a wasted life

There is no reason for me to be here. No one wants or needs me. There is no personal touch of love from anyone. I could care less about myself. I tried really hard to get right and I always fail. I just wish something would kill me. I’m tired of living this miserable life. I don’t even want to tell my therapist that I failed her once again. I don’t even know why I’m reaching out. I don’t want pity. I just want to die

[Vygotski419]

It really sucks to feel this way. Do you have any pets? It may not feel like it right now. Or ever. But you do matter. And you do make a difference in someone's life. Sometimes people are just crappy at saying how much you matter to them.

[Hidden in reply to Vygotski419]

I have 2 greyhounds. Impossible snugglers. I told my husband who never touches me that I want a pit puppy. Maybe at least I’ll have something to cuddle with, but money is tight until our house is ready, so no on that.

Ty for responding

[Vygotski419 in reply to Hidden]

Greyhounds are to fast to snuggle 😄A pit would definitely be better for cuddling.

[Good_for_us]

I’m so sorry you feel like that- your life is absolutely not a waste!! All lives are important! These thoughts are just depression talking. Don’t let the depression win. You have plenty of time to reclaim your life and make it what you want to be. Try to foster some hope and plans for yourself. Also, since you want a pit puppy but can’t afford one, you could possibly go to a shelter near you and do some dog walking or other volunteer work there. One of my friends walks shelter dogs during her lunch hour. There are always plenty of pitties in the shelters. Just one little idea, in case it appeals to you. I’m glad you have your lovely greyhounds!

[Hidden in reply to Good_for_us]

Ty for your supportive words.

[Good_for_us in reply to Hidden]

Just checking in to see how you are doing?

[Hidden in reply to Good_for_us]

OMG! You are so kind. I have recovered and am back to the sunny side. The dark side did not have cookies like it promised 😂 it’s so weird to go soooo deep and be able to come out of it and go so high. I listen to this every morning…

youtu.be/fFRVZMEUyG0?si=Hkc...(Not working as expected?)

[Good_for_us in reply to Hidden]

I’m so happy you are doing well! Haha, yeah no cookies is a no-go situation! 😅

Thank you for sharing this video ❤️- it’s so interesting and inspiring! I wish I knew who all the speakers are- they list 4 of them, but not all, I think?

Anyway, hugs and stay well!

[Hidden in reply to Good_for_us]

Thank you for thinking of me!

[Good_for_us in reply to Hidden]

❤️

[Hidden in reply to Good_for_us]

Louise Hay is the woman at the end. I just ordered one of her books. Apparently she’s been around a while and passed at 90 in 2017. I have been YouTubing her like crazy

[Good_for_us in reply to Hidden]

Oh thank you!! I saw they listed ‘Louis Hay’ and wondered if that was just a typo and it was her! But I knew she had passed away so I thought maybe it was someone different. I love her affirmation cards- I should look her up and maybe order one of her books as well! 😊

[KrierandRosie]

I have felt exactly the same way as you. Everything I tried to accomplish failed. I have no special uplifting answers for you. Try to do one day at a time. I don’t have the guts for suicide. I would probably fail at that, also. And then life would be even worse with some sort of disability. Do you have a greyhound? I have huskies. They are the reason to live.

[Hidden in reply to KrierandRosie]

hi. I am too scared to off myself plus if I did, it would just ruin my kids lives more which would be the ultimate proof of failing my kids.

I do have 2 greyhounds that are amazing but not good for cuddling. I wrote in my journal last night a short list of things that make me feel good like furry blankets and hot showers. So there can be some comfort or relief to my day. At least those things can’t talk or judge

[Junella]

Have you touched anyone? Live for your kids but take care of yourself first. See my other post above for specifics. The children need you and you have a purpose to live for them. Be an actress--think of the person you want to be by acting it out. It can change your mood, and move as much as possible--exercise. Pray-visualize a God of love and talk to Him like a friend not in stilted language.

I prefer fluffy soft cuddly cats myself.

[Hidden in reply to Junella]

I only have my husband around. No other family locally and no friends. I stopped requesting touching and stopped initiating things like hugs because for him, they last 15 seconds and I just want to melt into someone for a long time. I guess he just doesn’t need it and he doesn’t hear me when I tell him I need it. I have to settle with a goodbye morning peck and sometimes a tit squeeze. Every once in a while a butt pat. I’ve been an actor, a pretender, a believer, and it all takes so much energy but a few mistakes or negative words and I give up. My oldest is 25 and she won’t talk to me and my youngest is 15 and she is living with her dad now for high school. I started a new job 3 months ago. A new lease on life and new routine with some exercise and meditation but if it all just comes right back to this then I give up. I haven’t done any of that this week cuz what’s the point? So much in my story that starts as far back as my memories in childhood that I was never enough.

I’m allergic to cats 😞

[Junella in reply to Hidden]

I also only have my husband (no children) and live in a rural area in the house I grew up in. We came back here in the 80s. I had to smile when you said your husband only gave you a peck on the cheek and a 15-second hug, etc. I know women who would be so thankful for just that.

You said you have started a new job and some practices to help your mood. I am proud of you for that, and it gives me lots of hope for you. It means consistency everyday for the long haul, and not letting your feelings control you but free yourself to move to live an abundant life. If you feel like not doing something, then is the time to say no to that thought, and do it. Otherwise it will come back and your negative lying brain will win--determine not to let it. When you practice going against the lies, the positive pathways in the brain will strengthen. That is science.

Negative thoughts lie to us constantly and cause our bad feelings and they result in complaining that drives people away (your daughter?). I don't know your circumstances and don't want to be judgmental. But don't judge yourself so poorly either. I also had extreme feelings of not liking myself at one time.

Most of us have thoughts of inadequacy, past tragedies and current problems to share and then we must let them go. That might mean repeating over and over something like "I will let this go." As a spiritual person I like to say "Jesus help me through this."

[Hidden]

IF ANYONE IS LISTENING… EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IS FINE AND I HAVE STARTED TO RECOVER AGAIN! THANK YOU FOR YOUR KINDNESS.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Greyhoundlove I just saw your response to your post.

Happy Days! Happy Monday! You've Got This... xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you!