Tired.

[SoniaGorgeous]

I just wanna disappear, close my phone and stay at home in my room for a while, I can’t talk to my family nor my bf, i feel so sick and exhausted, my mind is so focused on destroying everything i have, and yet I’m not sure if it’s lying to me, what if its trying to warn me?

I’m sick so very very sick, i write in my journal everyday i try not to think but i just can’t.

I’m afraid I’ll do something I’ll regret ( like arguing with my mom because I’m tired of listening to her constant complaints, or breaking up with my bf because he is so goddamn busy all the time when i f**king need him) in this state of mind, I don’t want to exist atm, i sleep all the time literally!!! I can’t sleep until 5 AM, and wake up at 4 pm, then exist for some hours and return to sleep because existing with this mindset will kill me, I can’t focus on ANYTHING that is good!! How i hate it, the problem is I don’t know if what I’m thinking is lies or truths.

I really need a professional help but its impossible at the moment due to the country I’m living in, maybe someday if I’ll stick around and get the chance to travel to another country.

I just wanted to talk, I’m so sick and tired of this, it’s impossible for everything to be this bad, isn’t it? Or is it?

I don’t know anymore, i just don’t know, my heartbeat is always racing and it hurts, I can’t stop this chain of thought, so i sleep, and wake up tired with an aching body.

Anyway Thanks for listening.

[Hidden]

I'm here now if you want to talk.

[SoniaGorgeous in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your support, god knows i need it.

[Agora1]

Sonia dear, if you can get YouTube, you can get the help you need.

There are so many helpful videos out there. Go to YouTube and then

type in the issue you want to address. There will be anyone from a

psychiatrist to a social worker and therapist who will give you the help

you are looking for. I use it myself and find it helpful as well as educating xx

[SoniaGorgeous in reply to Agora1]

I didn’t know i can get help from YouTube! Thank you for suggesting it, I really do need help, otherwise I’ll completely lose myself.

Thank you so much for your support!

[courageovercomfort]

I find that my depression and anxiety lie to me a lot. They play on & attack my already low self esteem. You are not alone. Just keep holding on.

[SoniaGorgeous in reply to courageovercomfort]

I really hope that all the thoughts i have are lies, it’s hard at this moment to differentiate between truth and a lie, especially on the topics I’m most vulnerable in like my relationship.

Thank you for your support ❤️

[courageovercomfort in reply to SoniaGorgeous]

Oh yes. I get that. Sometimes it helps me to talk w someone or write it out. Helps me see things more objectively.

[Starrlight]

❤️

[SoniaGorgeous in reply to Starrlight]

❤️

[Hidden]

I mean it. If you want to pm me I'm here all night.

[Hidden]

Have you checked to see if there are any online mental health resources where you are? There might even be a phone number to call where you can talk to a counselor who might be able to point you in the right direction for a therapist or group therapy. If not, I hope you can get somewhere where you can get help, you should not have to suffer this way.

[SoniaGorgeous in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the suggestion, I’m grateful!!

I will look for an online counselor, even though i tried two sites, one of them is BetterHealth, and they both refused to help me, saying “ you need to talk to a real psychiatrist ” which tbh discouraged me.

[Hidden]

I have the same feeling and I force myself sometimes to think of myself as the best person I can be, but I know I can't fake it. It's just a lonely life I have once I travel back from school where I have no friends to talk to about it.

[SoniaGorgeous in reply to Hidden]

You can talk to me anytime dear! I’m here for you❤️

[SoniaGorgeous]

Where? I searched for it but didn’t find anything good.

BetterHealth refused to help me.

Could you please Suggest any sites you use?

[SoniaGorgeous]

Yes that’s what i did, and i got your response!!

(And yes Oops 😬 i meant BetterHelp.)

I’ll definitely retry signing up with dishonest answers!!

Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it❤️