Hello everyone I’d like to start by saying it’s hard for me to find the motivation to even write this and also hard for me to concentrate in order to articulate this right but I’m gonna try my best... I’ve struggled with mental illness since a very young age I started seeing psychologists and psychiatrists from age 12-18 and haven’t seen anyone or seeked help since. It felt like I had a good handle on my own until after I had my daughter who will be a year old next week. My boyfriend of 7 years (also father of my daughter) became very distant after I had her and I gained an insane amount of weight so that’s kind of what triggered everything I believe. He went two months without wanting to be intimate he didn’t even really talk to me most of the time and we even slept in separate rooms because he didn’t want our daughter waking him up since he has work. Needless to say this put a huge damper in our relationship and the way I look at him. Fast forward a few months and I’m finally fed up and ready to leave.. he breaks down and I stay (happens every time) things did get much better from there though I think he needed a little wake up call. Now I can’t seem to keep the way I’m feeling under control it’s so much worse than it’s ever been. I’m a stay at home mom while my boyfriend works, he doesn’t want me to work, he won’t help me get my license (been together since I was 14 and I’m 22 now) and doesn’t want me to do anything to better myself.. I go weeks without getting to leave the house and he leaves quite often so I’m usually home by myself taking care of our daughter. He does take care of everything financial and basically tells me I do nothing so eventually I’ve lost my motivation to do anything..... I don’t want my daughter to have a broken family but I also don’t want her to think it’s okay to be treated the way he treats me.. I grew up in a home that was constantly angry and fighting and I’ve tried to explain to him that it seems we just aren’t good for each other anymore but he just accuses me of using our daughter against him and I’m a horrible person for wanting to throw away everything we’ve built together. I’m starting to feel like I’m losing my mind I can’t tell if he’s right or I’m right if I’m just crazy and everything’s in my head and I overreact to things... I have this sick deep empty feeling in my chest that don’t go away... I’m not sure what I’m looking for maybe just to vent
Hope nothing but happiness for everyone going through mental illness in some form, I wouldn’t wish feeling this way on my worst enemy.
Written by
Dmomma95
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Hi DMomma95 and precious baby girl You are in a place where a lot of woman find themselves. There are some men who like keeping "the little woman" at home under their watchful eye almost as a prize possession. You are like a trophy that he won and is put on a shelf for no one to see or admire. Gaining weight is only an excuse or maybe is just in your thinking.
Separate rooms is always an unhealthy sign that there are problems in the relationship. Not allowing you to proceed forward or letting you get your (driver's) license is very controlling.
Children may thrive with a family that stays together BUT not when the situation around them is not the right one for thriving. You are absolutely correct in not wanting your daughter to grow up thinking it's okay to keep a woman down, that she is only good for bearing children and cleaning house. Sometimes we have to take that leap of faith in going forward or we stay stuck in an unhealthy situation both for you and your daughter. I would start by talking with a therapist. You definitely need some guidance right now in knowing how to address this situation you are in.
Until this issue is resolved one way or the other, your mental issues will continue. Being neither here nor there is not good. You need to have a plan, either accepting the current relationship the way it is or moving on for the sake of your daughter and yourself. You saw first hand what an unhappy family can do to the child when you were growing up, don't let it be a repeat.
I am certainly not advocating for breakup, just a healthy place for you to be. My best DMomma95. Keep using the forum for the understanding you need right now. We care xx
Honey, not allowing you a license or a way to feel empowered is a way of keeping you under his control. It sounds like he has some serious insecurities himself! We all need to have our own part of life. You are being treated like a child and that is taking you back to childhood. Your daughter deserves to see you as a role model that is strong and powerful. Even if it is as a stay at home mom. That is one of the hardest jobs. You don’t deserve to be belittled. I suggest relationship counseling. He has to see you as an equal not his property. Do we worry a little more than usual when we suffer from anxiety. Yes! Everything can tend to look bigger! An excellent medicine for depression is exercise. Take your daughter for a walk or jog etc. Find pretty leaves. Do crafts etc. The problem is getting up the motivation to do it! I’m a pot and you are the kettle. I rarely leave my house and have basically given up. But I know what not to do. My son is older than you and if he treated a woman like you I would smack some sense into him! We all need to feel valuable as a person and have our own identity. You are being held captive! I wish you lived near me. I’m a mom. I would come and teach you how to drive and take you to get it. I would take you to lunch. You need a girl friend that you can do things with. What if your daughter got very sick while he was not home? What if you got sick? How do you go to doctors for wellness checks? Maybe if you tell him that it will help. I’m sure you’ve heard the expression that if you love them set them free and they will come back. You are a caged bird that needs to fly. If you have to escape to do it you won’t come back. Explain that too. Just talk nicely maybe write it down. That helps me so I’m not interrupted by excuses and crap. It also keeps my emotions in check whether it be anger or sadness. Then sit quietly while he reads it. If he loves you he will want you to be happy. You are way to young to give up! I’m glad you are here! Please keep in touch. I’m rooting for you sweet girl! You can do it! Teach your daughter by leading by example not by teaching her what not to do. Let her be inspired to be like you and be proud. You’ve taken the first step. Make a list of things you need to feel secure and happy in your relationship. One being a license if that’s important to you. You can get financial aide to go to school and get an education. You should feel like you are not dependent on him. You need your own self worth. Stand up, take charge and go for it! You are worth it and so is your daughter. It’s hard to do things for ourselves so if not then do it for her!!!
Please try going to church . God is peace and love . It makes me feel better . Put your trust in him . Have your daughter play mates with a friend . Do you have friends with kids ? If so try that . Don't be alone so much . Best of luck too you .
Amen! That is one of the few things that makes me happy! I can’t go often due to mental and physical shut down but I know that’s what I need. I think that would be helpful to anyone!
Please call your local women's center and just talk to someone about these issues. Get their feedback. See what services they offer. Help is out there. Lots more help than you can imagine!
Right now your biggest responsibility is your seven year old daughter. She is watching all of this. You're right - you are teaching her how to be a woman, how to let a man treat her. She didn't choose this life; she is stuck with you two as parents. This is your baby, and you owe her better than this.
From your post, I hear a lot of victimization. A man who won't "let" you work? Who doesn't like you when you gain weight? Who has a 7 year old child with you but is still a "boyfiriend"? Who won't help you get your license so you can't leave the house for weeks at a time? Who tells you that you're a horrible person?
No wonder you feel defeated. You ARE defeated by a man who, for whatever reason, is not acting lovingly toward you. This is not the behavior of a healthy man who can function in a relationship. This is a man who has issues of his own, and personally I don't care what they are, I care about YOU.
He is abusing you emotionally, verbally, and psychologically, and your little girl too, by making her see this. By now your self-esteem is so low that you probably wonder if you're even capable of driving or having a job. But you can. You really can.
If you don't care about yourself, but please care enough about your little girl to get her out of this insanity and into a safe place. You both deserve so much more. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.
The women's center will help you get out, get counseling, and learn to be empowered so that you never let a man treat you and your daughter like this again.
I know that is blunt and hard to hear. But you cannot change this man and make things better. What you CAN do is save yourself and protect your daughter, and that is HUGE.
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You are in a place where a lot of woman find themselves. There are some men who like keeping "the little woman" at home under their watchful eye almost as a prize possession. You are like a trophy that he won and is put on a shelf for no one to see or admire. Gaining weight is only an excuse or maybe is just in your thinking. 
Am I wrong? 
Unnerving Memories
New here. Need advise 
Feeling defeated 
feeling broken and don’t want to live anymore 
