this is not a positive posts

[Adamj]

I am so frustrated angry sad irritated I don’t want to do this anymore I really don’t I’ve lost hope I’m close to just throwing in the towel and just idk. I don’t see any light of this getting better. My family is going on a vacation and I can’t even go because they don’t know how to handle me if I have a panic attack and freak out or have an episode of fear and they are just as frustrated as me that they don’t know how to help me. I want to drive again I want a fucking job I want to feel better. I want to know how to stop feeling like this I don’t even have any good days anymore it’s so frustrating I’m tired of going to bed between 4am to 6am and waking up between 12pm to 2pm not even good sleep. Tired of these sensations I get. The psychiatry appointment today was a joke in my book. I don’t have a positive attitude anymore when everything looks and feels so dark and I feel so alone. I also don’t get how anyone else has gotten through this or actually felt like this. Why tf do I gotta do this all over again and feeling worse then I ever had before.

Life sucks

I’m tired of the fear that randomly hits me.

Tired of the heart palpitations

Tired of the funky stomach

Tired of my brain not working right

This may be tmi but tired of the weird tingling balls I get

Tired of my chest feeling funky

Tired of crying

Tired of nothing helping

Tired of the weird prickly feeling

Tired of feeling like I’m crazy

Tired of this dark cloud

Tired of feeling sick

Tired of gagging and dry heaving

Just tired of trying

This probably how my destiny ends like this

[Adamj]

I’ve been consistently exercising almost everyday for 2 and a half weeks and I’m not noticing much difference

[101315 in reply to Adamj]

Exercise requires a much larger commitment than 15-20 days. You are making a regular effort towards it so that victory is all yours. So many things take time which can stress out someone who lakes patience. I feel that you are worried about not seeing results but it is very early still. I believe you have great potential to self heal at least some of your ailments but they will still require focus and effort. Do not give up sir, you are already showing your true strength in your persistence.

[Balloffur2468 in reply to 101315]

I agree this could really help you.

[Blueruth in reply to Adamj]

Stop “noticing” and start experiencing it. Exercise should be enjoyable…there are enough choices and you are human so you can find a form that you enjoy. Maybe it is bicycling which I have seen you mention. So *while* you do it…. How does the breeze feel? What do you see , smell, taste?

[Adamj]

I want my spark back I hate my fucking brain

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I was in your place a few months ago. I said the same things. Except for the balls part 😂 (sorry I like to introduce a little levity)

I was tired. Tired of having to do this all over again. I thought it would be easier this time around because I thought I have been through this and came out clean on the other side.

Truth is our brains are funny. We only remember the good parts of the journey. Also the fact that both of us have been here before is a double edge sword. While we over came it once and got better. We also probably pick up habits that are bad like avoiding or taking on more than what we should to make up for missing out.

Talk therapy, exercise, psychiatry can only take you so far. Eventually you have to face the storm. It's always going to be there. No matter what therapy you do, pills you take and how many miles you run. You can't put run it. Anxiety storm is still there. You have to face it. That means having the mind set of "f*** it". That's the best way I can put it. I tell myself that often. When I start having doubts "f' it. If I die today, I die. But I can be proud I went out with my boots on." I start challenging these thoughts with what if blank happens. Well if it doesn't happen. Then what? It means I'm good.

But also when you do start having success there will be setbacks. Just when you think you got it figured out, anxiety attack. Don't put yourself down. Just take a moment to reflect. What may have caused it. Okay, learn from it. If it's a panic attack sometimes those don't have a trigger. You just have to dust yourself off and get back on your horse again.

I know it feels you are just going in circles. But understand that sensations are just sensations. Yes, they suck but they won't kill you. Don't let anxiety steal your freedom. You gotta take it back.

Yes, it's tiring. It sucks that we have to go through this BS all over again. It is what it is. All we can do is our best to move forward 🫂 hugs to you. Keep hope alive, we will figure this out.

[Adamj in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thank you I just found out from my girlfriend and mom that they do see little changes in me with actually trying I want to work on all this negativity and work on a schedule

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Adamj]

See? You see? 😁Sometimes it feels we are just going in circles but we are actually spiraling up not down. Pat yourself on the back for these changes and putting in the work to turn down these negative thoughts. Be proud 😊

Small victory leads to other victories. Just gotta keep pushing forward. You got this ☺️ ❣️

[Arymretep in reply to Adamj]

That’s great Adam, you can do this, 👍😘

[Knicole94]

I hate to see that you go through this. What you are describing is what I also feel, more often than not. I won’t be the cliche that says “If you ever need to talk, I’m here.” But I AM here, right beside you, facing the storm. I’ve honestly never even considered going to a psychiatrist or therapist or anything, I feel like if I ever wanted to talk I have plenty of people I could talk to as opposed to someone who doesn’t even exactly know what I’m going through, but they’re going to get paid for me going through it and telling them. The most I can say is it’s probably best to talk through it more with people who has gone or is currently going through what you are. We can all guide each other through to the light. Or at least SOME light.

[Adamj in reply to Knicole94]

Thank you! I just get tired of being told just anxiety don’t know why you’re freaking out

[gerrerd]

What do you do to improve your thinking and life daily ?

[designguy]

Hello Adam, I can definitely sympathize with your frustration and anger, i've been there. Where you are at can be a good thing because it means you're frustrated and ready to change. One of the big things that helped me was coming across the cold hard fact that I had to decide how to feel safe in my own skin and take whatever steps were necessary to change my thinking and behavior in order for me to be able to do that.

You might try medication, at least temporarily, in order for you to realize what "normal" could be like. At its core, anxiety is a an error of thinking and behavior and when you accept that you can start to investigate what you need to learn and change. Obviously your old way of dealing with it is not working for you so something has to change. A good therapist can only guide you and provide you with the necessary insight and tools for you to recover but you have to do the work. You would probably benefit from educating yourself about what anxiety really is and how to deal and heal from it. Try to shift your focus on solving the problem rather than dwelling on the problem. Most of us with anxiety never learned ways of calming and self-soothing so those are also skills for you to learn like calming breath work.

One of the books that really helped me shift things is "At last a life and beyond" by Paul David. He was also sick and tired of dealing with his chronic anxiety and recovered. Hope some of this is helpful for you. Don't get me wrong, it's good to vent and release the anger and frustration but I know it gets old and tiring after awhile.