Please help..

[ally_99]

I just has a mental breakdown and all I have been able to think about for the past couple of days or weeks.. is dying. I don’t have the heart or whatever it’s called to end my life.. but I want to die so badly. I’m tired of always feeling stressed, depressed and pressured and overwhelmed and anxious.. I don’t feel normal or happy like ever.. I’m so lost idk what to do or feel or even think I just want to be happy and I feel like everyone around me is tired of me.. like if their lives would be better off without me in it.. I’m not saying that to be dramatic but whenever I need someone to talk to I’m interrupted or no one seems to be there for me or that they’re just not interested to know how fucking depressed I am.. I just want to die please god help me... 😞

[Mumma_h]

Dear ally_99, my heart aches for you, I hear your pain loud and clear! All I could think about today was taking my life, I want to but know it will hurt my family, that's the only reason I'm here. I rang one of oldest and closest friends today and told him I really need him because I was suicidal and because we'd had an argument days before he said he didn't care. Mind you the argument was over him using me for a place to stay, was constantly angry at me when I totally supported him , his son and his dog time after time , it tipped me over the edge and is spiralling me back into my deep depression and he said he dosnt care.ln a nut shell what I'm saying is I understand what that rejection and lack of understanding of the incredible pain of depression. I care about you and so do others here . I understand how horrific depression can be, it's the worst thing I've been through and I've been through a lot in my life. What I can tell it is most definitely possible to feel happiness, purpose ness and peace again, that's for sure. I had serious depression for many years and it went away, I'm back in it again which terrifies me but I also no it can go again. Please have hope!! Have you been to the doctors? I'm on anti depressants and they have helped, I don't even care because it's better than being in that hell , I'll do what it takes. I truly understand the hell that depression can be , you're not alone. Sending you hugs love and understanding and if I could be there with you right now I'd do what it takes to get you better, people that haven't been through it just don't understand how bad it is ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[ally_99 in reply to Mumma_h]

Thank you so much 😭 I haven’t seen doctors only a therapist but almost 2 years ago and I wasn’t suicidal at that point I was Years before but then it went away and recently I’ve been getting them again and it’s killing me. I don’t want to do this to my friends or family or even my bf I love him to death but all these feelings and thoughts are slowing sucking the life out of me. I want to go to therapy again and get on medication but Idk how to tell my parents. I’ve always wanted to tell them about my suicidal thoughts but they don’t understand that I do have depression and anxiety like they think it’s a joke.

[Mumma_h]

P.s continue to post here, there are truly beautiful and caring people who genuinely care and completely understand. You are never alone here and always always do not hesitate to call a suicide hot line if your thinking of going through with it , here in Australia we have ' lifeline' and they've gotten me through many times , I had to call again today . You can get better darling I promise you ❤️

[Ragdoll15 in reply to Mumma_h]

I don't think any of us really want to die, we just want to live. We want to live with peace of mind and be able to appreciate everything around us. I miss looking out of my window and admiring the flowers watching the birds fly by, the simple every day things.Pleae God we all will be able to achieve this. We must hang in there for tomorrow is another day and who knows what it will bring.

[ally_99 in reply to Ragdoll15]

Yeah exactly. ik I won’t go through with killing myself, but there’s this voice in my head that takes control and keeps telling me to do it. There’s this video I saw where it mentioned the same thing.. “you don’t want to die, you just want to stop hurting” and that’s how I feel, I want to stop feeling this way, it’s such an awful feeling that no one should go through

[Hidden]

The thought of wanting to die is a temporary thought, that's what you have to remind yourself every time that thought pops in your head, never believe what your anxiety tells you, it will pass

[ally_99 in reply to Hidden]

I try my best to distract myself, but I always go back to square one and I feel like I’m not getting any better and mostly bc I don’t have ppl to talk to or that are willing to listen but again I tend to push ppl away or I just hate talking about myself to my friends.. it’s like I’m scared to open up to anyone and then watch them walk out of my life with all that information about me or can go talk to someone else and they laugh at me bc of how stupid I am

[Hidden in reply to ally_99]

Ally, the best thing you could do right now is call the Samaritans, they listen and they make you feel so much better, honestly, give them a call, they don't judge, they don't interrupt, they just listen, try it and let me know how you feel after ?

[ally_99 in reply to Hidden]

What’s that?

[Hidden]

It's a helpline that you can call if you need to just get anything off your chest or mind

[ally_99 in reply to Hidden]

Ohh okey thank you I’ll try it out

[Mumma_h]

Hey again ally_99,I absolutely understand your pain, you sound exactly like me, honestly I could've written it myself, EXACTLY how I feel too. Never feel alone; unfortunately those that havnt experienced depression and that horrible gut feeling of just feeling lost and empty and void of joy just don't quite get it. But it doesn't mean they don't care. Would it be possible to have a family meeting with your bf included and explain to them how you feel and that you want to get better and just need some love and help and then have someone take you to the doctors. I don't have all the answers but I just want to help you and tell you you can get better, you are precious and worth it ,none of this is your fault and this won't be forever . I have found antidepressants can really help ,u may not need them forever but they can help to get you on the right track and I would definitely get back to therapy, you deserve it.You are in my prayers ❤️

[ally_99 in reply to Mumma_h]

Thank you so much, I’ve been trying to open up to my bf more lately and I feel like I just have my mental breakdowns where I want to give up but I’m trying my best to keep myself on track

[Mumma_h]

You are amazing, youre trying that's for sure , just to reach out to people here takes courage, you should be very proud of yourself. This is not something you can do alone,we all need help, that's why we're all on here chatting to one another. We are all behind you and if I was there with you now I would help you 100% myself cos I understand what you're going through. Hang in there my love, there are better times ahead for you without a doubt . Praying for you everyday ❤️❤️❤️

[ally_99 in reply to Mumma_h]

You’re angel sent form heaven, sweetest person ever thank you so much prayers for you too if you’re ever going through tough moments ❤️

[Mumma_h]

Hey ally-99, how are you feeling today? 😘

[ally_99 in reply to Mumma_h]

I’m doing better, thank you for checking in ❤️

[Mumma_h]

That's so good to hear ! Always reach out if you're having a bad day ok, you're worth more than you can imagine. ❤️

[ally_99 in reply to Mumma_h]

I sure will ❤️ and I’ll try my best to keep that in mind.. life is too short to be constantly on edge.