Loss meaning in life

[DriftingFeather]

Lately, it feels like I’m sinking, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to pull myself out of it. Every Friday, I tell myself, This weekend, I’ll finally feel better—I’ll do something for me. I make plans and think of things that used to make me happy, but when the weekend comes, I feel completely drained. Just getting out of bed feels impossible, and I never end up doing anything I planned.

The worst part is that the weekend slips away doing nothing but chores, and suddenly it’s Monday again. It’s like life is on autopilot—work, gym, cook, eat, sleep—and I’m just existing, not living. I moved to a new country where I don’t know anyone, and working from home has only made me feel more isolated. My husband works mornings while I work afternoons, so even though we live in the same house, it feels like we barely spend any real time together.

I feel this constant heaviness, like I’m trapped in my own body. My mind keeps shouting at me to do things—Get up. Go out. Start something new. But I just can’t move. It’s like I’ve lost all control over myself, and I’m so angry about it.

I don’t hate my job, but I don’t feel anything toward it either. I know I need to keep working, but the idea of doing this—just going through the motions—for the rest of my life makes me feel hopeless. I want to want things again, but right now, everything feels pointless.

I can’t afford therapy, so I don’t know how to start getting better on my own. I know I’m not okay, but I don’t know how to fix it. I feel so alone, and it’s terrifying to think this might just be my life now.

If anyone else has been through something like this and found a way to move forward, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. Right now, I just feel like I’m stuck in a dark hole I can’t climb out of.

[MideRobin]

Hey.

It sounds like you’re carrying an incredibly heavy burden right now, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. I completely understand how it feels to be overwhelmed, especially with all the changes and challenges you’re facing.

You see, taking small steps can be a way to start shifting things, even if it feels hard. Perhaps you could try setting very simple goals for yourself—like going for a short walk or even just sitting outside for a few minutes. This worked for me—not that I’m saying it will work for everyone, just suggesting It’s okay to feel lost, and it’s also okay to seek out small moments of light in your day but remember, it's okay to take things one day at a time. Your feelings are valid, and taking care of yourself is important. Have a fabulous day.

[Entela15 in reply to MideRobin]

Thank you. It’s great advice

[TangledUpIn]

DriftingFeather, I know exactly what you are talking about. I have things I want to do for fun and chores around my home which need to get done and sometimes I just can't motivate myself. What I have found that works immediately is to drink a half can of an energy drink, which in my case is blueberry Red Bull. It seems to jolt me out of my lethargy every time. It pushes me to focus and to take action which leads to further action! I hope this helps.

[Rhianna62 in reply to TangledUpIn]

I have thought about doing that, as coffee doesn't really do much for me anymore. But I keep hearing how bad these energy drinks are for you..(Red Bull, Monster, etc). I wonder about what you said about 1/2 can. If so, I guess I can do it in the morning so I can still sleep at night. The blueberry sounds good.

[TangledUpIn in reply to Rhianna62]

I've heard the same things but 1/2 a can won't kill you imo😀

[DriftingFeather in reply to TangledUpIn]

That’s what I used to do with coffee but it also acts on my anxiety so is a no for me, I actually recently stopped drinking coffee because of that

[Rhianna62 in reply to DriftingFeather]

I think that's why I take my anxiety meds after coffee ☕..lol..

[Entela15]

I feel the same. I have nobody to even talk to. Over the years my life has changed so much.As a result of chronic pain my social circle reduced to nothing, my family live in a different country and I find most days feeling sorry for myself. There’s no one except my dog. What a waste of a life!

[Rhianna62 in reply to Entela15]

I used to have a Dog..I would take him to a park and would meet a lot of people. They would actually come up to me complimenting my Dog and vice versa. Have you tried to take your dog for a run in a park with other dogs?

[Entela15 in reply to Rhianna62]

I have a gorgeous dog. Right now he’s my reason for living.

[Rhianna62 in reply to Entela15]

That's great! But have you tried to take him to a dog park to try to meet other people? You mentioned having no one to talk to. This would get you out and perhaps meeting other dog lovers..

[Hidden]

youtu.be/WwDydU0DnVg?si=4J2...(Not working as expected?)

[secrets22]

I can assure you, you are not alone, i get those feelings daily, always intending to get things done and end up doing nothing, and i cant figure out how to get out of this malaise. I am lower than i've even been and my life is ebbing away.

[Arymretep in reply to secrets22]

Hi, I’m a big believer in writing lists , every morning I write down what I need to do and cross off as I go along, and it’s such a sense of achievement when Ive done something, and I can then relax .

Just a thought maybe a chat with you Dr about what’s going on, a few years ago just after the pandemic I felt really low, just couldn’t cope with anything , apparently covid affected a lot of people that way , I was put on a course of antidepressants which I wasnt keen to take, but honestly they pulled me out of a rut, it’s worth a try , take care

[Rhianna62 in reply to Arymretep]

Hmm.. good idea about the list. It seemed like I had more motivation when my (now ex) boyfriend would come over. Talking to him gave me motivation..and he used to be in Maintenance at a large apartment complex, so he would help me out with things around here. Now I have no one to talk to since he left and I wonder .who do I have to impress? I hardly have furniture as I was homeless for several months before moving here. I don't cook anymore..no fun cooking for yourself. No where to put anything if I do unpack these boxes.I did accomplish one thing, but it was done in front of my case manager since she didn't lift a finger to help me. I contacted St. Vincent De Paul and asked if they donate furniture to people with very low income with furniture donations and the man was really nice and he said they might be able to help me out and to call them back on Thursday. I think the loneliness, and not having anyone here or to talk to is really bringing me down. Loneliness is like a physical pain sometimes.

[Rhianna62 in reply to Arymretep]

I wish I could turn back time and go back to the 70's and 80's when times were simple. People would just come over because they wanted to see you. We would have dinners (this was when I grew up) , car doors were left unlocked, no school shootings, playing tag football, trampoline, table Tennis, boating with my Aunt and uncle. Long drives out of State to visit people..if I could turn back time..sigh..

[Arymretep in reply to Rhianna62]

Me too, happy days 👍

[TangledUpIn in reply to Rhianna62]

"People would come over because they wanted to see you" - interesting observation. You're right, people used to drop by just because. 😐

[Rhianna62 in reply to secrets22]

You are not alone, I feel the same way. Sometimes the loneliness I feel is so awful..it's almost like a physical pain..if that makes sense. My Psychiatrist just increased my Wellbutrin, so maybe that will lift my mood, but I sure wish I had friends or family. Now I get to spend the Holidays and my birthday alone.

[TangledUpIn in reply to Rhianna62]

You know what would be cool? If there was a group on here that called people on their birthday and/or holidays🥰 I would definately do it😙

[Rhianna62 in reply to TangledUpIn]

That would be amazing!!

[Hidden]

You are not alone. At my worse. I am unable to get off the couch during the day. I am on disability so I have nothing to do all day. I try to keep up my apartment, the more I do the worse it gets. My poor puppy doesn't get the attention she should. I do have days when I am motivated and do things but it is so lonely. No friends, my husband is... well a male I live with. Meds I take to keep me out of the hospital. I dream of one day I will be "normal" again.

I know this doesn't help much, but to know you are not alone is a start.

[Rhianna62 in reply to Hidden]

I wish we could all get together and form some type of social club or something..lol..

[TangledUpIn in reply to Rhianna62]

I was thinking the same thing Rhianna62🙂

[Hidden in reply to Rhianna62]

That would be nice. I would love to have group to talk to on a regular basis

[Rhianna62 in reply to Hidden]

You deserve better than your husband, and I deserve better than my ex who I am embarrassed to say I still cling to for fear of being abandoned (Childhood Trauma). But now I think he has left for good. He lived down the street. I should be thrilled, but it just makes me more lonely. I guess I got some comfort knowing he was just down the street. The jerk cheated on me when I was homeless for five months, on the streets, scared and in a homeless shelter. He only called me because he could not get utilities in his name. So, I put them in my name. I would threaten him to shut his utilities off when he never called me. I knew he was cheating on me with his new girlfriend who lived just above him. I did live with him for about a week before I became homeless. I wasn't playing tiddlywinks..but trying hard to find an apartment. He knew that. I was paying him 1/2 rent, utilities (which were in my name anyway) then all of a sudden, his slumlord put a note on the door saying he found out that someone was living there and I was to be out by 5pm or he would bring the police over!

I begged my boyfriend to see if I could be put on the lease, my credit was excellent. I made monthly SSDI income. But he and that girl I think banded together or she threatened him and she told on me to their landlord. I was scared and had nowhere to go. He didn't fight for me or anything. He had no emotion. I couldn't believe it. I thought he loved me. We were together for three years.

Well I finally got an apartment..and unfortunately it was just down the street from him. I had to accept it because I am on Section 8. I believe in Karma. I told him this and told him.. someday..maybe not that day or the next, he would get his Karma. What goes around comes around. So I got my power back. When I moved into this apartment, we (I thought) were still boyfriend/girlfriend and my Microwave broke and he was helping me unload it and groceries out of the car when that means girl walked down the sidewalk, saw me and screamed and cussed me out. I said nothing. Just kept thinking, it wouldn't be too long. I would get him back. Well I finally did. I shut off his utilities.. because by this time he was completely ignoring me, no phonecalls..if he did stop over he would keep his car running and leave five minutes later, always with the same excuse that he didn't feel good. He swore up and down he did not have a girlfriend. I had enough and took my power back. Only thing is, now he is homeless and I feel just awful. I didn't want that. I never want anyone to suffer like I did. Someone snitched on him to his slumlord that he had a utility notice shut off (10 days or unless he finds someone else to put in their name). He told me no one wanted to put it in their name. I said "Oh..that's too bad, I thought at least your girlfriend would have helped you..not much of a girlfriend huh..you had it so much better with me" and those were the last words we said to each other. Now I look bad at the horrible way he humiliated me and treated me and I am actually happy all this happened to him.

Sorry, I didn't mean to write a book. Maybe I needed to get that out. I guess what I am trying to say is to get your power back. Don't be with someone who feels like a roommate. You deserve to be loved and treated like a queen, and there really are men who would do that. I wish there was a way you could walk your dog to a dog park and meet people with dogs. I would love to do that if I had a dog. I miss my Dogs I had growing up (Boxers) but now I am a cat person. But I am too depressed even after my Wellbutrin increase to even want to get a cat. 😔

[Hidden in reply to Rhianna62]

I hate you went through all of that with your ex boyfriend. You are the one who deserves to be treated like a queen.I am so proud of you for taking your power back. (Literally)

I do deserve what I am getting. I had a man that treated me like a queen. I cheated on him because I outgrew him. I thought i could do better. Hah. Yea right! Karma does come around

[Rhianna62 in reply to Hidden]

You made a mistake. We all do. What matters is..we learn from it. Even if someone deserves something, it shouldn't be an emotional unhappy life sentence. You living with someone who acts like a roommate instead of a loving husband, is like having a life sentence..meaning, void of love, laughter, joy of falling in love, someone actually Happy to see you when you get home and can't wait to hear about your day and vice versa. Someone who wants to surprise you with flowers, making you a romantic dinner with candles, etc. That's what you deserve. I hope I am making sense.

[Raindrops3]

I've felt like that before as well. Sometimes I can get myself out of it by forcing myself to do something I normally enjoy even if I don't really want to do it at the moment. For example, I usually like to paint, so I'll make myself sit in front of the canvas even though I'm not into in the moment. Sometimes it works, and sometimes not.

[Rhianna62]

I know it doesn't feel like it, but you have so, many, many blessings! As a matter of fact, can I have your life? 😊. I'm saying this not to be funny, but my life has nothing. I remember at one time I used to have it all. A good job..but my jobs never lasted very long due to Major Depressive Disorder, Severe anxiety Disorder, Childhood neglect and abandonment, a personality disorder, developed from Severe neglect and trauma as a child. As a matter of fact, the longest I have had a job is three years.

I had a nice car, a beautiful condo on Siesta Key Florida, many friends (but looking back, They were just bar buddies or people to hang out on the beach with. I never really had a "True" friend or "best friend" as I always sabotaged anything good that came my way. I was a "Daddy's girl". He doted on me, and like an idiot, I took him for granted, thinking he would live forever if that makes sense. I knew if I lost yet another job, he would "bail me out" and my mortgage and utilities would be paid as he was a very successful business man. I have never been married or had children. I was afraid too..I was afraid I would end up like my Emotionally abusive mother. I also did not think I could cope with being a single mother, so I had cats instead who brought me so much joy. They were very happy cats and I spoiled them. I loved them so much.

I lived in four different countries and 12 different states due to be taken away at the age of six by the courts from my Alcoholic, abusive mother. She would go to her modeling assignments and then go on bar binges for days and lock me in bathrooms so no one could hear me screaming. My Dad hired a Nanny as he was gone on business a lot. He did everything he could with my Mother to help her, but she would just run away from re-hab he would put her in. She would get drunk and come home and yell at and fire the Nanny because she was resentful that we loved Annabelle (Nanny). My Dad had no idea this was happening, until one day he came home to the beautiful house he bought for my Mom to find it filthy with no food and I was left alone in filth with no food. I was unloved and unwanted by her. My Aunt and uncle had me taken away by the courts (My Dad's Sister and brother in law) at the age of six and gave me a fairytale childhood. They were a happy Midwest fun and wonderful couple. However..what my Mum put me through took it's toll and I remember at a young age having feelings of emptiness, loneliness, feelings like I did not belong. In the 60's and 70's, mental illness..not much was known about it. I knew something was wrong with me but I didn't know what it was. So my childhood while happy on the outside was filled with feelings of loneliness and being on the outside looking in, like I was invisible.

Fast forward to today. I'm 62. And my life is pathetic. I live alone. No friends. I'm in therapy and on medication for most of my life but depression lurks in the background. I just moved into a one bedroom apartment. I should be "happy and grateful" but I am not. I barely have any furniture. I have no car. I am now disabled. I can not work. My last "relationship" if you can call it that just ended and I have nothing to look forward to. I get to spend the holidays alone and my birthday alone. I have no motivation. I need structure, but don't know where to get it. I don't even know why I have a phone as no one calls me. I feel like I am living a life sentence. I don't want to die, but I don't want to exist. I feel like a spectator in life just watching the world go by. Life just seems so empty and I don't know how to fix it. So..I can definitely relate to how you are feeling. You are not alone. If you ever want to DM me or chat feel free. It would be nice to have someone to talk to going through the same thing.

[Hidden]

We definitely have similarities in our lives.I don't have friends.

I feel so empty and I too feel like life is just passing me by.

I am a non-participant in the world. Just existing, hoping one day I will snap out of it and jump into life.

I was sa by my father as well as several assaults as a teenager.

I just can't imagine the atrocities you went through. I am so glad your aunt stepped in.

I have no idea how people can do these things to children. My memories of the sa by my father were repressed until about 8 years ago. If I had known what had happened to me I probably never would have had children either.

[Rhianna62]

Well you have a friend now. Me. Pen pals can be friends. And you had 33 replies from some very nice people! 😊. DM me anytime you want to talk. I wish we all lived closer and could form a social group. 😔

[hypercat54]

You can talk on here as this is the main board. Its not recommended to private message until you get to know people a lot better as the forum is moderated and safer.

Be cautious online and stay safe.