odd feeling today

[CLB1125]

I have this awful feeling of doom today. The depression showing up in new form? I don’t know. I have in my head I won’t be here this time next year. Maybe it’s wishful thinking?? I am tired of dealing with my spouse’s attitude. I think I’m seeing the start of dementia in him. It scares me. I know he will be a mean sonofabitch if he does get it. He’s already a moody ignorant ass most of the time anymore. I think 40 years of marriage to be treated like crap now, what was it all for? I love him but I hate the way he treats me. Maybe he doesn’t love me and feels trapped here. I don’t know…. I’m rambling. I don’t like this feeling. I’m tired but yet can’t sleep. I want to work on my projects but can’t. I just keep wandering

[Hidden]

My hip muscle hurting - side - but makes me think of boom won't be here too. But I'm working and have to work or I'll go crazy. I have Netflix as interest - a few divorcee series but a lot of romantic series. It's okay seen parent's life and that has been full of ups and downs and they argue alot but being together they simply love it and they like arguing. Romance means different things in people eye for everyday folks. I don't have because divorcee and very lonely

I am so afraid to lose my parents even though all they do is argue with me

Don't they say opposites attract - my parents

[CLB1125 in reply to Hidden]

That’s what they say can’t live with them and can’t live without them! Cherish your parents while you have them. When it’s too much go somewhere they are not. I lost my parents and I miss them every day. You don’t know what you had until it’s gone.

[BrightApril]

Be here now. It's a book title but it's also good advice. I too am feeling unwell. And when depressions hijacks our minds, we must not go into the future. We must practice being in this moment CLB1125. And if you are seeing your husband's possible medical diagnosis correctly, think of how he is suffering. (My former partner and lifetime friend has it and is now in a nursing home.) Practice with me - "I am here in this now moment and will not peer into a future I cannot know". Peace and Love

[CLB1125 in reply to BrightApril]

Thank you

[catsrock]

Just want you to know you are not alone in having these feelings.

[CLB1125 in reply to catsrock]

Thank you

[BS-ZIG]

Hi CLB1125,

I normally do not post much but your article is exactly my life! I know the feeling very well. I am in the exact same boat except my husband is home. And it is scary and horrible to be around. Furthermore his family does not live near and my family does not live here either. So I really have no backup support for myself! Or anyone to try and talk to him. If I said something, they would not believe me but also they are not with my husband 24/7 or ever. I see my husband slowly disengaging. Good luck to you….

[CLB1125 in reply to BS-ZIG]

My husband is retired and here every day. It was tolerable when he was working. Now I have no time to myself. Both of our parents are gone now. He lost his mom 2 months ago but he had quit talking to his whole family after his dad passed 6 years ago. I have no one to consult with about him now. Just our kids. I know they will back me up when the time comes but when do you know it’s time?

[BS-ZIG]

My husband retired in 2017. He has been home 24/7 since. Both of our parents have passed years ago. I have no idea when it is time! My husband says nothing is wrong with him and now days everything is my fault. He will follow me around in the kitchen and it seems like any move I make he is complaining and anytime I do a thing he is right behind me going over and says I cannot do it as good as he can. I have an appointment with my doctor this week to ask for some tranquilizers. I need something. He is growing more OCD by the day. My husbands mother died of Alzheimer’s very young. And my husband actually carries the gene, 2 of them. But nothing is wrong with him. It is me.