dealing with alot and doing well, it feels good to write down things like “i graduated” “i got lazik eye surgery that always scared me and i didnt get a panic attack doing it” (story for later), “i got honors in my first year in university” , or even things like “i took a shower and cleaned my room and exercised on a day i felt horrible” , anything works.

So if you are hard on yourself today, remember, your life can be completely changed overnight, and thats not a bad thing, dont fear it, youre in control, you will be ok.

Whatever happens wont be changed according to how you react to it, let me explain, if youre happy ,good and bad things will happen, if youre anxious good and bad things will also happen, but neither are temporary, which is sad and hope filling at the same time, its really hard, and it takes everything in me sometimes to calm a simple thought, but realization like this helps, whatever i do, i cant stop time, i cant change it, so i try my hardest to just calm myself and not give into any irrational thoughts.

I guess i drifted a bit, have a good day everyone, kindest regards, from someone who is no longer a teenager #20

[Starrlight]

😊 Happy belated birthday!!!!! 😊

[Kevin160 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you so much ❤️

[Fumble]

Belated Happy Birthday

You should be proud, you have made great progress in the last year and achieved a lot.

[Kevin160 in reply to Fumble]

This means alot thank you ❤️

[newbie1956]

So good to get this update. It's so encouraging!

I'm very proud of you, Kevin !

🎉 God is good.

[Kevin160 in reply to newbie1956]

Yes he is ❤️

[lena16]

Happy belated birthday! And its not narcissistic to feel proud of yourself so go ahead and talk about it! I’m so happy for you and I wish you the best!

[Kevin160 in reply to lena16]

Yeah sometimes it feels that way for me, or it feels like im making excuses for the tougher things i cant do, but yes we should always be proud of ourselves, thank you so much ❤️❤️

[Agora1]

Hi Kevin Belated Happy Birthday!

Sounds like you put last year to good use in moving forward despite anxiety and

the Pandemic. Good for you. I like your thoughts in realizing what's important

in life. It's been a rude awakening for all of us but hopefully we learn more about ourselves

during hard times. I hope you did enjoy your special day. Best wishes during this coming year. xx

[Kevin160 in reply to Agora1]

Awh this means so much coming from you, my day really wasnt that special but i wouldnt want it to go any other way, especially during a pandemic, this oast year really humbled me, i learned alot and built myself all over again, focusd on how i was treated by some people and how i treated back, both things needed to change, and knowing whats important and what isnt , im still really struggling but im trying so hard to not rush things and live day by day, its extremely difficult not to panic and work through the obsessive thoughts at times but im trying.

Again thank you for your kind wishes❤️❤️