Heartbroken

[Laris_c]

Hello, I’m new here. I don’t know where to start, well, since my childhood I always had problems with depression, I cut myself and always wanted to die. I consider myself a very weak person especially on emotional issues, I suffer for everything, but I don’t express to anyone what I feel, I suffer alone. I have a friend since 8 years ago, and a year ago he invited me to go out, I drink a little bit, and that night I had sex with him, it was my first time, and we continue with that relationship. But an important fact: he is married. I know I shouldn’t continue with him, but I fell madly in love. Last week he told me that he want to finish it because he couldn’t keep me in this relationship that had no future. I know he’s right, but what can I do? I’m in love. I think he used me now I don’t know what to do, I want to just die. Since that day I feel a pressure in my chest, as if I’m going to have a heart attack, and I can’t breathe, I feel like I’m going to die. I’ve always been so close to him, and I don’t know how to separate myself from him.

[Hidden]

Hello Heartbroken!

Welcome to this forum! I want to tell you that personally, I could fall madly in love with someone almost every day if I allowed myself to! Understanding the boundaries in life is essential to a healthy mind. I don’t fall in love with men because I’m married. I made that choice. You also must make a choice...it almost sounds like you’re justifying the relationship because you “fell in love.” Not hard to do. The hard part is knowing what’s right for you, and it sounds like this affair isn’t right. The #1 rule is to leave married people alone and realize that they’re not truly emotionally available. I wish you success in getting out of said relationship and moving on to healthier ones!

[fauxartist]

I agree 100% with GratitudeFirst....they’re not truly emotionally available. And that is something you have to honestly ask yourself....am I in love with the fantasy of what I was wanting and hoping for, but was never really there for me to have. You knew from day one this person was married....you've known for years. So that is a deal breaker in my books....Get some therapy on dealing with why you would approach emotionally unavailable people and what is going on in your life, find out who you are. Many people want an easy out of any possible commitment in relationships with married people. They get what they want and don't care about the moral implications. Then there are others who just get caught up in a friendship and take it a step too far, and it's a dead end before you even began.

[AZ1970]

Abandonment is my biggest isssue. It feels like death. You deserve more than a man who cannot commit to you. I know you love be him and he fills the hole in your heart. But that isn’t love. This will be hard to walk through. Lean on us. Lean on friends or family if you can. If you want to be really brave, walk away first. Take your power back; don’t give your power away. We are here for you.

[Laris_c in reply to AZ1970]

Hi! I know I deserve more that he can give me, I truly know it, but What can I say I’m in love, but I have to be strong, the problem is that we are still friends, and we speak everyday, he writes me and calls me.

[AZ1970 in reply to Laris_c]

It is hard to go from lovers to friends. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Sending a big hug!

[Hidden]

I think u deserve more and never say ur weak. I’ve always said people with anxiety and depression are the strongest. I wish u the best!

[Laris_c]

But you advice, I need to stop talking to him or We can continue like friends?

[Imakook]

Hi, Laris!

Each time you see him your heart will break anew. I know this, as I've been there.

I could, just like GratitudeFirst, fall in love with anyone, and my love would be the only thing he needs to make him happy. Bullshit!

Take it from those that were "Lookin' For Love In All The Wrong Places".

Despite the fact that he's told you he wants to stay with his wife...he has chosen. There is no question about whether you should stay friends with him. Absolutely not.

I noticed how he tried to end it by making it so that he's protecting you from this relationship that has no future for you. That's so nice....but he's lucky he didn't get caught. So are you because 9 times out of 10 you'd be thrown under the bus and you would be the bad guy (even if he tried to blame it on himself). And now he thinks you can go back to being friends? Nope!

I know how much you love him because I have loved just as violently. The wound is too great to live through, but you do. And you absolutely should. I won't deny that what your feeling is love, but it is obsessive love. You are obsessed with him. I'm sure he knows this. So the fact that he's ready to go back to "business as usual" is repugnant (first time I've used that word)! He's not thinking about what is good for you at all. He's thinking about himself. I see the writing on the wall at how this would go: the two of you would definitely start up a romance again. It would break wide open & everybody that you know would know what happened (because you can already bet on the fact that plenty of people most likely know already if this affair has been going on awhile); he would be fine even if his wife left him (there would be consequences, but he seems to be a sweet-talker plus was willing to risk his marriage anyway); however, you would carry the guilt & shame for a very long time and honey, that's not something you want or deserve.

Keep posting here to us & we'll help you through. It's so important right now to take this opportunity & stay away from him. You've got a good excuse as to why you want it that way.

Now for the good news. Take some time to love yourself, pamper yourself, start fresh!

I probably will never love somebody with the intensity that I did loved that person, but I found true love 2 more times after that. First hubby died of cancer & I'm still with next hubby. It's been nearly 24 years since I met current husband, but I was almost 16 years old when I met that dude so long ago who I gave my virginity up for. I'm grateful for the experience but I never want to do that again!

Love, Hugs & Peace, Laris. We can help you.

[Hidden]

I’ve been through this too and it always ends in heartbreak. You need to let him go, I’m sorry. I know how hard it is. I fell in love with a married man too, and it drove me into severe depression when he ended it. Look into love addiction, there is a great book called Facing Love Addiction. Also there are a lot of resources about it on YouTube.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

It hurts to let go on love but with time it gets easier. My firsts months were terrible. Now I’m better. It’s been a year.

[Imakook]

There are good books out there. The one I've personally liked for this kind of pain is "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Melba Colgrove & 2 other co-authors. It's a great book & teaches you how to move on.

A good read!

[Laris_c]

Hi, thanks for your answers, yesterday I went out and I drink too much, today I feel like shit, but I could not to think of him a little bit. Today he will give me drive lessons, the last one, and tomorrow I will take the exam. You know I understand the important to take distance of him, but you know will be very difficult, and I need you help, I told him that we have to end all the friendship between us, and he said no, and blah blah, you know yesterday I almost kill myself with pils, I’m sorry.

[Imakook]

Hi, Laris,

I have a question for you. Is this person's hold on you because you are dependent on his help with either a language or things like school, college, driving, citizenship, anything like that? I don't know how old you are, but do you have other friends that can help?

When he said no, that he wouldn't quit hanging out...Is there a reason you can't go against his wishes? Is he threatening you with anything?

But, if you still want him in your life, nothing any of us say is going to keep you from doing that.

Do you really believe that you two could just be friends without sex?Your relationship seems so passionate.

Anyway, sorry that you are hung over and feeling sick. Good luck on the exam! I wish you the best that life has to offer. I don't think this guy deserves you...even as a friend! And you are way too important and special to come to harm. Please, Laris! Don't hurt yourself! I'm praying for you and we all would love it if you keep posting us with how you are doing!

4Ever your caring friend,

Colleen

[Strongest123]

Hello. I’m sorry to hear about your pain. We all experience heartbreak at one time or another. The only thing that heals that kind of pain is time, and keeping busy. Talking to your friends and family does help. Just believe that it wasn’t meant to be. And believe that someone that is for you and only you will come into your life. I’ve been through heartbreak a few times in my life, but it molds you into who you become. I wish you the best and have faith that your soulmate will be entering your life. Blessings. Samson

[Laris_c]

Well you guys won’t be pride of me, I fall again, he give me the drive lessons, he said he miss me, and he bought me an ice cream and we talked, I told him again that we could not talk or be friends anymore, and he said he could not be without me, we talk a lot, and we kiss very intensely and I give him a blow job, I’m sorry guys, I know you are disappointed. Me too.