My birthday was this week, and i just felt like talking about the experience of having your birthday while dealing with an anxiety disorder, while locked up in a pandemic.
A mixture of scary thoughts always come over me annualy, although i no longer really care about who brings me gifts or who says happy birthday, you feel silly once you realize how ridiculous things you cared for are, and the real importance of family, im just focusing on being grateful for making it another year, the birthday blues and anxiety usually come the night before, i find myself anxious for no apparent reason, and get some negative and scary thoughts.
However, Im so grateful i have people, few yet wonderful people who reminded me that im cared for even when i dont always feel that way, our minds can really make us feel like we arent worthy sometimes and we need to remember, thoughts are just thoughts, sounds hypocritical coming from me, the king of overthinking ,just bear with me .
Just wanted to tell myself that i am proud of everything i dealt through this year, since last febraury, this anxiety filled human was able to do so much i never really thought i would be able to do, it might sound extremely narcissistic , i promise im not like this, but i advice you to do that, praise yourself, know that youre dealing with alot and doing well, it feels good to write down things like “i graduated” “i got lazik eye surgery that always scared me and i didnt get a panic attack doing it” (story for later), “i got honors in my first year in university” , or even things like “i took a shower and cleaned my room and exercised on a day i felt horrible” , anything works.
So if you are hard on yourself today, remember, your life can be completely changed overnight, and thats not a bad thing, dont fear it, youre in control, you will be ok.
Whatever happens wont be changed according to how you react to it, let me explain, if youre happy ,good and bad things will happen, if youre anxious good and bad things will also happen, but neither are temporary, which is sad and hope filling at the same time, its really hard, and it takes everything in me sometimes to calm a simple thought, but realization like this helps, whatever i do, i cant stop time, i cant change it, so i try my hardest to just calm myself and not give into any irrational thoughts.
I guess i drifted a bit, have a good day everyone, kindest regards, from someone who is no longer a teenager #20
xx
Bad thoughts
Tough Thursday thoughts.
Intrusive thoughts😢
