I’m in a serious dark place

[Adamj]

I’m tired of crying I’m tired of feeling like this why don’t meds work for me why do I keep feeling so funky I can’t even be strong for myself and see a way out of this I’m living in a hell I honestly feel somewhat suicidal like it’s not a suicidal like I want to die it’s a idk like I don’t want to kill myself the hell of being aware of everything in your body I just got so frustrated I punched my palm and it hurt so bad and not a good hurt learned I shouldn’t do that again. I’m hurting mentally physically and scared it never gets better I never get a break I don’t ever have calm my brain does weird shit the weird feelings every sensations i feel like it’s gonna kill me I’ve tried being like you’ve felt this before you will be okay doesn’t work because then it just reinforces me thinking that there is something really bad wrong because the shit is still there

[Starrlight]

Hey there my friend. That must be scary to have all those weird sensations going on all the time. My heart goes out to you in a huge way. I wish I could do something to give you relief. You are such an amazing soul of light and you deserve good things. Is there anything you notice that helps even the slightest bit?

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

not anymore nothing seems to help anymore it’s the strangest and scariest thing like idk what to do

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

I am shedding tears for you right now… because I know you are really suffering a lot. What used to help you a bit before it stopped helping? I used to be in hell too and now I am in a bit of a better place these days. So don’t give up. There is hope.

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

honest since this all started 7 and a half months ago I really haven’t felt safe anywhere no where relives it nothing relieves it being around my girlfriend use to help a lot now I just feel safe around her but I only get to see her like twice a week if that it’s gonna be two weeks now until I see her again because I can’t drive the whole way to her house my life has just crumbled apart I feel so alone and crazy because don’t really see anyone talking about the weird shit

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

So you’d say it’s getting worse? You’re not crazy. You are really feeling all the sensations you describe. I feel alone much of the time too.

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

it just feels like it keeps changing and changing

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

Wow that’s really frustrating.

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

yeah

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

it’s 2 :30 am here. I’m going to sleep soon. Are you having trouble sleeping too?

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

my sleep is so out of whack it’s frustrating

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

oh that’s rough. I had to take my mom to the ER tonight so now I’m just feeling pretty up.

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

I’m sorry hope your mom is okay

[Starrlight in reply to Adamj]

thanks she’s ok now.

[Adamj in reply to Starrlight]

that’s good

[Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight]

It's so true ⭐️. He's a fighter, he keeps pushing. That's all we've got. Push and find ways to cope better. You and I both knows it's a battle.

Sorry about your mom ⭐️. Glad to read she is ok

❤️🐬

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

I’m proud of our Adam too, 🐬 it IS such a battle.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight]

👍❤️❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

thanks my mom is doing well now

[Dolphin14]

It's a very difficult road. I'm so sorry you can't find more peace. It's draining you I can see it in your writing.

Tool box of coping skills. You have to start filling one.

Have you had the genetic testing to see what may work for you? They draw quite a bit of blood with trust. I've heard from people that have had it done that they check so much. Just curious if you've done this.

🐬

[SayNOtoPanic]

you’re definitely not alone! Nor crazy! My heart goes out to you cause when the nerves are firing off and our noisy bodies are amplified, it’s a constant fight or flight mode and the adrenaline dumping in our body is non stop, and all the physical symptoms become non stop. I don’t wish it on anyone. Can relate with you a lot and going through it when I first developed health anxiety. And it never goes away, it’s finding a way to live with it and in time with therapy or meditation or meds or all those things combined (depending on what works for you as an individual) the body gets less noisy. Sending you peace and blessings.

[Adamj in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

idk what med go even try

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to Adamj]

have u tried any beta blockers (heart meds)? If not maybe talk to ur GP doc or the cardio docs u follow up with if it’s an option for you. U can bring it up and ask. They have adrenaline blocking effects.

[Adamj in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

nope have had high bp every since I was 13 around 140/90 or above rarely ever under that and the doctors never have started me on any heart meds or even sent me to a cardiologist

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to Adamj]

There’s some articles online that talk about them in regard to anxiety so you have some info if u approach your docs. Maybe worth a shot for you as the physical seems to be the biggest hurdle ur dealing with and a break from the adrenaline spikes could be that relief for you. Prayers up.

[hzhang35]

Adam, don't fight these weird feelings, accept them as they are. Terrible as they are, these strange feelings do no harm to your body.

[Adamj in reply to hzhang35]

even when I feel like ima pass out and my heart is racing and I feel woozy with chest pain arm neck pain nausea dizziness

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to Adamj]

it’s sounds so wild to the logical mind, but yes it’s like that first therapy step. To take a breath in and say I utterly accept all these symptoms and bring it. But oh man it’s a challenge. Check out the Dr Weekes book hope and help for your nerves you can listen to it also on YouTube free. Gives some insight on how to do it.

[Arymretep]

keep strong Adam, we’re all with you 😘

[Hidden]

Me too. I feel you. It’s so exhausting. Your words are my exact feelings/thoughts. I appreciate knowing I am not alone. Thank you for your bravery with posting.